Unwanted Regrets
I have a prediction for the future.
When we talked initially about forming our family we decided that it would just be David and myself with one child. Liam was conceived and Kellie came to live with us. By the time Liam was born Kellie had moved out again. Then David came to me saying let's have one more, and so Rhiannan was conceived and shortly afterward Kellie had moved back in with us. Kellie had moved out again before Rhiannan was born and around the time Rhiannan was 6 months old Sarah came and visited with us for a week. Kellie moved back in with us shortly after Rhiannan was one. Just before Rhiannan turned two we all (David and I, Kellie, Liam and Rhiannan) moved to the Gold Coast. Last year Peter came to live with us for just under twelve months and now Sarah is living with us.
The whole time I was suffering from depression which was aggravated by post-natal depression after Liam’s birth and then again after Rhiannan's birth. It is only in the past couple of weeks that I have really known what it is to live a life free from depression. These were the first school holidays I've had with the children that I've looked forward to, the first I've enjoyed with my children and now I wish they weren't ending this weekend. I wish these school holiday could last until my children were grown. I've entertained thoughts of home-schooling Liam and Rhiannan so that I get to spend more time with them. I wish that I could turn back time and have my time in their young years over again.
David now says that he is too old to have another baby, I'm scared of what would happen if I were to have another baby and then nose-dive into depression again. More than that though, I think, no, I KNOW that I will spend the rest of my life regretting not having added a third (mine)/ fifth (ours)/ sixth (ours plus Kellie) child to our family. That is not a regret that I want to entertain. I HAVE to find a way to express that to David. His responses to me in regard to him being too old to have another baby include "You knew when you met me that I was older" which works in reverse also. Many, many couples now are not having their first child until they are the ages we are now, I just have to convince him that having children when he is older can work for us as well.
When we talked initially about forming our family we decided that it would just be David and myself with one child. Liam was conceived and Kellie came to live with us. By the time Liam was born Kellie had moved out again. Then David came to me saying let's have one more, and so Rhiannan was conceived and shortly afterward Kellie had moved back in with us. Kellie had moved out again before Rhiannan was born and around the time Rhiannan was 6 months old Sarah came and visited with us for a week. Kellie moved back in with us shortly after Rhiannan was one. Just before Rhiannan turned two we all (David and I, Kellie, Liam and Rhiannan) moved to the Gold Coast. Last year Peter came to live with us for just under twelve months and now Sarah is living with us.
The whole time I was suffering from depression which was aggravated by post-natal depression after Liam’s birth and then again after Rhiannan's birth. It is only in the past couple of weeks that I have really known what it is to live a life free from depression. These were the first school holidays I've had with the children that I've looked forward to, the first I've enjoyed with my children and now I wish they weren't ending this weekend. I wish these school holiday could last until my children were grown. I've entertained thoughts of home-schooling Liam and Rhiannan so that I get to spend more time with them. I wish that I could turn back time and have my time in their young years over again.
David now says that he is too old to have another baby, I'm scared of what would happen if I were to have another baby and then nose-dive into depression again. More than that though, I think, no, I KNOW that I will spend the rest of my life regretting not having added a third (mine)/ fifth (ours)/ sixth (ours plus Kellie) child to our family. That is not a regret that I want to entertain. I HAVE to find a way to express that to David. His responses to me in regard to him being too old to have another baby include "You knew when you met me that I was older" which works in reverse also. Many, many couples now are not having their first child until they are the ages we are now, I just have to convince him that having children when he is older can work for us as well.