weekends :-)
so this weekend was in a word interesting. I thought it would be like any other weekend but it wasn't. Friday was probably one of the strangest days I've experienced in quite some time. I don't really feel like going into details but what I can say is that I had a lot on my heart and mind and I felt like everything just sort of pour out of me. Strangest thing I just couldn't stop myself and poor alyssa didn't know what to do about it. I could see in her eyes such kindness and care but as close as I felt to her at that moment it really sucks that in the end it seems like our moment have past. I thought after saying all that I had to say that I would finally have an idea of what to do next but instead I'm still stuck at point A. I'm still in love with someone who with every day moves further away from me. Its not that I'm unwilling to accept that she could move on, I guess I'm just not convinced that who she's with is better for her that I could be.
I know that the ball is out of my court but I still can't stop thinking about her. Sad thing is she consumes more of my time now that we're not together then when she was. Not to mention how much like an idiot if felt when I almost knocked myself out while saying hi. My eyes still hurt but I guess it made her laugh or so she says so in the end it must of all been worth it.
so it been confirmed that she have had sex w/ that ass hole, and regrettably it has diminished her attractiveness in my eyes. But does that equate to making love? I mean surely it doesn't, (I wonder who she prefers?). That probably was the real question I wanted to ask her, or even if she made love to him. But it's none of my business and I don't know how knowing the answers to any of these questions are going to help me accept the situation any easier.
I'm trying not to overstep my boundary as a friend, because the last thing i can afford right now its to push her away, so I better find more creative ways to mask the way I feel about her. I don't know how I would handle unsolicited advances from an ex while i'm currently involved with someone else. I probably wouldn't be talking to me this quickly so the fact that we can even share a laugh is remarkable in it self.
So Emily wanted to have a conversation with me, which I supposed was going to come around soon enough. I remember seeing her Thursday of last week and if eyes and dirty looks could kill I would have instantly exploded into a million pieces. The more I think about the situation I'm still not convinced what i did, can really be called in the traditional sense "cheating." I do realize that there was a point when I was talking to both Alyssa and Emily, but from my recollection, I was pretty straight laced from the moment I started considering Alyssa to be my GF. I wanted to hear what exactly the conversation between she and Alyssa was and she wanted to know why did I use her. I guess that a valid question to have, I would want to know why I was the other guy, though I think guys would probably wear that as a badge of honor along side their inevitable bruise for a battering EX bf. Apparently Alyssa said anything during the Winter was cheating, but by my recollection Alyssa and I were just working on become friends again over the winter. I remember how much I forced the conversation when I was up in Michigan for the Xmas break. Anyways the conversation with Emily marked the second time in as many weeks someone who was close to me decided that my presence was no longer welcomed. To top that I ran in Alison today and she too snarled at me. I'm going to call that the Trifecta and well with my bulging eye I way I've won the prize for biggest fuck up ever.
well a couple hours of listening to Rick Astley sure doesn't make things any easier:
Were no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do i
A full commitments what Im thinking of
You wouldnt get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how Im feeling
Gotta make you understand
* never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
Weve know each other for so long
Your hearts been aching
But youre too shy to say it
Inside we both know whats been going on
We know the game and were gonna play it
And if you ask me how Im feeling
Dont tell me youre too blind to see
(* repeat)
Give you up. give you up
Give you up, give you up
Never gonna give
Never gonna give, give you up
Never gonna give
Never gonna give, five you up
I just wanna tell you how Im feeling
Gotta make you understand
I know that the ball is out of my court but I still can't stop thinking about her. Sad thing is she consumes more of my time now that we're not together then when she was. Not to mention how much like an idiot if felt when I almost knocked myself out while saying hi. My eyes still hurt but I guess it made her laugh or so she says so in the end it must of all been worth it.
so it been confirmed that she have had sex w/ that ass hole, and regrettably it has diminished her attractiveness in my eyes. But does that equate to making love? I mean surely it doesn't, (I wonder who she prefers?). That probably was the real question I wanted to ask her, or even if she made love to him. But it's none of my business and I don't know how knowing the answers to any of these questions are going to help me accept the situation any easier.
I'm trying not to overstep my boundary as a friend, because the last thing i can afford right now its to push her away, so I better find more creative ways to mask the way I feel about her. I don't know how I would handle unsolicited advances from an ex while i'm currently involved with someone else. I probably wouldn't be talking to me this quickly so the fact that we can even share a laugh is remarkable in it self.
So Emily wanted to have a conversation with me, which I supposed was going to come around soon enough. I remember seeing her Thursday of last week and if eyes and dirty looks could kill I would have instantly exploded into a million pieces. The more I think about the situation I'm still not convinced what i did, can really be called in the traditional sense "cheating." I do realize that there was a point when I was talking to both Alyssa and Emily, but from my recollection, I was pretty straight laced from the moment I started considering Alyssa to be my GF. I wanted to hear what exactly the conversation between she and Alyssa was and she wanted to know why did I use her. I guess that a valid question to have, I would want to know why I was the other guy, though I think guys would probably wear that as a badge of honor along side their inevitable bruise for a battering EX bf. Apparently Alyssa said anything during the Winter was cheating, but by my recollection Alyssa and I were just working on become friends again over the winter. I remember how much I forced the conversation when I was up in Michigan for the Xmas break. Anyways the conversation with Emily marked the second time in as many weeks someone who was close to me decided that my presence was no longer welcomed. To top that I ran in Alison today and she too snarled at me. I'm going to call that the Trifecta and well with my bulging eye I way I've won the prize for biggest fuck up ever.
well a couple hours of listening to Rick Astley sure doesn't make things any easier:
Were no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do i
A full commitments what Im thinking of
You wouldnt get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how Im feeling
Gotta make you understand
* never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
Weve know each other for so long
Your hearts been aching
But youre too shy to say it
Inside we both know whats been going on
We know the game and were gonna play it
And if you ask me how Im feeling
Dont tell me youre too blind to see
(* repeat)
Give you up. give you up
Give you up, give you up
Never gonna give
Never gonna give, give you up
Never gonna give
Never gonna give, five you up
I just wanna tell you how Im feeling
Gotta make you understand