The Earshot Theorem
Buffy fans might remember the episode Earshot, in which a demon sting (or something) causes Buffy to develop telepathy; as a result, she learns that someone is planning a massacre at Sunnydale High. I'm thinking about that episode for two reasons: one, gabrielleabelle runs a weekly episode poll, and this one is on "Earshot."
Two, it contains a quote I keep repeating to myself:
"Everyone is ignoring your pain, because they're too busy with their own."
That's not always true, by any means. We, as humans, are very much capable of looking past our own pain and problems and drama, to see the problems other humans have and help them through -- and to see the good things that happen to others, and take joy in their joy. Empathy. It's a wonderful, wonderful thing.
But there are times when we can't, or shouldn't, focus on other people's pain. Because we are, or should be, busy with our own lives.
Sometimes I grumble and whine and put my pain out there (by posting here, or by venting to an RL friend) and I don't get the response I was hoping for. I remind myself that everyone is busy with their own pain; that a lack of response doesn't necessarily mean people don't care; it might just mean they have too many things to think about closer to home.
And sometimes my friends grumble and whine and express their pain and I don't have the energy to respond the way I'd like to. I don't always have the capacity to read and reply, or to listen and respond in an engaged way. That doesn't necessarily make me a bad friend or a bad person; sometimes it means I'm stretched too thin just taking care of myself.
On the good days, of course, we rise above that. We help each other through the bad times and take mutual joy in the good times.
On the bad days, remember the Earshot Theorem. It might keep you from adding another layer of misery on top of what's already there.
Two, it contains a quote I keep repeating to myself:
"Everyone is ignoring your pain, because they're too busy with their own."
That's not always true, by any means. We, as humans, are very much capable of looking past our own pain and problems and drama, to see the problems other humans have and help them through -- and to see the good things that happen to others, and take joy in their joy. Empathy. It's a wonderful, wonderful thing.
But there are times when we can't, or shouldn't, focus on other people's pain. Because we are, or should be, busy with our own lives.
Sometimes I grumble and whine and put my pain out there (by posting here, or by venting to an RL friend) and I don't get the response I was hoping for. I remind myself that everyone is busy with their own pain; that a lack of response doesn't necessarily mean people don't care; it might just mean they have too many things to think about closer to home.
And sometimes my friends grumble and whine and express their pain and I don't have the energy to respond the way I'd like to. I don't always have the capacity to read and reply, or to listen and respond in an engaged way. That doesn't necessarily make me a bad friend or a bad person; sometimes it means I'm stretched too thin just taking care of myself.
On the good days, of course, we rise above that. We help each other through the bad times and take mutual joy in the good times.
On the bad days, remember the Earshot Theorem. It might keep you from adding another layer of misery on top of what's already there.