wtf
I'm so tired that I have a headache, you know that kind that you get just before you go under w/ anastesia and right when you wake up. The thing is, I'm fighting with everything I've got to not let my eyes shut. I'm terrified to let my eyes shut and my eyes start rolling back and forth in my head. I have been having the most fucked up dreams, so life like I'm suprised my mom doesn't come in and wake me up because I'm screaming. I also have been having horrible problems with my damn matress. My mom just walked in and told me to go to bed, and I told her why I wasn't going to bed. She told me about when she was having bad nightmares from her meds so she could kind of understand, but in a way she can't, her nightmares aren't reliving things that actually happened to her. Her nightmares aren't about someone who completely fucked up a good part of their life finding them and coming back in their life to reek havok again. I know she means well, but no one can know what that's like unless they have had their uncle try to force his dick through their very young cunt. I start to think about shit like this and murders and just other fucked up shit before I go to sleep and I will make sure I put the t.v. on a show that's funny so I can cancel out the negative thinking and have some kind of other dreams, and I pray that I can dream something pleasant, but lately it hasn't happened. Well what the fuck, here's to trying again.