(no subject)
While I am saddened by the fact that my 6 days off work will come to an end after tomorrow, I'm sort of, in a weird way looking forward to going to work. This is mainly because I feel like the past week has gone by way too fast. I've done nothing of particular interest, so other than last Sunday when a couple of friends and I went to Toronto, I have nothing to distinguish the days of the week. Not that work really help distinguish these days, but when I work, I appreciate my days off so much more, and such a long break has in a way taken that appreciation away from me. I'm sure by Wednesday at 5 I will want to take these words back, but that's still quite a few hours from now, so I don't want to think about it any longer.
I was reading someone's post today about being grateful and writing down 5 things that you're grateful for every day. I've been thinking about this lately. Happiness with the reality of my world, with myself... I've come a long way, I've developed greatly over the past few years and every change I have seen in myself is for the better (well, with the exception of my impatience). So, I've become better, stronger, wiser... and yet, sometimes I still feel lost, vulnerable, angry, irritated and just overall unhappy. But why? Sure, my life hasn't been the greatest. I've lost many people I've loved greatly, and things never seem to come easy for me... BUT, I do have things to be grateful for. I do have good things in my life. And really, when I think of it this way, my life seems pretty damn good. The hardships I had to endure have only made me stronger, and perhaps have also strengthened other parts of my life, such as friendships. When I think of it this way, it seems so simple, so nice... but it's hard to think of it this way all the time, because when I think of everything bad that has happened to me, it still hurts, very much. But not today. Today I am optimistic. Today I am relatively happy. Today... well, I wish today would not end for the next few days.
It's really weird how this happens... whenever I am extremely tired, tired to the point of nearly falling asleep while typing, I start thinking of so many things that I would like to write about. And when I'm wide awake, I sit here, staring at a blank screen and I don't feel like sharing anything. Sometimes I'm worried that at times like right now, I might not be coherent, but then I realize... who am I writing this for? Myself or you? Well both, really. But more so myself. By writing down thoughts, feelings, events... I help myself achieve this ultimate goal of mine. The goal of perfecting the knowledge I have of myself. Every word brings me closer to my goal, and so I write... but sharing some thoughts, even if they're unimportant in every way, is appealing as well. If someone reads my posts and enjoys them for one reason or another, that's a compliment to the person I am. So, although I hope to be coherent enough so that someone who doesn't know me very well can understand, I don't necessarily need to be 100% coherent, because I will understand what I've written any way.
Ah... I hate feeling this tired. I hate that unrestful, heavy feeling... where you almost feel nauseous because you're so tired. This feeling always reminds me of my Aunt wedding that I went to when I was 7. It's really weird, but whenever I'm this tired, I get flashbacks to that day. I suppose I must have been super exhausted or something. Weddings. That's something I want to write about... but not today. That's for a day where I'm sure I'm coherent. For now my best bet would be to go to sleep right now. Tomorrow, gym, class, stuff around the house and enjoying my last day off. Yeah, tomorrow should be relatively low key...
I was reading someone's post today about being grateful and writing down 5 things that you're grateful for every day. I've been thinking about this lately. Happiness with the reality of my world, with myself... I've come a long way, I've developed greatly over the past few years and every change I have seen in myself is for the better (well, with the exception of my impatience). So, I've become better, stronger, wiser... and yet, sometimes I still feel lost, vulnerable, angry, irritated and just overall unhappy. But why? Sure, my life hasn't been the greatest. I've lost many people I've loved greatly, and things never seem to come easy for me... BUT, I do have things to be grateful for. I do have good things in my life. And really, when I think of it this way, my life seems pretty damn good. The hardships I had to endure have only made me stronger, and perhaps have also strengthened other parts of my life, such as friendships. When I think of it this way, it seems so simple, so nice... but it's hard to think of it this way all the time, because when I think of everything bad that has happened to me, it still hurts, very much. But not today. Today I am optimistic. Today I am relatively happy. Today... well, I wish today would not end for the next few days.
It's really weird how this happens... whenever I am extremely tired, tired to the point of nearly falling asleep while typing, I start thinking of so many things that I would like to write about. And when I'm wide awake, I sit here, staring at a blank screen and I don't feel like sharing anything. Sometimes I'm worried that at times like right now, I might not be coherent, but then I realize... who am I writing this for? Myself or you? Well both, really. But more so myself. By writing down thoughts, feelings, events... I help myself achieve this ultimate goal of mine. The goal of perfecting the knowledge I have of myself. Every word brings me closer to my goal, and so I write... but sharing some thoughts, even if they're unimportant in every way, is appealing as well. If someone reads my posts and enjoys them for one reason or another, that's a compliment to the person I am. So, although I hope to be coherent enough so that someone who doesn't know me very well can understand, I don't necessarily need to be 100% coherent, because I will understand what I've written any way.
Ah... I hate feeling this tired. I hate that unrestful, heavy feeling... where you almost feel nauseous because you're so tired. This feeling always reminds me of my Aunt wedding that I went to when I was 7. It's really weird, but whenever I'm this tired, I get flashbacks to that day. I suppose I must have been super exhausted or something. Weddings. That's something I want to write about... but not today. That's for a day where I'm sure I'm coherent. For now my best bet would be to go to sleep right now. Tomorrow, gym, class, stuff around the house and enjoying my last day off. Yeah, tomorrow should be relatively low key...