what the fuck
i keep how i feel away from you - you get mad and say that secrets dont make friends, i try to tell you how i feel and you say i'm an attention whore, well what the fuck - what do you want me to do. it feels like no matter what i do - everyone things it's wrong. it seems like nothing i do is right - everything just pisses everyone off, and it seems like no one else can ever do anything wrong. i dont even want to be here anymore, i seriously dont understand what the point is. i haave seizures, i am bi polar, i cant drive, all i do is sit around and watch fucking stupid t.v. i feel like complete shit - i am scared shitless about why the fuck im having seizures again and why the fuck im still feeling the effects of them. i dont need to be wholed up in my room crying just 2 days after i had a seizure, it's not good - this shit could VERY easily just send me into another one. im scared because i seriously feel like i've been hanging on for moorpark, and i'm starting to get the feeling like that's not going to happen. what the fuck, i cant even acoomplish my dreams, what the hell kind of person am i? i am so scared - i cant get my head to stop pounding and thoughts spinning around and around me. my heart feels like it just wants to collapse. i dont want to deal anymore, i really dont. kc is no where to be found, candie thinks im an attention whore, tammy is taking to me and listening to me cry, but cant come over, kathy is bussy with josh and school (suprise suprise), my mom should be over the midwest right now, god i wish she was home, i miss talking to her already. she always can make me laugh, maybe i should let phoebe in - im affraid to let her in with me feeling this upset and angry though - im affraid she's going to piss me off and i'll hit her or something. i need a cig sooo badly, maybe i'll call up Ruth and she can pick me up. i miss sexily whispered secrets and kisses on the cheek from hot boys, i miss rides in the back of trucks, and most of i miss how it used to be.