(no subject)
free falling
no one to hold, i am sittin here hugging myself. i have my arms wrapped so tightly around me, that if i close my eyes, for a moment it actually feels like someone is holding me. for that one moment, i am free. i live for that moment, and if it were not for that moment, then i dont know what i would do. a feeling is keeping me up. i guess fellings are the only thing that keep people up, but normally, those feelings generate from something real. real. i havent felt anything real in so long, i dont know whats real and whats not real anymore. im scared to go outside, im scared to look out the window, cause maybe ill see something thats neither real nor not real. then what would happen, what would you define such a thing as. i dont know, maybe no one does. someone might say they know what i mean, but really, i dont believe anyone has a clue. thats another reason im scared. i have these feelings that can relate to no one and no thing. i cant explain the thoughts in my head, because they are moving too fast for my own mind to comprehend. if i could just gain the courage, if i could gain the ability to fight back, against these mind obliterating questions then maybe i would get a free feeling once again. maybe i wouldnt have to wrap myself in my own arms any more. maybe someone would LIKE me. when i open my eyes from that feeling, and my arms are still wrapped around my body, i fall.
no one to hold, i am sittin here hugging myself. i have my arms wrapped so tightly around me, that if i close my eyes, for a moment it actually feels like someone is holding me. for that one moment, i am free. i live for that moment, and if it were not for that moment, then i dont know what i would do. a feeling is keeping me up. i guess fellings are the only thing that keep people up, but normally, those feelings generate from something real. real. i havent felt anything real in so long, i dont know whats real and whats not real anymore. im scared to go outside, im scared to look out the window, cause maybe ill see something thats neither real nor not real. then what would happen, what would you define such a thing as. i dont know, maybe no one does. someone might say they know what i mean, but really, i dont believe anyone has a clue. thats another reason im scared. i have these feelings that can relate to no one and no thing. i cant explain the thoughts in my head, because they are moving too fast for my own mind to comprehend. if i could just gain the courage, if i could gain the ability to fight back, against these mind obliterating questions then maybe i would get a free feeling once again. maybe i wouldnt have to wrap myself in my own arms any more. maybe someone would LIKE me. when i open my eyes from that feeling, and my arms are still wrapped around my body, i fall.