(no subject)
Kate got a job in Greenville- lets be honest, that's pretty much the best news I've ever heard. I miss my best friend!!!!
Been a while since I posted, Furman's kicking my ass that's for sure. I mean- don't get me wrong, I'm kicking it right back, but the past few weeks have been physically, emotionally, and mentally draining.
I ended a friendship with one of my best friends, and even though I know it had to be done, it still sucks. I've realized my achilles heel is that I can't stand to have people mad at me- I do everything in my power to amend situations, apologize, mediate, and in doing so I lose a part of myself. I'm learning, slowly, to stand up for myself when I know without a doubt that I am right, and not worry about what the other person is thinking of me. I wasn't perfect in this situation, that's for sure, but I let a lot more crap happen than I should have- I definitely should have spoken up sooner- but my other achilles heel is that I really want to believe the best in people. *sigh* I'm over it now- still hurts, but its like this huge burden has been lifted over the past few weeks, and although I miss our talks, I know my life is better off.
Unfortunately I've also reached the realization that the academic side of psychology is NOT for me. haha- whoops! No its not totally bad, it just feels like Im pulling teeth trying to get articles read for this paper (over 110+ now) and conceptualizing it. Maybe a big part of it is that this isn't my research interest, so 'conceptualizing' sessions don't really do it for me, however, Im soooooooo glad I didn't start a PhD program yet. Because academics in psychology bore me to tears. Give me an applied setting any day!!!
I get to go home in a few weekends- going to see my little brother in Wedding Singer in a benefit performance before they go perform it at... INTERNATIONAL Thespian Festival. Lol- yeah, go figure, never thought i'd be supporting/proud of Lemon Bay. But they've done any amazing job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so excited Kate will be in Greenville everyday- this whole experience has been so much lonelier than I expected. Not sure what I thought was going to happen, but I feel quite isolated. I have made friends with my roommate/intershipmates and we're doing stuff pretty regularly, but I haven't met a kindred spirit. It seems like we're all just hanging out because we've been thrown together, not so much because normally we'd have been drawn to each other. I guess similar to freshman year hall dynamics- you hang out with your hall in the beginning for lack of other options, but then eventually most people go their own way and make their own friends. Unfortunately a 10 week time span doesn't give you much to work with.
I'm so thankful for this experience, and I do feel like its keeping me from going stagnant this summer, but Im so ready to just move on with my life. Im frustrated at a lot of people right now, I'm overly anxious to get to NC and start my life, and completely frustrated with this paper Im working on right now. The novelty of Furman has started to wear off and I'm beginning to remember all the reasons I left- and losing the twinges of doubt about if I made the right decision.
The answer? I did. Without a doubt- I always wondered 'what if' and although there are some things im sad I missed out on- my time at UF were two of the best years of my life and I wouldn't trade them for ANYTHING. Things happen for a reason, and I keep trying to remind myself of that as trials are popping up left and right. All I can do is keep being me, keep moving on, and remember this is just one small chapter of my life.
Been a while since I posted, Furman's kicking my ass that's for sure. I mean- don't get me wrong, I'm kicking it right back, but the past few weeks have been physically, emotionally, and mentally draining.
I ended a friendship with one of my best friends, and even though I know it had to be done, it still sucks. I've realized my achilles heel is that I can't stand to have people mad at me- I do everything in my power to amend situations, apologize, mediate, and in doing so I lose a part of myself. I'm learning, slowly, to stand up for myself when I know without a doubt that I am right, and not worry about what the other person is thinking of me. I wasn't perfect in this situation, that's for sure, but I let a lot more crap happen than I should have- I definitely should have spoken up sooner- but my other achilles heel is that I really want to believe the best in people. *sigh* I'm over it now- still hurts, but its like this huge burden has been lifted over the past few weeks, and although I miss our talks, I know my life is better off.
Unfortunately I've also reached the realization that the academic side of psychology is NOT for me. haha- whoops! No its not totally bad, it just feels like Im pulling teeth trying to get articles read for this paper (over 110+ now) and conceptualizing it. Maybe a big part of it is that this isn't my research interest, so 'conceptualizing' sessions don't really do it for me, however, Im soooooooo glad I didn't start a PhD program yet. Because academics in psychology bore me to tears. Give me an applied setting any day!!!
I get to go home in a few weekends- going to see my little brother in Wedding Singer in a benefit performance before they go perform it at... INTERNATIONAL Thespian Festival. Lol- yeah, go figure, never thought i'd be supporting/proud of Lemon Bay. But they've done any amazing job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so excited Kate will be in Greenville everyday- this whole experience has been so much lonelier than I expected. Not sure what I thought was going to happen, but I feel quite isolated. I have made friends with my roommate/intershipmates and we're doing stuff pretty regularly, but I haven't met a kindred spirit. It seems like we're all just hanging out because we've been thrown together, not so much because normally we'd have been drawn to each other. I guess similar to freshman year hall dynamics- you hang out with your hall in the beginning for lack of other options, but then eventually most people go their own way and make their own friends. Unfortunately a 10 week time span doesn't give you much to work with.
I'm so thankful for this experience, and I do feel like its keeping me from going stagnant this summer, but Im so ready to just move on with my life. Im frustrated at a lot of people right now, I'm overly anxious to get to NC and start my life, and completely frustrated with this paper Im working on right now. The novelty of Furman has started to wear off and I'm beginning to remember all the reasons I left- and losing the twinges of doubt about if I made the right decision.
The answer? I did. Without a doubt- I always wondered 'what if' and although there are some things im sad I missed out on- my time at UF were two of the best years of my life and I wouldn't trade them for ANYTHING. Things happen for a reason, and I keep trying to remind myself of that as trials are popping up left and right. All I can do is keep being me, keep moving on, and remember this is just one small chapter of my life.