5 Things Results- 9/24
Did another round of these requests over at peroxidepest17 this time since I'm back on my computer in CA now and wanted to refamiliarize myself with it, I guess. So, here we go! The results from this time around... kind of stupid, kind of silly, kind of random, but it's getting a little bit easier as I go. Maybe it helped that only 13 out of 15 requests were filled this time. (YAY LAZY?) XD
Antique Bakery
Five Mistakes Ono has Made in the Kitchen- for explodinguterus
1. Ask Tachibana to help him spread the cream-it just figured the poor guy would take it as some sort of raunchy homosexual innuendo and shout indignant responses loud enough for the customers to hear. Ono had been particularly horrified by the “My cream is for me alone! I mean… and ladies too,” that had driven two nice young girls running from the shop. They hadn’t even finished their tortes.
2. Ask one of the assistants from another shop who’d been in love with him to please help spread the cream. Sure, looking back it was all fond memories, but at the time being thrown on top of his carefully laid out fruit tarts and ravished had only set him back approximately three hours in his work and shaved ten years off the owner’s life when he’d walked in to see what the hold up was.
3. Admit to Eiji that some guy had been harassing him for being gay on the walk home after hours. While he appreciated his apprentice’s protectiveness he was certain the man’s family hadn’t appreciated the three broken ribs and the partial brain damage. Eiji still insisted that it had been some of his best work.
4. Offer Chikage an Éclair while Tachibana wasn’t looking-Tachibana maintained that Chikage ate like a five-year old. Ono maintained that he ate like anything but.
5. Get drunk at the shop’s New Year’s party and insist he could still make everyone something good to eat while under the influence. Though the photographs of Tachibana and Eiji scarfing cock-shaped gingerbread cookies (while Chikage choked on his) will forever be one of the highlights of his memories, he has to admit with some shame that he’d burned them a little bit in the process, and really, he hated it when people ate things he considered less-than his best work, cock or no cock.
Bleach
Five Secrets Yumichika is Even less Likely to Reveal than the One about Fujikujaku- for sophiap
1. Any of a comrade’s or enemy’s weaknesses during battle-Ikkaku had once been in a life and death one-on-one with a particularly monstrous Hollow, and while Yumichika had analyzed and discovered its weaknesses rather quickly, when he’d tried to tell Ikkaku, the look on his friend’s face as he’d battled stopped him before the pretty shinigami could say a word. If he’d spoken it might have saved Madarame some of the stitches he’d had to get afterwards, but the look of satisfaction on the bald idiot’s face as he’d proudly recounted the story to the boys at the bar later that night was something that in the end, Yumichika discovered was well worth the cost.
2. He’s actually left-handed-if Shuuhei ever found out Yumichika had beaten him with his less dominant hand the fifth seat suspected that his lover would have an all out sulk fest that would require Yumichika buy the apology/feel better present this time. As far as Yumi was concerned that was a rather unsettling precedent that he didn’t feel comfortable establishing.
3. The intimate details of his life before meeting Ikkaku. Madarame told him the past didn’t matter, and while he hadn’t believed it then, he believed it now, after a hand had reached out for him one raucous night at the brothel and some smiling idiot had asked him if he wanted to “get the hell outta here’n go get a drink.”
4. Sometimes he got split ends. Horrific.
5. He cried a little-just a little-the first time he and Shuuhei (finally) had sex. Luckily the clueless idiot had been too busy trying to keep his eyes from crossing and cursing at the top of his lungs to notice. On another note, it was also nice to know he still had that effect on people.
Five Secret things Byakuya Thinks about Rukia- requested by siedhr
1. She is stronger than her sister. It makes him feel guilty just as much as it makes him relieved whenever she proves this fact to him (time and time and time again).
2. As much as he’d tried, he hadn’t been able to give her everything she could ever want. But oddly enough, she’s discovered ways of getting those things all on her own anyway. He’s glad she’s found the family he hadn’t been able to provide.
3. She is stronger than her sister, but she could die just as easily. More so. Sometimes he regrets that she became a shinigami.
4. Sometimes he is proud of her, because as a shinigami, she is a very good shinigami. It’s deeply troubling to feel both bone-chilling fear and something like familial pride whenever he thinks about the issue.
5. One day she will break a young man’s heart and give another all he could want in the world. When that day comes Byakuya will buy the broken hearted a drink and break the successful suitor’s wrist (to even things out). He hopes Renji will be able to appreciate a thousand-dollar bottle of wine.
Five Things that Ikkaku Delegated to Shuuhei (it's not like they ever talked about it, but these aren’t his problems anymore, as far as he’s concerned)- requested by west_side
1. Punching bag duty-bad days taken out on the best friend have officially become bad days taken out on the boyfriend. Now Ikkaku just has to let Yumichika in on the news of this little peaceful hand-off, because goddamn his shoulder hurts and “WHY THE FUCK YOU GOTTA TAKE THIS SHIT OUT ON ME?! I WAS JUST EATING!”
2. Worrier duty-back late from a mission? Back bloody and unconscious from a mission? Not back from a mission yet? It’s none of Ikkaku’s business anymore. Shuuhei’s the one who should be worrying, should be clenching his jaw and growling and punching the nearest person passing by just ‘cuz he don’t like the bastard’s face. Ikkaku definitely isn’t responsible for feeling like that anymore. Yup. It’s nice. All that definitely isn’t any skin off his nose anymo… “WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, DUMBASS? I FUCKIN’ MISSED DINNER WAITING YOU, ASSHOLE! STOP LAUGHING! …I FUCKIN’ HATE YOU.”
3. I’m-sorry-I-or-any-of-our-mutual-acquaintances-said-something-stupid duty- from now on Shuuhei’s the one who has to comfort the fruity little bastard whenever something dumb gets said to him. Even if it’s Zaraki saying something about how his hair looks weird today or Yachiru telling him he’s thicker than he was yesterday. Or-- hypothetically of course-- Ikkaku maybe offhandedly suggesting something about how things are kinda weird ‘cuz Hisagi has always been such a big breast man. No matter who says it, when Yumichika comes home at the end of the day it’s freakin’ Shuuhei’s and Shuuhei’s job only, to say the things and do the things to make whatever’d gone wrong right again. All of it isn’t his responsibility even if Ikkaku just happens to maybe suggest that Yumi might like a bouquet of white gladiolas today, maybe tell Hisagi “here, take this ridiculous expensive chocolate he likes from that freakin’ boutique on the uptown side of seireitei, I just happened to have some on hand and it’ll save you the trip, and stop lookin’ at me like that asshole, I’m just tryin’ to help you out, okay? …Whaddya mean ‘whatever I say?’ Don’t roll your eyes at me! …Fucker.”
4. Taste-tester duty- whenever Yumichika cooks it’s no more, “Ikkaku, try this,” or “Ikkaku, I just added salt, try it again…” ‘cuz now that’s Shuuhei’s job and it’s got nothing to do with him and…waitasecond. Yumi cooks pretty good. “Dammit.”
5. Comfort duty-one day there’s gonna be some bastard stronger, faster, quicker, luckier than Ikkaku, and when there is, he might just bite the dust. That ever happens, it’s Shuuhei’s job to take care of everything from there on out. Knowin’ that now… it’s at least one less thing Ikkaku’s gotta worry for when he’s in the middle of a good fight. The what comes after part. ‘Cuz now he knows there’ll still be someone left to watch over if anything should happen. “And that, more’n anything else, you better get right, you fucker. ‘Cuz you don’t, I’ll come back as a Hollow and bite your freakin’ head off, ‘kay? Try’n stop me.”
Five Things Renji's Friends Paid the Tattoo Artist to put on his Forehead Before Renji Clued in on the Treason and Threatened Them all with Monkey Farts- for kotszok
1. “My head is on fire” - Courtesy of Iba. Iba is a dumbass.
2. “My monkey has gas”-Courtesy of Ikkaku. Zabimaru didn’t take too kindly to that, given that it was a boldfaced lie. His snake had indigestion.
3. “Placed three spots behind Kira Izuru for valedictorian, class of 1800”-Courtesy of Kira. Though he supported no. 2 (as suggested by Ikkaku) more, because people really ought to be warned about that monkey gas. It was absolutely rancid.
4. “Space for rent”-Courtesy of Shuuhei. He figured so long as Renji wasn’t trying to think or anything, they might as well try to turn a profit on that big giant head of his. The rent would be low too, since-like Ikkaku’d said-- the monkey had gas.
5. “I’m red down South too”-courtesy of Yumichika. Everyone momentarily forgot about the smell and wanted to know how the fuck Yumichika knew that.
Five Embarrassing Things Yumi has Caught Shuuhei Doing- for ainbthen
1. Trying out some stock apologies out loud to himself for those moments where he knew he had to apologize but didn’t know what for. Needless to say, his list of responses got taken away that day. And he apologized a lot for it too. Yumichika really thought that they sounded better on the fly like that.
2. Smelling Yumichika’s clothes-Yumi had only been gone for a few days, after all, and the laundry he’d left behind was absolutely clean.
3. Asking Ikkaku for romantic advice-a case of the blind leading the blind except replace “blind” with “idiotic.”
4. Singing “I’m a little teapot” to Yachiru-clearly she was too old for those types of little kid things now, and had just asked for a song because she’d wanted to see if Shuu-chan would actually go ahead and embarrass himself like that. Yumichika really was proud of the way she was growing up sometimes.
5. Practicing his vows to himself in the mirror-he stuttered, stumbled, and fell over every word, red faced and frustrated. When he saw Yumichika’s smiling reflection in the glass though, he somehow managed to say every word perfectly. He really was an odd one sometimes.
Five Ways Ichigo Tried to Propose to Rukia (and what went wrong)- for tokki_chan
1. The good old bended-knee approach- but she kicked him in the shin before he could get a word out because she immedietely thought it was some sort of short joke.
2. The second attempt was during a walk in the park. But she’d stopped to get ice cream just as he’d tried to work up the nerve to ask again. The ice cream vendor had smiled and asked her tall oniisama-- who was obviously being a good big brother and watching over her while she played today-- if it was alright for his cute little sister to get a double scoop cone, the second scoop on the house. The prospect of free food had been too good for her little mercenary heart to turn up it seemed, and after hearing her call him “oniisan” to further her purposes the mood was just ruined for Ichigo. And very, very wrong.
3. Next he tried via hell moth, a sweet, secret message from captain to vice-captain. A curious Yachiru intercepted the poor creature, however, and from then on was convinced that she and Ichi-chan were going to get wedded just as soon as she picked out a nice dress and found her favorite rainbow macaroni bracelet. Ichigo spent the next few days running away from a somehow more-scary-than-usual Zaraki.
4. After that he tried asking in the heat of battle, because he thought it was rather poetic to ask at a time that represented them both so well. Except as he was shouting, “Will you…” he got swallowed. By the time he sliced his way out of the giant creature he was covered in black, steaming ooze that smelled like burning and Rukia was too busy rolling on the floor laughing (and pointing) at him for him to conjure up the will to ask her again. Instead he ordered her-as her captain-to stop. She just laughed at him harder.
5. By grabbing her and shaking her-hard-- after he failed for the millionth time all over again and he couldn’t take it anymore. She said yes, and promptly broke his nose. He supposed, in retrospect, that things could have gone worse.
What Renji, Shuuhei, Ikkaku, Iba, and Yumichika (Five People) Like Best About Kira- requested by skadhelias
1. Shuuhei appreciates that Kira’s got Ikkaku completely whipped-makes it easier to turn around the jokes the bald idiot is always making about how Hisagi is with Yumi.
2. Yumichika knows that beautiful men have to stick together-they’re so very rare and precious, after all. And on top of all that, the two idiots who love he and Kira need particular special taking care of, as they’re both rather helpless without them.
3. Ikkaku likes his ass. ‘Cuz it’s nice and perky and firm-- fits just about right into the palms of his hands and when he squeezes Kira lets out the nicest little sounds… mmm…
4. Iba’s always had a thing for blonds, what can he say?
5. Renji rather likes Kira’s ass too. But don’t tell Ikkaku.
Five Things Hollow!Ichigo Would do if he Had total Control of Ichigo- requested by brokenwindopane
1. Ride a pony-the metaphor might be more powerful if he actually knew what it was like.
2. Rematch the prissy bitch in the hair curlers. For some reason just thinking about the princess pisses him the hell off. Maybe he’ll take the girly-man’s cute little sister for a ride too-- just to mess with him.
3. Rematch the slightly less prissy (but no less faggy) one-armed freak with the 90210 hair. That fight just hurt his goddamned pride. Ichigo was such a girl.
4. Break Hirako’s face-could only be an improvement, after all. Freaky fuck.
5. Watch some goddamned TV. It is so fucking boring in Ichigo’s inner land of cubicles that it’d drive any sane Zanpakutou to homicide. Besides, he hears Jackass is freaking brilliant.
One Piece
Five Times Zoro Wished he had Spoken up but Didn't- for nuitaripwnage
1. On deciding whether they followed the road signs on the street to either Happy Town or Doomsdayville. Happy Town was such a boring-ass pansy name.
2. When Sandai Kitetsu and Yubashiri and Wadou Ichimonji were all arguing about who was the most gleaming of the three. Obviously it was the latter of the three, but Zoro thought answering might have seemed weird. Plus he hadn’t really wanted to take sides or anything, since they all gleamed rather well in his opinion.
3. Sanji’s purple pattern shirt. Just… yeah.
4. After Usopp’s eighth beer last week. Because no one needed to see that and it had taken Sanji entirely too long to find the drunk idiot’s overalls.
5. Yesterday. Might have meant he wouldn’t have to break everyone out of prison today. Not that it wasn’t fun or anything, but the swords were still arguing, and Sanji kept giving him strange looks every time he told them to shut up. No one understood him.
Five Things Zoro's Caught Sanji Doing when the Chef thought he was Alone- for tsukishine
1. Fondling a baguette-when caught the chef insisted that he was admiring the baker’s detail to crusty texture, but Zoro rather thought it was a sign.
2. Licking ‘meringue’ from his fingers-the excuse this time was that he’d had extra and didn’t want it to waste. Zoro thought it was just another sign.
3. Mix-matching his ties and his shirts to find something “fun” for the upcoming spring season. Sanji, when discovered in the midst of this, growled that it was to look “fashionable” and that Neanderthals like Zoro would never be able to understand. Zoro concluded that the signs were everywhere if you knew how to read them.
4. Tweezing his eyebrows-Sanji snarled that not everyone wanted to look like a hairy caveman ape creature, but the way he’d quickly slammed the tweezers down when Zoro walked in on him in the bathroom was a big old screaming sign that was bigger and more screaming than even all the others combined even.
5. Jacking off with his nose buried in one of Zoro’s shirts-Zoro, when he’d caught him, had grinned and tossed the idiotic love chef over the nearest flat surface. Now that was the sign he’d been waiting for.
Ouran
Five times Mori Spoke up only to end up Wishing he’d Kept Silent- for seca
1. “Spinach in your teeth.” - the girl he’d told that too had run off mortified, and they’d never seen her again. Mori had just thought she might’ve wanted to know.
2. “I like cheese.”-this little gem earned him baskets and baskets of gift cheese from the guests. He thought all those many people had paid too much for bad smelling things from Europe.
3. “Smells.”-in relation to the aforementioned, he probably should have just said “Thanks.” Same number of syllables, after all.
4. “You’re not allowed.”-Honey’s wounded look haunted him for days afterwards.
5. “…okay.”-He had no one else to blame, he supposed, other than himself. At least Honey thought they looked adorable in their matching bunny pajamas.
Wolf's Rain
Five Lessons Tsume Regrets Teaching Toboe- for pyrefly
1. Posturing- some wolves were meant to intimidate others into getting what they wanted. Toboe was meant to wag his tail and roll onto his back and not stop chattering brainlessly on until whoever he was bothering sighed, gave up, and gave in (or walked off the nearest ledge). Posturing just made the pup look ridiculously stupid (cute).
2. That leather is a strong choice of clothing amongst humans-that little escapade led to Tsume having to explain why everyone was calling Toboe the “submissive” of the two and make the kid change back to what he’d been wearing on his human illusion before right now (as wimpy as it was).
3. That because the only female in their group was taken, the kid would be next in line to play bitch to either him or Kiba come mating season. He’d only meant to scare the pup into maybe not being such a weakling, but Toboe had apparently taken it as some kind of proposal and was doing his best to learn from Blue how to be “wifely” (i.e. constantly nagging Tsume). The only good thing to come of the whole ordeal was the fact that it looked like Kiba was bottom of the barrel here.
4. That he wasn’t as wimpy as he looked if he just snarled a little. Toboe apparently, took that as a cue to switch from asking Blue about nuzzling to asking Hige how to mount. It would be a cold day in hell before Tsume let that happen.
5. How to stalk prey- for some reason the little idiot thought that meant Tsume wanted to be pounced on constantly. Either that or the kid had some sick fascination with constantly being pinned to his back with Tsume’s teeth grazing his throat. What the hell had Hige been saying to him anyway?
Antique Bakery
Five Mistakes Ono has Made in the Kitchen- for explodinguterus
1. Ask Tachibana to help him spread the cream-it just figured the poor guy would take it as some sort of raunchy homosexual innuendo and shout indignant responses loud enough for the customers to hear. Ono had been particularly horrified by the “My cream is for me alone! I mean… and ladies too,” that had driven two nice young girls running from the shop. They hadn’t even finished their tortes.
2. Ask one of the assistants from another shop who’d been in love with him to please help spread the cream. Sure, looking back it was all fond memories, but at the time being thrown on top of his carefully laid out fruit tarts and ravished had only set him back approximately three hours in his work and shaved ten years off the owner’s life when he’d walked in to see what the hold up was.
3. Admit to Eiji that some guy had been harassing him for being gay on the walk home after hours. While he appreciated his apprentice’s protectiveness he was certain the man’s family hadn’t appreciated the three broken ribs and the partial brain damage. Eiji still insisted that it had been some of his best work.
4. Offer Chikage an Éclair while Tachibana wasn’t looking-Tachibana maintained that Chikage ate like a five-year old. Ono maintained that he ate like anything but.
5. Get drunk at the shop’s New Year’s party and insist he could still make everyone something good to eat while under the influence. Though the photographs of Tachibana and Eiji scarfing cock-shaped gingerbread cookies (while Chikage choked on his) will forever be one of the highlights of his memories, he has to admit with some shame that he’d burned them a little bit in the process, and really, he hated it when people ate things he considered less-than his best work, cock or no cock.
Bleach
Five Secrets Yumichika is Even less Likely to Reveal than the One about Fujikujaku- for sophiap
1. Any of a comrade’s or enemy’s weaknesses during battle-Ikkaku had once been in a life and death one-on-one with a particularly monstrous Hollow, and while Yumichika had analyzed and discovered its weaknesses rather quickly, when he’d tried to tell Ikkaku, the look on his friend’s face as he’d battled stopped him before the pretty shinigami could say a word. If he’d spoken it might have saved Madarame some of the stitches he’d had to get afterwards, but the look of satisfaction on the bald idiot’s face as he’d proudly recounted the story to the boys at the bar later that night was something that in the end, Yumichika discovered was well worth the cost.
2. He’s actually left-handed-if Shuuhei ever found out Yumichika had beaten him with his less dominant hand the fifth seat suspected that his lover would have an all out sulk fest that would require Yumichika buy the apology/feel better present this time. As far as Yumi was concerned that was a rather unsettling precedent that he didn’t feel comfortable establishing.
3. The intimate details of his life before meeting Ikkaku. Madarame told him the past didn’t matter, and while he hadn’t believed it then, he believed it now, after a hand had reached out for him one raucous night at the brothel and some smiling idiot had asked him if he wanted to “get the hell outta here’n go get a drink.”
4. Sometimes he got split ends. Horrific.
5. He cried a little-just a little-the first time he and Shuuhei (finally) had sex. Luckily the clueless idiot had been too busy trying to keep his eyes from crossing and cursing at the top of his lungs to notice. On another note, it was also nice to know he still had that effect on people.
Five Secret things Byakuya Thinks about Rukia- requested by siedhr
1. She is stronger than her sister. It makes him feel guilty just as much as it makes him relieved whenever she proves this fact to him (time and time and time again).
2. As much as he’d tried, he hadn’t been able to give her everything she could ever want. But oddly enough, she’s discovered ways of getting those things all on her own anyway. He’s glad she’s found the family he hadn’t been able to provide.
3. She is stronger than her sister, but she could die just as easily. More so. Sometimes he regrets that she became a shinigami.
4. Sometimes he is proud of her, because as a shinigami, she is a very good shinigami. It’s deeply troubling to feel both bone-chilling fear and something like familial pride whenever he thinks about the issue.
5. One day she will break a young man’s heart and give another all he could want in the world. When that day comes Byakuya will buy the broken hearted a drink and break the successful suitor’s wrist (to even things out). He hopes Renji will be able to appreciate a thousand-dollar bottle of wine.
Five Things that Ikkaku Delegated to Shuuhei (it's not like they ever talked about it, but these aren’t his problems anymore, as far as he’s concerned)- requested by west_side
1. Punching bag duty-bad days taken out on the best friend have officially become bad days taken out on the boyfriend. Now Ikkaku just has to let Yumichika in on the news of this little peaceful hand-off, because goddamn his shoulder hurts and “WHY THE FUCK YOU GOTTA TAKE THIS SHIT OUT ON ME?! I WAS JUST EATING!”
2. Worrier duty-back late from a mission? Back bloody and unconscious from a mission? Not back from a mission yet? It’s none of Ikkaku’s business anymore. Shuuhei’s the one who should be worrying, should be clenching his jaw and growling and punching the nearest person passing by just ‘cuz he don’t like the bastard’s face. Ikkaku definitely isn’t responsible for feeling like that anymore. Yup. It’s nice. All that definitely isn’t any skin off his nose anymo… “WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, DUMBASS? I FUCKIN’ MISSED DINNER WAITING YOU, ASSHOLE! STOP LAUGHING! …I FUCKIN’ HATE YOU.”
3. I’m-sorry-I-or-any-of-our-mutual-acquaintances-said-something-stupid duty- from now on Shuuhei’s the one who has to comfort the fruity little bastard whenever something dumb gets said to him. Even if it’s Zaraki saying something about how his hair looks weird today or Yachiru telling him he’s thicker than he was yesterday. Or-- hypothetically of course-- Ikkaku maybe offhandedly suggesting something about how things are kinda weird ‘cuz Hisagi has always been such a big breast man. No matter who says it, when Yumichika comes home at the end of the day it’s freakin’ Shuuhei’s and Shuuhei’s job only, to say the things and do the things to make whatever’d gone wrong right again. All of it isn’t his responsibility even if Ikkaku just happens to maybe suggest that Yumi might like a bouquet of white gladiolas today, maybe tell Hisagi “here, take this ridiculous expensive chocolate he likes from that freakin’ boutique on the uptown side of seireitei, I just happened to have some on hand and it’ll save you the trip, and stop lookin’ at me like that asshole, I’m just tryin’ to help you out, okay? …Whaddya mean ‘whatever I say?’ Don’t roll your eyes at me! …Fucker.”
4. Taste-tester duty- whenever Yumichika cooks it’s no more, “Ikkaku, try this,” or “Ikkaku, I just added salt, try it again…” ‘cuz now that’s Shuuhei’s job and it’s got nothing to do with him and…waitasecond. Yumi cooks pretty good. “Dammit.”
5. Comfort duty-one day there’s gonna be some bastard stronger, faster, quicker, luckier than Ikkaku, and when there is, he might just bite the dust. That ever happens, it’s Shuuhei’s job to take care of everything from there on out. Knowin’ that now… it’s at least one less thing Ikkaku’s gotta worry for when he’s in the middle of a good fight. The what comes after part. ‘Cuz now he knows there’ll still be someone left to watch over if anything should happen. “And that, more’n anything else, you better get right, you fucker. ‘Cuz you don’t, I’ll come back as a Hollow and bite your freakin’ head off, ‘kay? Try’n stop me.”
Five Things Renji's Friends Paid the Tattoo Artist to put on his Forehead Before Renji Clued in on the Treason and Threatened Them all with Monkey Farts- for kotszok
1. “My head is on fire” - Courtesy of Iba. Iba is a dumbass.
2. “My monkey has gas”-Courtesy of Ikkaku. Zabimaru didn’t take too kindly to that, given that it was a boldfaced lie. His snake had indigestion.
3. “Placed three spots behind Kira Izuru for valedictorian, class of 1800”-Courtesy of Kira. Though he supported no. 2 (as suggested by Ikkaku) more, because people really ought to be warned about that monkey gas. It was absolutely rancid.
4. “Space for rent”-Courtesy of Shuuhei. He figured so long as Renji wasn’t trying to think or anything, they might as well try to turn a profit on that big giant head of his. The rent would be low too, since-like Ikkaku’d said-- the monkey had gas.
5. “I’m red down South too”-courtesy of Yumichika. Everyone momentarily forgot about the smell and wanted to know how the fuck Yumichika knew that.
Five Embarrassing Things Yumi has Caught Shuuhei Doing- for ainbthen
1. Trying out some stock apologies out loud to himself for those moments where he knew he had to apologize but didn’t know what for. Needless to say, his list of responses got taken away that day. And he apologized a lot for it too. Yumichika really thought that they sounded better on the fly like that.
2. Smelling Yumichika’s clothes-Yumi had only been gone for a few days, after all, and the laundry he’d left behind was absolutely clean.
3. Asking Ikkaku for romantic advice-a case of the blind leading the blind except replace “blind” with “idiotic.”
4. Singing “I’m a little teapot” to Yachiru-clearly she was too old for those types of little kid things now, and had just asked for a song because she’d wanted to see if Shuu-chan would actually go ahead and embarrass himself like that. Yumichika really was proud of the way she was growing up sometimes.
5. Practicing his vows to himself in the mirror-he stuttered, stumbled, and fell over every word, red faced and frustrated. When he saw Yumichika’s smiling reflection in the glass though, he somehow managed to say every word perfectly. He really was an odd one sometimes.
Five Ways Ichigo Tried to Propose to Rukia (and what went wrong)- for tokki_chan
1. The good old bended-knee approach- but she kicked him in the shin before he could get a word out because she immedietely thought it was some sort of short joke.
2. The second attempt was during a walk in the park. But she’d stopped to get ice cream just as he’d tried to work up the nerve to ask again. The ice cream vendor had smiled and asked her tall oniisama-- who was obviously being a good big brother and watching over her while she played today-- if it was alright for his cute little sister to get a double scoop cone, the second scoop on the house. The prospect of free food had been too good for her little mercenary heart to turn up it seemed, and after hearing her call him “oniisan” to further her purposes the mood was just ruined for Ichigo. And very, very wrong.
3. Next he tried via hell moth, a sweet, secret message from captain to vice-captain. A curious Yachiru intercepted the poor creature, however, and from then on was convinced that she and Ichi-chan were going to get wedded just as soon as she picked out a nice dress and found her favorite rainbow macaroni bracelet. Ichigo spent the next few days running away from a somehow more-scary-than-usual Zaraki.
4. After that he tried asking in the heat of battle, because he thought it was rather poetic to ask at a time that represented them both so well. Except as he was shouting, “Will you…” he got swallowed. By the time he sliced his way out of the giant creature he was covered in black, steaming ooze that smelled like burning and Rukia was too busy rolling on the floor laughing (and pointing) at him for him to conjure up the will to ask her again. Instead he ordered her-as her captain-to stop. She just laughed at him harder.
5. By grabbing her and shaking her-hard-- after he failed for the millionth time all over again and he couldn’t take it anymore. She said yes, and promptly broke his nose. He supposed, in retrospect, that things could have gone worse.
What Renji, Shuuhei, Ikkaku, Iba, and Yumichika (Five People) Like Best About Kira- requested by skadhelias
1. Shuuhei appreciates that Kira’s got Ikkaku completely whipped-makes it easier to turn around the jokes the bald idiot is always making about how Hisagi is with Yumi.
2. Yumichika knows that beautiful men have to stick together-they’re so very rare and precious, after all. And on top of all that, the two idiots who love he and Kira need particular special taking care of, as they’re both rather helpless without them.
3. Ikkaku likes his ass. ‘Cuz it’s nice and perky and firm-- fits just about right into the palms of his hands and when he squeezes Kira lets out the nicest little sounds… mmm…
4. Iba’s always had a thing for blonds, what can he say?
5. Renji rather likes Kira’s ass too. But don’t tell Ikkaku.
Five Things Hollow!Ichigo Would do if he Had total Control of Ichigo- requested by brokenwindopane
1. Ride a pony-the metaphor might be more powerful if he actually knew what it was like.
2. Rematch the prissy bitch in the hair curlers. For some reason just thinking about the princess pisses him the hell off. Maybe he’ll take the girly-man’s cute little sister for a ride too-- just to mess with him.
3. Rematch the slightly less prissy (but no less faggy) one-armed freak with the 90210 hair. That fight just hurt his goddamned pride. Ichigo was such a girl.
4. Break Hirako’s face-could only be an improvement, after all. Freaky fuck.
5. Watch some goddamned TV. It is so fucking boring in Ichigo’s inner land of cubicles that it’d drive any sane Zanpakutou to homicide. Besides, he hears Jackass is freaking brilliant.
One Piece
Five Times Zoro Wished he had Spoken up but Didn't- for nuitaripwnage
1. On deciding whether they followed the road signs on the street to either Happy Town or Doomsdayville. Happy Town was such a boring-ass pansy name.
2. When Sandai Kitetsu and Yubashiri and Wadou Ichimonji were all arguing about who was the most gleaming of the three. Obviously it was the latter of the three, but Zoro thought answering might have seemed weird. Plus he hadn’t really wanted to take sides or anything, since they all gleamed rather well in his opinion.
3. Sanji’s purple pattern shirt. Just… yeah.
4. After Usopp’s eighth beer last week. Because no one needed to see that and it had taken Sanji entirely too long to find the drunk idiot’s overalls.
5. Yesterday. Might have meant he wouldn’t have to break everyone out of prison today. Not that it wasn’t fun or anything, but the swords were still arguing, and Sanji kept giving him strange looks every time he told them to shut up. No one understood him.
Five Things Zoro's Caught Sanji Doing when the Chef thought he was Alone- for tsukishine
1. Fondling a baguette-when caught the chef insisted that he was admiring the baker’s detail to crusty texture, but Zoro rather thought it was a sign.
2. Licking ‘meringue’ from his fingers-the excuse this time was that he’d had extra and didn’t want it to waste. Zoro thought it was just another sign.
3. Mix-matching his ties and his shirts to find something “fun” for the upcoming spring season. Sanji, when discovered in the midst of this, growled that it was to look “fashionable” and that Neanderthals like Zoro would never be able to understand. Zoro concluded that the signs were everywhere if you knew how to read them.
4. Tweezing his eyebrows-Sanji snarled that not everyone wanted to look like a hairy caveman ape creature, but the way he’d quickly slammed the tweezers down when Zoro walked in on him in the bathroom was a big old screaming sign that was bigger and more screaming than even all the others combined even.
5. Jacking off with his nose buried in one of Zoro’s shirts-Zoro, when he’d caught him, had grinned and tossed the idiotic love chef over the nearest flat surface. Now that was the sign he’d been waiting for.
Ouran
Five times Mori Spoke up only to end up Wishing he’d Kept Silent- for seca
1. “Spinach in your teeth.” - the girl he’d told that too had run off mortified, and they’d never seen her again. Mori had just thought she might’ve wanted to know.
2. “I like cheese.”-this little gem earned him baskets and baskets of gift cheese from the guests. He thought all those many people had paid too much for bad smelling things from Europe.
3. “Smells.”-in relation to the aforementioned, he probably should have just said “Thanks.” Same number of syllables, after all.
4. “You’re not allowed.”-Honey’s wounded look haunted him for days afterwards.
5. “…okay.”-He had no one else to blame, he supposed, other than himself. At least Honey thought they looked adorable in their matching bunny pajamas.
Wolf's Rain
Five Lessons Tsume Regrets Teaching Toboe- for pyrefly
1. Posturing- some wolves were meant to intimidate others into getting what they wanted. Toboe was meant to wag his tail and roll onto his back and not stop chattering brainlessly on until whoever he was bothering sighed, gave up, and gave in (or walked off the nearest ledge). Posturing just made the pup look ridiculously stupid (cute).
2. That leather is a strong choice of clothing amongst humans-that little escapade led to Tsume having to explain why everyone was calling Toboe the “submissive” of the two and make the kid change back to what he’d been wearing on his human illusion before right now (as wimpy as it was).
3. That because the only female in their group was taken, the kid would be next in line to play bitch to either him or Kiba come mating season. He’d only meant to scare the pup into maybe not being such a weakling, but Toboe had apparently taken it as some kind of proposal and was doing his best to learn from Blue how to be “wifely” (i.e. constantly nagging Tsume). The only good thing to come of the whole ordeal was the fact that it looked like Kiba was bottom of the barrel here.
4. That he wasn’t as wimpy as he looked if he just snarled a little. Toboe apparently, took that as a cue to switch from asking Blue about nuzzling to asking Hige how to mount. It would be a cold day in hell before Tsume let that happen.
5. How to stalk prey- for some reason the little idiot thought that meant Tsume wanted to be pounced on constantly. Either that or the kid had some sick fascination with constantly being pinned to his back with Tsume’s teeth grazing his throat. What the hell had Hige been saying to him anyway?