Welcome to the trashy cesspool of Niagara Falls.
If you can imagine Las Vegas, except remove from your presumptious image: the 1-800 numbers of bodacious hookers carpeting the sidewalks, the fountains that spray and bubble to 80s music, French dining with tromp l'oeil grafting the ceilings, Burberry, Prada, Chanel, and the dry heat beating your skin into spotted leather; and substitute into it: a monstrosity of a Ferris Wheel, Tim Horton's waxy doughnuts, drinking age of 19, formidable fog, and American fast-food chains, then you can imagine that THIS!! IS!! CANADAAAA!!!.
Last weekend, I boarded 2 cabs, 4 buses, and 1 car pumping Gwen Stefani and Dragonforce at 130 decibels, winding up across the border in Canada with 1 Eric, 2 girls, and 20 fratboys. This amounts to: ridiculous travelling time, sound intensity crossing the threshold of pain, and a Canadian invasion by an armada's equivalence of American Testosterone.
7-Eleven works as a cultural museum of liquified corn products and Soylent green of more innocent times, repackaged and tweaked with hilarious additions for native comprehension. If anything, it should serve as a teaching experience-- people crossing country borders should make mandatory educational stops at 7-Eleven. For example, any unsuspecting Americans venturing into a 7-Eleven in Niagara Falls would be delighted by the knowledge that Canadian products have French vomitted upon its packaging, as in "Kraft's Mac and Cheese" in Canadian-speak is "Diner Kraft Dinner," as in "I want to eat a box of Diner Kraft Dinner au Fromage et Tomate."
This awful fog greatly diminished the joy that comes from watching the laws of gravity effect upon vast amounts of water.
Eric made a "carbomb", a mixed alcoholic drink in which you drop a shotglass of Bailey's and whiskey into a cup of beer and drink it before it, wtf, curdles. BUT BUT what is it about the mix that makes it curdle? Is it the pH concentration of the beer? Is beer more acidic than the cream, which is basic? IS milk basic? Why doesn't whiskey affect the cream in the Bailey's? Isn't whiskey acidic as well? Am I wrong? Does anyone know? I can look it up, but I prefer to lazily gaze at the picture of chunky alcohol and openly speculate.
I also have to mention that when I ordered a coffee, small, in the Tim Horton's in Canada, and then ordered a coffee, small, in the franchise in upstate New York just a mere 10 miles across the border, the coffee portion suddenly doubled in size akin to the growth rate of bamboos and tumors.
And that Canadian telly is kinky. Like the naked unflattering women having lesbian sex, and eaten by a tentacle monster type. I am so judging.