Finding My Way
My last entry, about a year ago, was about finding my way. That's what I have been trying to do for ages now. But in the process, I have pushed people out of my life. Now, when I try to bring them back in and relax a little I am faced with some major road blocks. First of all, between working on the weekends and school during the weekdays my life has become extremely monotonous, but I enjoy working hard and continue to do so. Yet, some people in my life don't understand that. They like to make things more difficult and just repeatedly stress me out. I am not perfect. By no means have I claimed to ever be. However, I do know that compared to many others my age I am extremely wise. There are values I have that many other people that are much older than me have not developed. Having said this, those people that I see everyday do not notice this, and therefore often take an inch and make it a mile.
Everyone needs a break sometimes. Even me. But obviously as usual...they can't see that. To them I am a robot that is expected to do whatever is programmed inside of it.
All I want to say is: don't make me completely blow up in your face because right now I am trying to continue with my motto of, "the best response to a fool, is silence." I am tired of having to fight because no one sees it my way. Everyone is out there for themselves, let's face it. No one understands that I do the best I can under the circumstances. NO ONE. It's driving me insane. I am sick and tired of this bullshit. Every couple months I have to hear the same shit. I have no options either. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. During highschool I felt this way too and I was silly to think life would be easier after I left. That once I left that place I would no longer be under that rock. I am now under a new rock.
My lesson from this is that life is always going to be this way, I just have to learn to remain sane under my rock. To be quite frank, I want to enjoy being young, I don't want to hurry to grow up, but no matter what age I am, I feel like I can never fully embrace it. There is this constant rush to keep going, to do better, to be better, to be the best, to work harder, to make more money, to be happier, to be successful, blah blah blah. This nagging that I have dealt with for years better be worth it. Because if it isn't, I have no idea what I will do.
In a few months I turn nineteen, and while being legal is this huge deal I could care less. I want things to stay simple, because once you turn nineteen there are some crucial decisions you make that in my eyes determine your destiny. If you mess up, you are stuck cleaning that mess for the rest of your life.
I really hope I can for once in my life not make a big mess. Because I hate cleaning.
Everyone needs a break sometimes. Even me. But obviously as usual...they can't see that. To them I am a robot that is expected to do whatever is programmed inside of it.
All I want to say is: don't make me completely blow up in your face because right now I am trying to continue with my motto of, "the best response to a fool, is silence." I am tired of having to fight because no one sees it my way. Everyone is out there for themselves, let's face it. No one understands that I do the best I can under the circumstances. NO ONE. It's driving me insane. I am sick and tired of this bullshit. Every couple months I have to hear the same shit. I have no options either. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. During highschool I felt this way too and I was silly to think life would be easier after I left. That once I left that place I would no longer be under that rock. I am now under a new rock.
My lesson from this is that life is always going to be this way, I just have to learn to remain sane under my rock. To be quite frank, I want to enjoy being young, I don't want to hurry to grow up, but no matter what age I am, I feel like I can never fully embrace it. There is this constant rush to keep going, to do better, to be better, to be the best, to work harder, to make more money, to be happier, to be successful, blah blah blah. This nagging that I have dealt with for years better be worth it. Because if it isn't, I have no idea what I will do.
In a few months I turn nineteen, and while being legal is this huge deal I could care less. I want things to stay simple, because once you turn nineteen there are some crucial decisions you make that in my eyes determine your destiny. If you mess up, you are stuck cleaning that mess for the rest of your life.
I really hope I can for once in my life not make a big mess. Because I hate cleaning.