JE/NewS- "The One Where NewS Members Become Superheroes"
Title: The One Where NewS Members Become Superheroes
Universe: JE/ NewS
Theme/Topic: N/A
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: NewS (and as usual, slightly TegoxTheWorld)
Warnings/Spoilers: CRACK clearly.
Word Count: 6,280
Summary: In the future, Koyama comes up with the perfect TV show for NewS.
Dedication: This is dedicated to everyone. THAT’S RIGHT. Because together, we have the power to change the world. (Translation: NewS eats my brain and I’m sorry this is so completely unedited and retarded.)
A/N: So for some reason my brain decided to randomly vomit out 6,000+words of random crack today for no reason and I guess I am so not worried about the jentfic_remix thing given that I GOT ANN that I probably won’t work on it until sometime next week. LOL It’s like KoyaShige working together on Onigokko, Ann! You make me too comfortable to be scared. XD Also, just to note: because I love her, there is a minor reference to konliza’s amazing Batjin fic in this story as well, which will just read as “WTF” to you all if you haven’t seen her story yet.
Disclaimer: No harm is meant by this!
1.
They are just a few months shy of Shige and Tegoshi’s college graduations when Koyama realizes that after the two youngest members are finished with school, NewS might actually be able to finally realize their years-long dream of having their own television show.
He gets so excited by the prospect that he can’t sleep just thinking about it; he’s wanted a show where he could be with the members every week for a really long time now. Not to say that he doesn’t love MCing for his kouhai and watching them grow up to be capable and talented idols, but Koyama knows that his groupmates will always be number one in his heart no matter what. NewS is like his second family that way.
“Ah, what kind of show would we have?” he murmurs to himself, and lies in bed staring at the ceiling of his room as he tries to figure out what would be cool, what the other members would like. What would be different. He doesn’t want NewS’s show to be like any of the other groups’ TV shows (as entertaining as they are); he wants it to be special. A show that can only be done with NewS members and no one else in Johnny’s Entertainment.
“Eh…what’s unique about us compared to the other groups?” he wonders, and thinks that this is the best place to start his brainstorming. “How could we make the world a better place with our skills, ne.”
He makes it his mission over the next week to figure out all the ultra-special unique things there are about his group and use them to create a great TV show.
~~~~~
Naturally, Koyama’s first inclination is to ask the other members for their input on the matter outright. This is a project they’d all be working on together, after all. He wants everyone to be happy with the end result.
“Massu, what do you think is special about NewS?” he asks the younger boy during a break between interviews the next day.
Massu blinks up from the anpan he is eating and smiles. “Well,” he says, looking thoughtful, “everyone in NewS is a nice person!”
Koyama beams. “That’s true!”
He makes a note.
~~~~~
Next, he asks Yamapi.
“Captain, what do you think is special about NewS?”
Yamapi laughs. “When you look at us, of course you’ll think that NewS is full of people who have a man’s strong sense of justice, ne!”
Koyama’s heart swells at his leader’s praise. “Of course!”
He writes that down too.
~~~~~
After that it’s Ryo-chan.
The second oldest member furrows his brow at the inquiry, and after a moment where he can only think of awkwardly sweet things he definitely doesn’t want to say out loud ever, he fidgets and mutters, “Everyone is pretty well behaved I guess,” instead.
Koyama knows what he means though; he reaches out and hugs Ryo tightly. “Right, aniki!”
Embarrassed, Ryo snarls and tries to shove Koyama off of him, but from a distance it just kind of looks like he’s hugging Koyama back.
~~~~~
“Eh? What makes us special?” Tegoshi murmurs, and very seriously considers his answer.
“Ah, I know!” he manages after a few minutes, snapping his fingers. “What makes us special is that we don’t have any weaknesses!” When he says this, it is with infinite confidence.
Koyama blinks and isn’t quite sure what Tegoshi means. Sometimes the younger member’s brain spins too fast for him to keep up; usually Shige is the only one who understands those random bursts of insight. “Eh, really? What do you mean?”
Tegoshi smiles patiently. “When I say we have no weaknesses I mean as a group, ne. Since we know each other’s individual strengths and weaknesses well, if there is ever a time when I’m weak, I always know that one of the others can compensate and be strong for me in that moment. Or if someone else is weak in something else, then I know I can be strong for them back.” He reaches out to take Koyama’s hand in his. “Like, how I always get lost, ne. I know I can call Kei-chan or Shige and they’ll give me directions in no time. On the other hand, if Kei-chan is having trouble with heights during the shows, I can lend him my strength since I’m not afraid of those things.”
Koyama nearly cries at how thoughtful Tesshi has become over the years.
“We really don’t have any weaknesses!” he agrees.
~~~~~
Last, Koyama asks Shige what he thinks.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Shige says, and looks vaguely annoyed at Koyama trying to talk to him when the older boy knows he has several hundred big exams coming up.
“Eh? What’s obvious, Shige?”
Silence.
And then Shige sighs. “Okay, I know I call you all dumb a lot, but when you think about it, we’re really the most well-educated group in the company, and our specialties run a wide spectrum. If we-and everyone we knew in Johnny’s- suddenly weren’t idols anymore, out of everyone in any of those former idol groups, I think NewS members as a whole would be the most likely to attain high-income jobs and own our own property in the future. These things would, of course, be from the merits of our own abilities.”
Koyama thinks that that answer sounds just like something Shige would say. “Shige is so smart!” he marvels, and ruffles his friend’s hair before writing down what parts of Shige’s assessment he can remember in his little notepad.
Shige rolls his eyes. “Most of us would be more likely to attain high-income jobs,” he amends, and goes back to studying.
Koyama is too busy looking at his notes to hear him anyway.
~~~~~
That night Koyama sits in his living room staring down at his notepad while Haruto and his younger brother wreak havoc on the floor with toys and games. The oldest NewS member is concentrating so hard on what he’d written during the week that he barely notices the ruckus his two young nephews are causing right in front of him.
In front of him he has six notes, one from each of the members. A sign of what in NewS is important to every one of them.
“Everyone in NewS is a nice person!”- Massu
“NewS has a strong sense of justice!”- Pi
“NewS is well-behaved.”- Ryo
“NewS has no weaknesses.”- Tegoshi
“NewS is smart and can be successful in the real world.”- Shige
“NewS is full of helpful people.”- Koyama
“Hmmmm,” Koyama thinks, and wonders how those six things can be fit together to make a new TV show-a new concept-that all of them can be proud of.
He stares at the paper until his eyes feel like they are going to cross.
When Haruto suddenly puts his hands on Koyama’s knees and says, “Kei-chan, I want to play superheroes!!!” Koyama is so surprised by the interruption that he nearly jumps off the couch.
“Eh?”
“Superheroes!” Haruto repeats, looking impatient. “Let’s play!”
“Haruto, I can’t play superhe…” but before he can finish the sentence a thought suddenly occurs to him and he trails off abruptly, blinking.
“Kei-chan?”
Koyama grins and picks his nephew up. “Haru-kun is amazing!!” he exclaims, standing and spinning the kid in a circle. “That is perfect!!”
Haruto sighs. “Kei-chan,” he starts, “I said superheroes. Not airplane.”
Koyama laughs and gladly complies.
~~~~~
Months later, after Tegoshi and Shige both graduate at the tops of their classes, NewS gets its first ever all-member television program.
It is ingeniously entitled, “That’s Super NewS!!!!!!”
With six exclamation points.
~~~~~
2.
“This is ridiculous! We are not superheroes!!” Shige sputters, when he reads the program’s premise. “We don’t have any super powers!!!”
Silence.
In the back of the room, Tegoshi pouts when he realizes he forgot his wallet at home this morning. Ten seconds later his phone rings; it’s Nagase, asking him if he wants to be treated to lunch later today.
“Sure!” Tegoshi chirps, and hangs up in much better spirits.
Shige coughs. “I don’t have any super powers,” he amends.
Koyama protests. “Sure you do, Shige! You’re smart!”
“That is not a power!” Shige tells him. “Superheroes can fly or shoot lasers out of their eyes. I just graduated college!”
“But,” Massu begins, looking thoughtful, “Batman doesn’t have any super powers either.”
Shige scoffs in the face of that argument. “Remember what happened the last time someone made Batman his role model around here?”
A beat.
In which Shige realizes that no, none of them actually do remember that incident.
He slaps a hand to his forehead. “Look,” he says, “this isn’t going to work. The premise of this TV show is completely implausible.”
“We’re going live from the Tokyo Police Department next week,” Ryo notes absently, rendering Shige’s protests completely useless by using the ever-powerful “management has already decided” card. He continues to casually flip through his filming outline.
“Eh, the police department? That sounds fun!” Yamapi chirps, and flashes Koyama a thumbs up.
“It does!” Tegoshi agrees brightly. “Good work, Kei-chan!”
Shige nearly screams.
But in light of their enthusiasm, he settles for slumping helplessly in a corner and burying his head into his hands instead.
“Oh my god.”
~~~~~
3.
Their first week on the job is pretty tame; they learn about the rules and regulations police officers in Japan have to follow and Tegoshi gets to play with the siren on one of the squad cars after smiling really sweetly at Yamazaki-san, the grumpy detective who had been forced into giving them the tour of the precinct.
The crotchety old officer warms up to them a little after that, though he’s still convinced that a bunch of kids whose main credential is cheering for volleyball players aren’t going to be cut out for this job no matter how smart Johnny says they are.
Shige is convinced too, and keeps trying to tell his bandmates about how dangerous guns are and how police officers die all the time, like in that drama Koyama was in a few years ago.
His logic completely sails over their heads.
“That kind of thing is exactly why we have to do our best to help them, Shige,” Yamapi says to the younger man very seriously and with cameras rolling all around them.
The rest of the group nods. “We don’t want what happened in Kei-chan’s drama to happen in real life if we can help it!” Tegoshi agrees, and hugs Koyama’s arm tightly.
“NewS power!” Koyama and Massu add, pumping their fists.
Their ratings that week are at an 11.8% share and after episode one, NewS gets thousands of fan letters pouring into the office about how touched the country is that their idols would be so selfless as to try and protect them. Five hundred of those letters express disappointment in Kato’s negative attitude.
Shige wants to tear out his hair.
~~~~~
4.
It isn’t until the taping of the second episode of “That’s Super NewS!!!!!!” that something exciting actually happens; of all things, the group gets called to the scene of a bank robbery in progress.
“Let’s go!” the directors shout at the group as policemen and women pour into cars and take off in the direction of the incident.
“Are you joking me?” Shige asks. “What can we possibly do to help?!”
He is summarily ignored and hustled into a waiting police van with the rest of his groupmates.
“How exciting!” Tegoshi burbles against Ryo’s side as they speed towards the scene of the crime.
“I wonder if they’ll give us guns,” Ryo muses, and Shige does not like the wicked little half-smile on the older boy’s face right now.
“Eh, do I put this on like this?” Yamapi asks, completely at peace as he clips on his Kevlar. Backwards. “Uwah, it looks cool!”
The armed law enforcement officers sitting in the van alongside them all share dubious looks.
Shige doesn’t blame them.
~~~~~
When they arrive in front of the bank five minutes later the police commissioner briefs them on the specifics of the incident; a group of six masked men with guns are all inside holding thirty two innocent bystanders hostage.
Koyama promptly gathers his groupmates (and a cameraman) into a brainstorming circle. “What do we do?” he whispers.
“Leave it to the authorities,” Shige tells him dryly.
He’s ignored.
Tegoshi is the next to make a suggestion; he smiles and raises his hand. “I’ll go talk to them, ne!”
“Um, what?” Shige asks.
But everyone is on board with Tegoshi’s idea. “This is definitely his strength, ne,” Pi agrees.
“Alright, Tegoshi!” Koyama encourages warmly, “Go use your powers on them, ne!”
“Yosh!” Tegoshi pumps his fist and ducks out of the circle.
Shige watches in horror as Tegoshi fearlessly skips into the bank’s front doors.
Alone.
~~~~~
Shige is equally-if not more-horrified when, five minutes later, Yamazaki-san peeks in on Tegoshi’s progress and then promptly throws down his binoculars in a blind panic.
“Move, move, move!!!” he orders, and Shige watches, fear-struck, as teams and teams of armed officers suddenly storm into the building like all hell has broken loose inside.
Shige's initial thought is that Tegoshi has been killed.
But then Tegoshi bounces out of the door not ten minutes later, completely unharmed. He’s even munching on a candy bar.
Following are the six bank robbers, all handcuffed and unmasked.
“What happened?” Shige demands, rushing up to Tegoshi and checking him over for any sucking chest wounds that they just might not be able to see.
Tegoshi shrugs helplessly. “When I went in, the six of them instantly pointed their guns at me, ne. It was weird. They didn’t even smile at me when I smiled at them first.”
Koyama gasps in horror. “How could they do that?”
“But then, when they tried to fire, all of their guns just jammed.”
Shige stares when he hears this. “All six of their guns jammed.”
Tegoshi sparkles guilelessly. “Yup!”
“Eh, where did you get the candy bar?” Massu asks next, because clearly that is the second most important thing of note here.
Tegoshi laughs. “Well, I was feeling hungry all of a sudden, and while their guns were jamming Yamazaki-san and all the others suddenly came in, right? Yamazaki-san had one of these in his pocket and it happened to be my favorite. Isn’t that lucky?”
Massu smiles, completely unfazed by Tegoshi’s story. “Really lucky!”
“All six of their guns jammed,” Shige reiterates, and still can’t quite get his mind around that part. “At the same time.”
“Sasuga Tegoshi!” Yamapi laughs, reaching out to ruffle the youngest member’s hair fondly before the six of them are ushered out to take publicity photos with the thirty two relieved hostages.
Shige tries not to calculate the odds of six automatic machine guns jamming at exactly the same time and just hopes that after today, everyone will realize how dangerous this stupid show really is; maybe (hopefully) it will be cancelled next week.
Except it’s not, because that week’s episode pulls off a miraculous 21% share.
~~~~~
5.
The following week they are called to a scene in which an overstressed office worker is preparing to jump from the top of his company’s building.
“Last week was some sort of fluke. We definitely can’t do anything about this,” Shige tells his groupmates worriedly. “This person is clearly mentally unstable and this is a dangerous job meant only for a fully trained negotiator.”
The rest of NewS furrows their brows thoughtfully, taking what Shige is saying into consideration.
“I see what you mean,” Yamapi murmurs.
Shige is so relieved.
Then Ryo speaks. And ruins it.
“Well if that’s the case then the answer is obvious, isn’t it?” Ryo says, and looks disappointed that like last week, this week’s episode won’t involve him learning how to shoot a gun either.
“Yosh, do your best, Koyama!” Massu and Tegoshi chirp.
Koyama nods as he is handed a loudspeaker by the police commissioner.
“Ahaha…hello up there!” Koyama begins, brightly. “My name is Koyama, ne.”
He waves.
No wave back. The hysterical man looks on the verge of throwing himself from the ledge right then and there.
Koyama senses this-years of being an MC have been good for something, apparently-and he starts to talk faster. “Um… I’m in a group called NewS! I know it seems like working every day is really hard, but we have to try our best for the sake of ourselves and our families, ne. Uhm… have you heard of a song called Weeeek?”
Shige slaps a hand to his forehead.
~~~~~
Six hours later, after Koyama’s voice has gone hoarse and the situation is resolved, the former jumper-identified as 30-year-old Ibiki-san of Sony-tells TV interviewers that he doesn’t want to kill himself anymore. Rather, he inexplicably wants to work hard and become a cool adult upon reaching age 35.
Episode three garners a 22% share.
~~~~~
6.
“As happy as I am that our song was inspiring, I don’t see why it is an excuse to give us an even more terrifying case!” Shige complains loudly the following week, as cameras flash all around him and momentarily blind him.
Yamapi frowns and shows him the picture of the little girl that had been taken away from her family not twenty minutes ago. “She needs our help, ne. Her name is Shizuku-chan and she’s seven years old.”
Shige is incredulous. “What can we possibly do?!”
“Our best!” Massu tells him automatically, and gives him an encouraging smile.
“Shige, we’re back on in two minutes,” the line director tells them, and Shige suddenly remembers he’s at a crime scene and they’re filming live.
“We should start investigating,” Yamapi starts to Ryo, Shige, and Massu. Tegoshi and Koyama are towards the back of the room, comforting the hysterical mother as the police ask her questions.
“Man, we are never going to learn how to shoot guns, are we?” Ryo sighs, and shoves his hands into his pockets as they start to move around the room, looking for clues.
“Maybe next week,” the producer tells him, and counts them down to action.
Once filming starts Yamapi very helpfully tells the audience at home what is going on and what they are doing; in the background the camera operator catches it as Massu crouches on the floor next to what seems to be the spilled contents of a microwave dinner.
Shige reacts horribly when Massu dips his finger into the sauce-sweet and sour shrimp-and licks it experimentally. The smell of tomato, sugar, and garlic are almost overpowering.
“THAT’S EVIDENCE!” Shige complains to Massu hotly. “And it’s dirty!”
Massu frowns. “I know,” he says simply, before spending a few seconds looking at the spilled food with surprising intensity.
Shige supposes that to Massu, the waste is as big a crime as the kidnapping.
But before he can say anything derisive about it, Massu stands abruptly, padding over to Tegoshi and Koyama and the missing girl’s sobbing mother. Shige helplessly follows.
“And then I…I put down Shizuku-chan’s dinner and just like that, the door was kicked in!” she sobs. “The man threw me into the wall and grabbed her… when I woke up she was gone!!!”
Koyama hugs her gently. “It’s okay, ne. We’ll definitely find her.”
Tegoshi nods. “Trust in us!”
“Of course,” the poor woman sniffles, and tries to dry her eyes.
Off to the side, Massu raises his hand. “Ano,” he says, “did Shizuku-chan get to eat anything before she was kidnapped?”
A moment of silence.
Koyama laughs nervously. “Massu, maybe you shouldn’t…”
But Tegoshi holds out a hand, stops him. “Did you find something, Massu?”
“Mmm,” the older boy looks vaguely thoughtful. “Maybe, ne.” He turns back to the distraught woman. “Did she eat anything?”
The shaken mother takes a deep breath. “I’m sure she didn’t eat anything,” she confirms, looking thoroughly confused.
“Ah, okay.” Massu flashes her a comforting smile before he leads Koyama, Shige, and Tegoshi back towards the dining table while the police detective continues to question her without them.
“What did you find, Massu?” Koyama asks, throwing a nervous look over his shoulder at the poor mother.
“Well,” Massu begins, “I know these bentos are really delicious.”
Shige has a headache. “This is wildly inappropriate.”
Massu blinks. “Eh?”
Tegoshi pats Massu’s shoulder gently, before turning to Shige. “Believe in Massu’s power, ne, Shige.”
“What power?!”
Tegoshi smiles. “Just watch. Go on, Massu!” he urges.
By then Pi and Ryo have gained some interest in the happenings by the dining table and gather around their groupmates as well. “Did you find something?” Pi asks, craning his neck to see over Koyama’s shoulder.
“Mmm, like I was saying…these bentos are really delicious, so my mom buys them for me sometimes, ne. For when I work late; that way I can just microwave them when I get home, right?”
“Mmm, I see,” Yamapi responds, looking very serious despite the wild irrelevance.
Massu points to the food all over the floor. “There are seven shrimp left. One here, and one there, and three there, and two by the kitchen.”
“I see,” Yamapi nods again, though his eyes are clearly on the verge of glazing over.
“What’s the point?” Ryo demands impatiently, and might be grumpy because right now, he can’t see anything over anyone’s shoulder. He stands on his toes and tries to get a better view.
“Well…seven shrimp are left, but I know that eight definitely come in this bento,” Massu says knowingly.
Yamapi purses his lips. “I see.”
Shige sighs. “So…”
“Ah,” Tegoshi realizes, snapping his fingers. “So if Shizuku-chan didn’t get a chance to eat anything before the kidnapper came in and one shrimp isn’t here…”
Massu nods, and Shige sometimes wonders if Tegoshi is smart or stupid for being able to decipher Massu’s meanings so easily.
“I don’t get it,” Koyama pipes up for everyone else, because Yamapi will just keep saying “I see,” if no one else asks.
“One shrimp is missing,” Massu tells him.
“Ahahaha. Oh.”
“We get that,” Ryo presses. “How does that help us?”
“Oh!” Massu points to a small sauce stain by the doorway. “I saw that coming in, ne. Well, I smelled it coming in.”
More silence.
Tegoshi clears his throat. “I think what Massu is saying is that the kidnapper stepped on one of Shizuku-chan’s shrimps and since sweet and sour sauce is super sticky, it’s probably still on the bottom of his shoe, ne.”
Shige groans. “That doesn’t help us at all!!”
Tegoshi pouts. “Sure it does! If there’s a trail we just need to follow it, ne.”
“That’s impossible. Do you know how big this city is? How many people live in it?”
Tegoshi smiles. “Just over twelve million.”
“Exactly. How are we supposed to find a kidnapper with sweet and sour sauce on the bottom of his shoe? The tracks have to be wiped out by now.”
Massu looks thoughtful. “I don’t know, that sauce is really sticky.”
“Are you joking?” Shige asks, and hopes that they are.
They aren’t.
“Massu can find it,” Tegoshi chirps, sounding very certain. “Food is his life, ne.”
A moment.
“I see,” Yamapi says again, and earns himself a smack from Ryo this time. “I mean…let’s believe in Massu! Right, Tegoshi?”
“Right, leader!”
Koyama looks touched at the sentiment even if he still seems unsure of the logic (or lack thereof) behind it. “O-okay!”
Ryo just shrugs noncommittally. “No one else has any better ideas.”
Five minutes later, as they head out of the apartment door following Massu’s nose, Shige can’t believe that this is actually the smartest group in Johnny’s.
And yet, somehow, it is.
~~~~~
Twenty minutes later Massu leads them (and the boggled police officers) to the pier; he squeezes into one of the abandoned, boarded up warehouses on the south side and comes back out five minutes later with a drenched, sniffling seven-year-old in his arms.
“Found her!” he tells everyone, smile bright as the little girl clings tightly to his sweater.
No one really knows how to respond to that.
Massu doesn’t notice their surprise, handing little Shizuku-chan over to a gaping Yamazaki-san before he climbs back through the boards with Yamapi’s help.
“Yappari,” their leader says happily, “food is Massu’s life, ne.”
~~~~~
At the press conference over the matter a few days later, Yamazaki-san scratches his head and says in a vaguely resigned sort of way, “I guess Johnny’s idols really can do everything.”
That afternoon they award NewS with heroism medals and the keys to the city.
When Shige checks the ratings for the episode later that week, he realizes they have an unprecedented 29% share.
~~~~~
7.
The week after Massu’s miracle they’re given a bit of a respite; Yamazaki-san decides that NewS is full of responsible and civil-minded young men after all and agrees to teach them the rules to basic firearms operation at the police department shooting range.
Ryo is ecstatic.
Unsurprisingly, Shige is a horrible shot; he misses the target by a huge berth and gets laughed at good-naturedly by Massu and Koyama, who both do remarkably well. Tegoshi is a natural at everything he touches without trying and unblinkingly nails the target in the face without meaning to while Pi vows not to lose to anyone and respectably shoots the target in the arm. Ryo is the most intense out of the six of them and after taking careful aim, fires one through the forehead of the target.
Yamazaki-san whistles and asks them if they’d all like to take the firearm certification exam next week. The producers answer for all of them; they say yes.
~~~~~
Episode five involves Shige taking a test he hadn’t wanted to study for but did anyway out of pure instinct and years of conditioning; he breezes through the written portion of the exam with a perfect score and later, manages-just barely-to pass the actual shooting section of the test.
“Yappari, even though Shige was horrible last week, Shige did really well today after all that practice, ne!” Tegoshi chirps, talking in a superior manner at Shige without thinking. He smiles and pats the older boy, saying, “Aren’t you glad you get to experience so many different things on our TV show?”
“No,” Shige replies sourly, but is secretly proud to have gotten the highest score out of everyone on the written test anyway.
His joy isn’t long-lived, however; a call to the station puts Yamazaki-san in a panic and he storms back to the target room saying, “We just got wind of another child-kidnapping.”
~~~~~
When they arrive on the scene there is no food to help Massu this time, and he looks disappointed in himself for not being able to help. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything like I did last time,” he apologizes, bowing to the second girl’s distraught parents.
“We don’t know that it was the same person,” Shige starts logically, eyes sweeping over the scene of the crime on instinct now. “It could be an unrelated case or a copycat.”
“I see,” Yamapi murmurs, and glances over the crime scene as well. He wonders what Shige sees; all there seems to be is sand and a playground.
They spend the entire rest of the episode snooping around the grounds but come up with nothing; there are no clues and only a handful of witnesses who can’t remember anything distinct about the abductor.
“We’re going to have to wait for more information,” Yamazaki-san tells them regretfully once it starts getting dark at the park; “Maybe someone will have watched the show and can call in with something helpful later.”
That week the episode ends on a cliffhanger that none of the members wanted.
~~~~~
8.
The next week is a bust too, and the missing girl’s parents are hysterical with distress to the point that even Koyama and Tegoshi can’t calm them down. What’s worse is that more kids start disappearing in the meantime, from all over the country.
Yamapi looks troubled and Ryo seems disappointed; even Massu’s smile disappears whenever they’re told that this time, there’s nothing they can do.
People write in to the show asking NewS to keep trying, to do their best, to solve the crime. The pressure is building on each of their shoulders and Shige thinks that this is what he was dreading most of all when they took on this project; he doesn’t like letting people down and he knows the others like it even less than he does.
A few days later Yamapi is asked to please make a statement on the matter, and in a moment of blind passion, the group leader looks directly into the cameras and says, “We’ll use every bit of our power to find Kirimi-chan and the others, ne! I promise!”
Yamapi’s determined face is enough to put the public at ease, just like that. They really believe him.
Shige however, is a mixture of distressed and relieved when he hears Yamapi talk like that, because on the one hand, saying that kind of thing on camera has just quadrupled the already significant weight on each of the members’ shoulders.
But on the other hand, Shige also knows that Yamapi isn’t in the business of making promises he can’t keep.
~~~~~
By the time filming begins for the next episode no progress has been made at all and everyone is in low spirits. Koyama sits at his desk during one of the breaks and stares down at what seems to be a worn piece of yellow notebook paper with a sad look on his face.
Shige takes a peek over the older boy’s shoulder and realizes what it is. The stupid piece of paper that started this whole mess.
“Everyone in NewS is a nice person!”- Massu
“NewS has a strong sense of justice!”- Pi
“NewS is well-behaved.”- Ryo
“NewS has no weaknesses.”- Tegoshi
“NewS is smart and can be successful in the real world.”- Shige
“NewS is full of helpful people.”- Koyama
Koyama sighs and folds it up after a moment, putting it back into his pocket.
“Have you had that this whole time?” Shige asks, and slides into the seat next to his best friend.
Koyama is only startled by Shige’s sudden approach for a moment; after he realizes who it is he smiles sheepishly and nods. “Every day, ne.”
“This whole idea was ridiculous, you know,” Shige feels the need to point out, again.
Koyama looks heartbroken. “I guess it was, ne.”
Shige nods. “I mean… super powers? Maybe the universe’s love of Tegoshi counts, but other than that… all we really have is your MCing, Massu’s obsession with food, Ryo’s calm, and Yamapi’s determination.”
Koyama smiles a little crookedly. “That’s not all we have. Shige is smart too, ne.”
Shige snorts. “That’s not a super power.”
“Sure it is. Because of Shige’s brain, lots of things have turned out good in the past, haven’t they?”
Shige looks embarrassed at the unexpected praise. “Maybe.”
He can’t say anything else about it though, because the line director signals them to take their places again, meaning that the commercial break is almost over. The members all gather in front of the camera, looking glum but resolute.
Shige thinks about what Koyama said to him all day without meaning to.
~~~~~
Shige goes home that night and can’t sleep; after tossing and turning until two am he gets up, turns on his desk light and laptop, and gets to work.
He spends the rest of the night and his entire precious day off researching the circumstances of every kidnapping or disappearance: the timing, the family situations, the witness accounts, the newspaper reports.
He works on it for twenty seven hours straight before he realizes his phone has been buzzing at the nightstand for a record of ninety eight missed calls and thirty seven text messages.
The first one on the cue is the last one he’d received chronologically; he’s too lazy to scroll all the way back so he just clicks the latest one open and reads it instead.
It’s from Tegoshi.
“Shige, Koyama is worried since you haven’t picked up all day ne! You should call him because you know how he gets when we don’t respond on our free days. He’s like a mommy! Haha, NewS is like a family that way, right? Bye-bye!”
Shige blinks when he reads that last part; something in the back of his exhausted mind clicks into place suddenly and the gears start turning like they ought to, only he’s so tired he’s not sure he understands how it’s all falling together.
He keeps working for a little while longer without knowing what his aim is, and once it starts to get into thirty straight hours of work, he gives up trying to figure it all out and just sends all of the information he gathered to his groupmates. For some reason he finds himself highlighting the word “family” in red every time it appears on any of the pages.
He falls asleep believing that the six of them will be able to figure out what it all means together.
~~~~~
Ten hours later, he wakes up to a furious pounding on his door.
“Shige!! Shige you’re a genius!!” Koyama shrieks from the other side, and when the latch finally gives, five familiar bodies collapse into Shige’s small bedroom.
“Wha?” he murmurs, and blinks up at them blearily.
He’s immediately wrapped up in a giant group hug. “Shige’s powers are amazing!” Tegoshi laughs, nuzzling against Shige’s shoulder.
“Why are you all here?” he manages between not being able to breathe and someone’s elbow digging into his ribs.
“You cracked it!” Yamapi congratulates, and holds up a file full of the documents Shige had sent them last night.
“Even though all your work looks like an insane person’s,” Ryo agrees, but sounds proud anyway.
“Uh… what did I figure out now?” Shige manages.
“Families,” the other five say in tandem, and are still hugging Shige for some reason.
He groans. “Breakfast first,” he manages grumpily. “Then explain what’s going on to me.”
The others laugh at him.
~~~~~
“Every child that was abducted,” Koyama explains to the members of the precinct, “lived with at least one parent who was not blood related to them; in some cases the children were outright adopted.”
“How are adopted and step-children related in this case?” a police officer asks, and sounds skeptical with regards to the idols’ investigative abilities.
But Yamapi speaks up next, and is completely confident in his members’ findings. “Because if someone has family who is not related by blood,” he begins, with a significant look at the other members behind him, “that also means there is a family that that person is blood related to somewhere else in the world.”
A general murmur as some of the sharper detectives being to pick up on what NewS is saying.
“In short,” Shige explains, trying to sum it all up, “if you find out who the missing children’s other parents are, I am pretty sure you will find the children too. We think the kidnappers are merely providing a service. It’s for parents whose children were adopted away from them or for parents who had sole custody of a child granted to his or her spouse after a divorce. These children are being taken forcefully by the kidnappers and returned to these desperate parents for a price. That explains why we found Shizuku-chan at the wharf; her mother has confirmed that her father lives in Okinawa. She was probably going to be shipped there the night following her abduction.”
“It can’t be that easy,” another detective chimes in.
“It won’t be,” Shige tells him firmly. “Odds that these people have fled the country with the children in the time it took us to piece the case together are high. Chances are we won’t find a lot of these kids without great effort.”
“But,” Yamapi adds, stepping in again, “we’ll definitely get the job done, ne.”
He smiles winningly at the gathered law enforcement officials, and manages to win most of them over. When Tegoshi, Massu, Koyama, Ryo, and Shige join him, it’s a force no one in the precinct can willingly go up against.
~~~~~
Months later, NewS is exhausted but has managed to live up to its word; the children are returned after a lot of international investigations and the cooperation of various other world governments.
Shige feels a strange sense of pride in having been able to help with that, as tiring and frustrating as it had been. He reads about it in the newspapers and tells himself that even though it all turned out well, he’s just glad everything is finally over and done with.
“See?” Koyama says to him one day, when they aren’t taping their show anymore but thankfully, thankfully, just learning the new choreography for their upcoming Around Asia Tour. “I told you we could be superheroes, Shige!”
Shige automatically rolls his eyes. “We’re not superheroes,” he insists.
Koyama laughs. “Maybe not. But we’re always NewS, right?”
“Well, yeah.”
Yamapi pokes his head between them next, flashing them both a dual thumbs up. “And that’s close enough, ne!”
Shige finds himself chuckling helplessly at his leader’s enthusiasm. “Maybe. But if you ask me, I’m just glad that the show is over. I never want to do that kind of thing again.”
Which is Ryo’s cue to walk into the room holding a stack of official looking papers. He glances over at Shige and smiles like he knows something the rest of them don’t.
“Oi,” he says, cackling evilly, “We’ve been renewed for another season.”
END
ONCE AGAIN, WRITTEN IN A RUSH OF RANDOMNESS. EDITS PLZ.
Universe: JE/ NewS
Theme/Topic: N/A
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: NewS (and as usual, slightly TegoxTheWorld)
Warnings/Spoilers: CRACK clearly.
Word Count: 6,280
Summary: In the future, Koyama comes up with the perfect TV show for NewS.
Dedication: This is dedicated to everyone. THAT’S RIGHT. Because together, we have the power to change the world. (Translation: NewS eats my brain and I’m sorry this is so completely unedited and retarded.)
A/N: So for some reason my brain decided to randomly vomit out 6,000+words of random crack today for no reason and I guess I am so not worried about the jentfic_remix thing given that I GOT ANN that I probably won’t work on it until sometime next week. LOL It’s like KoyaShige working together on Onigokko, Ann! You make me too comfortable to be scared. XD Also, just to note: because I love her, there is a minor reference to konliza’s amazing Batjin fic in this story as well, which will just read as “WTF” to you all if you haven’t seen her story yet.
Disclaimer: No harm is meant by this!
1.
They are just a few months shy of Shige and Tegoshi’s college graduations when Koyama realizes that after the two youngest members are finished with school, NewS might actually be able to finally realize their years-long dream of having their own television show.
He gets so excited by the prospect that he can’t sleep just thinking about it; he’s wanted a show where he could be with the members every week for a really long time now. Not to say that he doesn’t love MCing for his kouhai and watching them grow up to be capable and talented idols, but Koyama knows that his groupmates will always be number one in his heart no matter what. NewS is like his second family that way.
“Ah, what kind of show would we have?” he murmurs to himself, and lies in bed staring at the ceiling of his room as he tries to figure out what would be cool, what the other members would like. What would be different. He doesn’t want NewS’s show to be like any of the other groups’ TV shows (as entertaining as they are); he wants it to be special. A show that can only be done with NewS members and no one else in Johnny’s Entertainment.
“Eh…what’s unique about us compared to the other groups?” he wonders, and thinks that this is the best place to start his brainstorming. “How could we make the world a better place with our skills, ne.”
He makes it his mission over the next week to figure out all the ultra-special unique things there are about his group and use them to create a great TV show.
~~~~~
Naturally, Koyama’s first inclination is to ask the other members for their input on the matter outright. This is a project they’d all be working on together, after all. He wants everyone to be happy with the end result.
“Massu, what do you think is special about NewS?” he asks the younger boy during a break between interviews the next day.
Massu blinks up from the anpan he is eating and smiles. “Well,” he says, looking thoughtful, “everyone in NewS is a nice person!”
Koyama beams. “That’s true!”
He makes a note.
~~~~~
Next, he asks Yamapi.
“Captain, what do you think is special about NewS?”
Yamapi laughs. “When you look at us, of course you’ll think that NewS is full of people who have a man’s strong sense of justice, ne!”
Koyama’s heart swells at his leader’s praise. “Of course!”
He writes that down too.
~~~~~
After that it’s Ryo-chan.
The second oldest member furrows his brow at the inquiry, and after a moment where he can only think of awkwardly sweet things he definitely doesn’t want to say out loud ever, he fidgets and mutters, “Everyone is pretty well behaved I guess,” instead.
Koyama knows what he means though; he reaches out and hugs Ryo tightly. “Right, aniki!”
Embarrassed, Ryo snarls and tries to shove Koyama off of him, but from a distance it just kind of looks like he’s hugging Koyama back.
~~~~~
“Eh? What makes us special?” Tegoshi murmurs, and very seriously considers his answer.
“Ah, I know!” he manages after a few minutes, snapping his fingers. “What makes us special is that we don’t have any weaknesses!” When he says this, it is with infinite confidence.
Koyama blinks and isn’t quite sure what Tegoshi means. Sometimes the younger member’s brain spins too fast for him to keep up; usually Shige is the only one who understands those random bursts of insight. “Eh, really? What do you mean?”
Tegoshi smiles patiently. “When I say we have no weaknesses I mean as a group, ne. Since we know each other’s individual strengths and weaknesses well, if there is ever a time when I’m weak, I always know that one of the others can compensate and be strong for me in that moment. Or if someone else is weak in something else, then I know I can be strong for them back.” He reaches out to take Koyama’s hand in his. “Like, how I always get lost, ne. I know I can call Kei-chan or Shige and they’ll give me directions in no time. On the other hand, if Kei-chan is having trouble with heights during the shows, I can lend him my strength since I’m not afraid of those things.”
Koyama nearly cries at how thoughtful Tesshi has become over the years.
“We really don’t have any weaknesses!” he agrees.
~~~~~
Last, Koyama asks Shige what he thinks.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Shige says, and looks vaguely annoyed at Koyama trying to talk to him when the older boy knows he has several hundred big exams coming up.
“Eh? What’s obvious, Shige?”
Silence.
And then Shige sighs. “Okay, I know I call you all dumb a lot, but when you think about it, we’re really the most well-educated group in the company, and our specialties run a wide spectrum. If we-and everyone we knew in Johnny’s- suddenly weren’t idols anymore, out of everyone in any of those former idol groups, I think NewS members as a whole would be the most likely to attain high-income jobs and own our own property in the future. These things would, of course, be from the merits of our own abilities.”
Koyama thinks that that answer sounds just like something Shige would say. “Shige is so smart!” he marvels, and ruffles his friend’s hair before writing down what parts of Shige’s assessment he can remember in his little notepad.
Shige rolls his eyes. “Most of us would be more likely to attain high-income jobs,” he amends, and goes back to studying.
Koyama is too busy looking at his notes to hear him anyway.
~~~~~
That night Koyama sits in his living room staring down at his notepad while Haruto and his younger brother wreak havoc on the floor with toys and games. The oldest NewS member is concentrating so hard on what he’d written during the week that he barely notices the ruckus his two young nephews are causing right in front of him.
In front of him he has six notes, one from each of the members. A sign of what in NewS is important to every one of them.
“Everyone in NewS is a nice person!”- Massu
“NewS has a strong sense of justice!”- Pi
“NewS is well-behaved.”- Ryo
“NewS has no weaknesses.”- Tegoshi
“NewS is smart and can be successful in the real world.”- Shige
“NewS is full of helpful people.”- Koyama
“Hmmmm,” Koyama thinks, and wonders how those six things can be fit together to make a new TV show-a new concept-that all of them can be proud of.
He stares at the paper until his eyes feel like they are going to cross.
When Haruto suddenly puts his hands on Koyama’s knees and says, “Kei-chan, I want to play superheroes!!!” Koyama is so surprised by the interruption that he nearly jumps off the couch.
“Eh?”
“Superheroes!” Haruto repeats, looking impatient. “Let’s play!”
“Haruto, I can’t play superhe…” but before he can finish the sentence a thought suddenly occurs to him and he trails off abruptly, blinking.
“Kei-chan?”
Koyama grins and picks his nephew up. “Haru-kun is amazing!!” he exclaims, standing and spinning the kid in a circle. “That is perfect!!”
Haruto sighs. “Kei-chan,” he starts, “I said superheroes. Not airplane.”
Koyama laughs and gladly complies.
~~~~~
Months later, after Tegoshi and Shige both graduate at the tops of their classes, NewS gets its first ever all-member television program.
It is ingeniously entitled, “That’s Super NewS!!!!!!”
With six exclamation points.
~~~~~
2.
“This is ridiculous! We are not superheroes!!” Shige sputters, when he reads the program’s premise. “We don’t have any super powers!!!”
Silence.
In the back of the room, Tegoshi pouts when he realizes he forgot his wallet at home this morning. Ten seconds later his phone rings; it’s Nagase, asking him if he wants to be treated to lunch later today.
“Sure!” Tegoshi chirps, and hangs up in much better spirits.
Shige coughs. “I don’t have any super powers,” he amends.
Koyama protests. “Sure you do, Shige! You’re smart!”
“That is not a power!” Shige tells him. “Superheroes can fly or shoot lasers out of their eyes. I just graduated college!”
“But,” Massu begins, looking thoughtful, “Batman doesn’t have any super powers either.”
Shige scoffs in the face of that argument. “Remember what happened the last time someone made Batman his role model around here?”
A beat.
In which Shige realizes that no, none of them actually do remember that incident.
He slaps a hand to his forehead. “Look,” he says, “this isn’t going to work. The premise of this TV show is completely implausible.”
“We’re going live from the Tokyo Police Department next week,” Ryo notes absently, rendering Shige’s protests completely useless by using the ever-powerful “management has already decided” card. He continues to casually flip through his filming outline.
“Eh, the police department? That sounds fun!” Yamapi chirps, and flashes Koyama a thumbs up.
“It does!” Tegoshi agrees brightly. “Good work, Kei-chan!”
Shige nearly screams.
But in light of their enthusiasm, he settles for slumping helplessly in a corner and burying his head into his hands instead.
“Oh my god.”
~~~~~
3.
Their first week on the job is pretty tame; they learn about the rules and regulations police officers in Japan have to follow and Tegoshi gets to play with the siren on one of the squad cars after smiling really sweetly at Yamazaki-san, the grumpy detective who had been forced into giving them the tour of the precinct.
The crotchety old officer warms up to them a little after that, though he’s still convinced that a bunch of kids whose main credential is cheering for volleyball players aren’t going to be cut out for this job no matter how smart Johnny says they are.
Shige is convinced too, and keeps trying to tell his bandmates about how dangerous guns are and how police officers die all the time, like in that drama Koyama was in a few years ago.
His logic completely sails over their heads.
“That kind of thing is exactly why we have to do our best to help them, Shige,” Yamapi says to the younger man very seriously and with cameras rolling all around them.
The rest of the group nods. “We don’t want what happened in Kei-chan’s drama to happen in real life if we can help it!” Tegoshi agrees, and hugs Koyama’s arm tightly.
“NewS power!” Koyama and Massu add, pumping their fists.
Their ratings that week are at an 11.8% share and after episode one, NewS gets thousands of fan letters pouring into the office about how touched the country is that their idols would be so selfless as to try and protect them. Five hundred of those letters express disappointment in Kato’s negative attitude.
Shige wants to tear out his hair.
~~~~~
4.
It isn’t until the taping of the second episode of “That’s Super NewS!!!!!!” that something exciting actually happens; of all things, the group gets called to the scene of a bank robbery in progress.
“Let’s go!” the directors shout at the group as policemen and women pour into cars and take off in the direction of the incident.
“Are you joking me?” Shige asks. “What can we possibly do to help?!”
He is summarily ignored and hustled into a waiting police van with the rest of his groupmates.
“How exciting!” Tegoshi burbles against Ryo’s side as they speed towards the scene of the crime.
“I wonder if they’ll give us guns,” Ryo muses, and Shige does not like the wicked little half-smile on the older boy’s face right now.
“Eh, do I put this on like this?” Yamapi asks, completely at peace as he clips on his Kevlar. Backwards. “Uwah, it looks cool!”
The armed law enforcement officers sitting in the van alongside them all share dubious looks.
Shige doesn’t blame them.
~~~~~
When they arrive in front of the bank five minutes later the police commissioner briefs them on the specifics of the incident; a group of six masked men with guns are all inside holding thirty two innocent bystanders hostage.
Koyama promptly gathers his groupmates (and a cameraman) into a brainstorming circle. “What do we do?” he whispers.
“Leave it to the authorities,” Shige tells him dryly.
He’s ignored.
Tegoshi is the next to make a suggestion; he smiles and raises his hand. “I’ll go talk to them, ne!”
“Um, what?” Shige asks.
But everyone is on board with Tegoshi’s idea. “This is definitely his strength, ne,” Pi agrees.
“Alright, Tegoshi!” Koyama encourages warmly, “Go use your powers on them, ne!”
“Yosh!” Tegoshi pumps his fist and ducks out of the circle.
Shige watches in horror as Tegoshi fearlessly skips into the bank’s front doors.
Alone.
~~~~~
Shige is equally-if not more-horrified when, five minutes later, Yamazaki-san peeks in on Tegoshi’s progress and then promptly throws down his binoculars in a blind panic.
“Move, move, move!!!” he orders, and Shige watches, fear-struck, as teams and teams of armed officers suddenly storm into the building like all hell has broken loose inside.
Shige's initial thought is that Tegoshi has been killed.
But then Tegoshi bounces out of the door not ten minutes later, completely unharmed. He’s even munching on a candy bar.
Following are the six bank robbers, all handcuffed and unmasked.
“What happened?” Shige demands, rushing up to Tegoshi and checking him over for any sucking chest wounds that they just might not be able to see.
Tegoshi shrugs helplessly. “When I went in, the six of them instantly pointed their guns at me, ne. It was weird. They didn’t even smile at me when I smiled at them first.”
Koyama gasps in horror. “How could they do that?”
“But then, when they tried to fire, all of their guns just jammed.”
Shige stares when he hears this. “All six of their guns jammed.”
Tegoshi sparkles guilelessly. “Yup!”
“Eh, where did you get the candy bar?” Massu asks next, because clearly that is the second most important thing of note here.
Tegoshi laughs. “Well, I was feeling hungry all of a sudden, and while their guns were jamming Yamazaki-san and all the others suddenly came in, right? Yamazaki-san had one of these in his pocket and it happened to be my favorite. Isn’t that lucky?”
Massu smiles, completely unfazed by Tegoshi’s story. “Really lucky!”
“All six of their guns jammed,” Shige reiterates, and still can’t quite get his mind around that part. “At the same time.”
“Sasuga Tegoshi!” Yamapi laughs, reaching out to ruffle the youngest member’s hair fondly before the six of them are ushered out to take publicity photos with the thirty two relieved hostages.
Shige tries not to calculate the odds of six automatic machine guns jamming at exactly the same time and just hopes that after today, everyone will realize how dangerous this stupid show really is; maybe (hopefully) it will be cancelled next week.
Except it’s not, because that week’s episode pulls off a miraculous 21% share.
~~~~~
5.
The following week they are called to a scene in which an overstressed office worker is preparing to jump from the top of his company’s building.
“Last week was some sort of fluke. We definitely can’t do anything about this,” Shige tells his groupmates worriedly. “This person is clearly mentally unstable and this is a dangerous job meant only for a fully trained negotiator.”
The rest of NewS furrows their brows thoughtfully, taking what Shige is saying into consideration.
“I see what you mean,” Yamapi murmurs.
Shige is so relieved.
Then Ryo speaks. And ruins it.
“Well if that’s the case then the answer is obvious, isn’t it?” Ryo says, and looks disappointed that like last week, this week’s episode won’t involve him learning how to shoot a gun either.
“Yosh, do your best, Koyama!” Massu and Tegoshi chirp.
Koyama nods as he is handed a loudspeaker by the police commissioner.
“Ahaha…hello up there!” Koyama begins, brightly. “My name is Koyama, ne.”
He waves.
No wave back. The hysterical man looks on the verge of throwing himself from the ledge right then and there.
Koyama senses this-years of being an MC have been good for something, apparently-and he starts to talk faster. “Um… I’m in a group called NewS! I know it seems like working every day is really hard, but we have to try our best for the sake of ourselves and our families, ne. Uhm… have you heard of a song called Weeeek?”
Shige slaps a hand to his forehead.
~~~~~
Six hours later, after Koyama’s voice has gone hoarse and the situation is resolved, the former jumper-identified as 30-year-old Ibiki-san of Sony-tells TV interviewers that he doesn’t want to kill himself anymore. Rather, he inexplicably wants to work hard and become a cool adult upon reaching age 35.
Episode three garners a 22% share.
~~~~~
6.
“As happy as I am that our song was inspiring, I don’t see why it is an excuse to give us an even more terrifying case!” Shige complains loudly the following week, as cameras flash all around him and momentarily blind him.
Yamapi frowns and shows him the picture of the little girl that had been taken away from her family not twenty minutes ago. “She needs our help, ne. Her name is Shizuku-chan and she’s seven years old.”
Shige is incredulous. “What can we possibly do?!”
“Our best!” Massu tells him automatically, and gives him an encouraging smile.
“Shige, we’re back on in two minutes,” the line director tells them, and Shige suddenly remembers he’s at a crime scene and they’re filming live.
“We should start investigating,” Yamapi starts to Ryo, Shige, and Massu. Tegoshi and Koyama are towards the back of the room, comforting the hysterical mother as the police ask her questions.
“Man, we are never going to learn how to shoot guns, are we?” Ryo sighs, and shoves his hands into his pockets as they start to move around the room, looking for clues.
“Maybe next week,” the producer tells him, and counts them down to action.
Once filming starts Yamapi very helpfully tells the audience at home what is going on and what they are doing; in the background the camera operator catches it as Massu crouches on the floor next to what seems to be the spilled contents of a microwave dinner.
Shige reacts horribly when Massu dips his finger into the sauce-sweet and sour shrimp-and licks it experimentally. The smell of tomato, sugar, and garlic are almost overpowering.
“THAT’S EVIDENCE!” Shige complains to Massu hotly. “And it’s dirty!”
Massu frowns. “I know,” he says simply, before spending a few seconds looking at the spilled food with surprising intensity.
Shige supposes that to Massu, the waste is as big a crime as the kidnapping.
But before he can say anything derisive about it, Massu stands abruptly, padding over to Tegoshi and Koyama and the missing girl’s sobbing mother. Shige helplessly follows.
“And then I…I put down Shizuku-chan’s dinner and just like that, the door was kicked in!” she sobs. “The man threw me into the wall and grabbed her… when I woke up she was gone!!!”
Koyama hugs her gently. “It’s okay, ne. We’ll definitely find her.”
Tegoshi nods. “Trust in us!”
“Of course,” the poor woman sniffles, and tries to dry her eyes.
Off to the side, Massu raises his hand. “Ano,” he says, “did Shizuku-chan get to eat anything before she was kidnapped?”
A moment of silence.
Koyama laughs nervously. “Massu, maybe you shouldn’t…”
But Tegoshi holds out a hand, stops him. “Did you find something, Massu?”
“Mmm,” the older boy looks vaguely thoughtful. “Maybe, ne.” He turns back to the distraught woman. “Did she eat anything?”
The shaken mother takes a deep breath. “I’m sure she didn’t eat anything,” she confirms, looking thoroughly confused.
“Ah, okay.” Massu flashes her a comforting smile before he leads Koyama, Shige, and Tegoshi back towards the dining table while the police detective continues to question her without them.
“What did you find, Massu?” Koyama asks, throwing a nervous look over his shoulder at the poor mother.
“Well,” Massu begins, “I know these bentos are really delicious.”
Shige has a headache. “This is wildly inappropriate.”
Massu blinks. “Eh?”
Tegoshi pats Massu’s shoulder gently, before turning to Shige. “Believe in Massu’s power, ne, Shige.”
“What power?!”
Tegoshi smiles. “Just watch. Go on, Massu!” he urges.
By then Pi and Ryo have gained some interest in the happenings by the dining table and gather around their groupmates as well. “Did you find something?” Pi asks, craning his neck to see over Koyama’s shoulder.
“Mmm, like I was saying…these bentos are really delicious, so my mom buys them for me sometimes, ne. For when I work late; that way I can just microwave them when I get home, right?”
“Mmm, I see,” Yamapi responds, looking very serious despite the wild irrelevance.
Massu points to the food all over the floor. “There are seven shrimp left. One here, and one there, and three there, and two by the kitchen.”
“I see,” Yamapi nods again, though his eyes are clearly on the verge of glazing over.
“What’s the point?” Ryo demands impatiently, and might be grumpy because right now, he can’t see anything over anyone’s shoulder. He stands on his toes and tries to get a better view.
“Well…seven shrimp are left, but I know that eight definitely come in this bento,” Massu says knowingly.
Yamapi purses his lips. “I see.”
Shige sighs. “So…”
“Ah,” Tegoshi realizes, snapping his fingers. “So if Shizuku-chan didn’t get a chance to eat anything before the kidnapper came in and one shrimp isn’t here…”
Massu nods, and Shige sometimes wonders if Tegoshi is smart or stupid for being able to decipher Massu’s meanings so easily.
“I don’t get it,” Koyama pipes up for everyone else, because Yamapi will just keep saying “I see,” if no one else asks.
“One shrimp is missing,” Massu tells him.
“Ahahaha. Oh.”
“We get that,” Ryo presses. “How does that help us?”
“Oh!” Massu points to a small sauce stain by the doorway. “I saw that coming in, ne. Well, I smelled it coming in.”
More silence.
Tegoshi clears his throat. “I think what Massu is saying is that the kidnapper stepped on one of Shizuku-chan’s shrimps and since sweet and sour sauce is super sticky, it’s probably still on the bottom of his shoe, ne.”
Shige groans. “That doesn’t help us at all!!”
Tegoshi pouts. “Sure it does! If there’s a trail we just need to follow it, ne.”
“That’s impossible. Do you know how big this city is? How many people live in it?”
Tegoshi smiles. “Just over twelve million.”
“Exactly. How are we supposed to find a kidnapper with sweet and sour sauce on the bottom of his shoe? The tracks have to be wiped out by now.”
Massu looks thoughtful. “I don’t know, that sauce is really sticky.”
“Are you joking?” Shige asks, and hopes that they are.
They aren’t.
“Massu can find it,” Tegoshi chirps, sounding very certain. “Food is his life, ne.”
A moment.
“I see,” Yamapi says again, and earns himself a smack from Ryo this time. “I mean…let’s believe in Massu! Right, Tegoshi?”
“Right, leader!”
Koyama looks touched at the sentiment even if he still seems unsure of the logic (or lack thereof) behind it. “O-okay!”
Ryo just shrugs noncommittally. “No one else has any better ideas.”
Five minutes later, as they head out of the apartment door following Massu’s nose, Shige can’t believe that this is actually the smartest group in Johnny’s.
And yet, somehow, it is.
~~~~~
Twenty minutes later Massu leads them (and the boggled police officers) to the pier; he squeezes into one of the abandoned, boarded up warehouses on the south side and comes back out five minutes later with a drenched, sniffling seven-year-old in his arms.
“Found her!” he tells everyone, smile bright as the little girl clings tightly to his sweater.
No one really knows how to respond to that.
Massu doesn’t notice their surprise, handing little Shizuku-chan over to a gaping Yamazaki-san before he climbs back through the boards with Yamapi’s help.
“Yappari,” their leader says happily, “food is Massu’s life, ne.”
~~~~~
At the press conference over the matter a few days later, Yamazaki-san scratches his head and says in a vaguely resigned sort of way, “I guess Johnny’s idols really can do everything.”
That afternoon they award NewS with heroism medals and the keys to the city.
When Shige checks the ratings for the episode later that week, he realizes they have an unprecedented 29% share.
~~~~~
7.
The week after Massu’s miracle they’re given a bit of a respite; Yamazaki-san decides that NewS is full of responsible and civil-minded young men after all and agrees to teach them the rules to basic firearms operation at the police department shooting range.
Ryo is ecstatic.
Unsurprisingly, Shige is a horrible shot; he misses the target by a huge berth and gets laughed at good-naturedly by Massu and Koyama, who both do remarkably well. Tegoshi is a natural at everything he touches without trying and unblinkingly nails the target in the face without meaning to while Pi vows not to lose to anyone and respectably shoots the target in the arm. Ryo is the most intense out of the six of them and after taking careful aim, fires one through the forehead of the target.
Yamazaki-san whistles and asks them if they’d all like to take the firearm certification exam next week. The producers answer for all of them; they say yes.
~~~~~
Episode five involves Shige taking a test he hadn’t wanted to study for but did anyway out of pure instinct and years of conditioning; he breezes through the written portion of the exam with a perfect score and later, manages-just barely-to pass the actual shooting section of the test.
“Yappari, even though Shige was horrible last week, Shige did really well today after all that practice, ne!” Tegoshi chirps, talking in a superior manner at Shige without thinking. He smiles and pats the older boy, saying, “Aren’t you glad you get to experience so many different things on our TV show?”
“No,” Shige replies sourly, but is secretly proud to have gotten the highest score out of everyone on the written test anyway.
His joy isn’t long-lived, however; a call to the station puts Yamazaki-san in a panic and he storms back to the target room saying, “We just got wind of another child-kidnapping.”
~~~~~
When they arrive on the scene there is no food to help Massu this time, and he looks disappointed in himself for not being able to help. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything like I did last time,” he apologizes, bowing to the second girl’s distraught parents.
“We don’t know that it was the same person,” Shige starts logically, eyes sweeping over the scene of the crime on instinct now. “It could be an unrelated case or a copycat.”
“I see,” Yamapi murmurs, and glances over the crime scene as well. He wonders what Shige sees; all there seems to be is sand and a playground.
They spend the entire rest of the episode snooping around the grounds but come up with nothing; there are no clues and only a handful of witnesses who can’t remember anything distinct about the abductor.
“We’re going to have to wait for more information,” Yamazaki-san tells them regretfully once it starts getting dark at the park; “Maybe someone will have watched the show and can call in with something helpful later.”
That week the episode ends on a cliffhanger that none of the members wanted.
~~~~~
8.
The next week is a bust too, and the missing girl’s parents are hysterical with distress to the point that even Koyama and Tegoshi can’t calm them down. What’s worse is that more kids start disappearing in the meantime, from all over the country.
Yamapi looks troubled and Ryo seems disappointed; even Massu’s smile disappears whenever they’re told that this time, there’s nothing they can do.
People write in to the show asking NewS to keep trying, to do their best, to solve the crime. The pressure is building on each of their shoulders and Shige thinks that this is what he was dreading most of all when they took on this project; he doesn’t like letting people down and he knows the others like it even less than he does.
A few days later Yamapi is asked to please make a statement on the matter, and in a moment of blind passion, the group leader looks directly into the cameras and says, “We’ll use every bit of our power to find Kirimi-chan and the others, ne! I promise!”
Yamapi’s determined face is enough to put the public at ease, just like that. They really believe him.
Shige however, is a mixture of distressed and relieved when he hears Yamapi talk like that, because on the one hand, saying that kind of thing on camera has just quadrupled the already significant weight on each of the members’ shoulders.
But on the other hand, Shige also knows that Yamapi isn’t in the business of making promises he can’t keep.
~~~~~
By the time filming begins for the next episode no progress has been made at all and everyone is in low spirits. Koyama sits at his desk during one of the breaks and stares down at what seems to be a worn piece of yellow notebook paper with a sad look on his face.
Shige takes a peek over the older boy’s shoulder and realizes what it is. The stupid piece of paper that started this whole mess.
“Everyone in NewS is a nice person!”- Massu
“NewS has a strong sense of justice!”- Pi
“NewS is well-behaved.”- Ryo
“NewS has no weaknesses.”- Tegoshi
“NewS is smart and can be successful in the real world.”- Shige
“NewS is full of helpful people.”- Koyama
Koyama sighs and folds it up after a moment, putting it back into his pocket.
“Have you had that this whole time?” Shige asks, and slides into the seat next to his best friend.
Koyama is only startled by Shige’s sudden approach for a moment; after he realizes who it is he smiles sheepishly and nods. “Every day, ne.”
“This whole idea was ridiculous, you know,” Shige feels the need to point out, again.
Koyama looks heartbroken. “I guess it was, ne.”
Shige nods. “I mean… super powers? Maybe the universe’s love of Tegoshi counts, but other than that… all we really have is your MCing, Massu’s obsession with food, Ryo’s calm, and Yamapi’s determination.”
Koyama smiles a little crookedly. “That’s not all we have. Shige is smart too, ne.”
Shige snorts. “That’s not a super power.”
“Sure it is. Because of Shige’s brain, lots of things have turned out good in the past, haven’t they?”
Shige looks embarrassed at the unexpected praise. “Maybe.”
He can’t say anything else about it though, because the line director signals them to take their places again, meaning that the commercial break is almost over. The members all gather in front of the camera, looking glum but resolute.
Shige thinks about what Koyama said to him all day without meaning to.
~~~~~
Shige goes home that night and can’t sleep; after tossing and turning until two am he gets up, turns on his desk light and laptop, and gets to work.
He spends the rest of the night and his entire precious day off researching the circumstances of every kidnapping or disappearance: the timing, the family situations, the witness accounts, the newspaper reports.
He works on it for twenty seven hours straight before he realizes his phone has been buzzing at the nightstand for a record of ninety eight missed calls and thirty seven text messages.
The first one on the cue is the last one he’d received chronologically; he’s too lazy to scroll all the way back so he just clicks the latest one open and reads it instead.
It’s from Tegoshi.
“Shige, Koyama is worried since you haven’t picked up all day ne! You should call him because you know how he gets when we don’t respond on our free days. He’s like a mommy! Haha, NewS is like a family that way, right? Bye-bye!”
Shige blinks when he reads that last part; something in the back of his exhausted mind clicks into place suddenly and the gears start turning like they ought to, only he’s so tired he’s not sure he understands how it’s all falling together.
He keeps working for a little while longer without knowing what his aim is, and once it starts to get into thirty straight hours of work, he gives up trying to figure it all out and just sends all of the information he gathered to his groupmates. For some reason he finds himself highlighting the word “family” in red every time it appears on any of the pages.
He falls asleep believing that the six of them will be able to figure out what it all means together.
~~~~~
Ten hours later, he wakes up to a furious pounding on his door.
“Shige!! Shige you’re a genius!!” Koyama shrieks from the other side, and when the latch finally gives, five familiar bodies collapse into Shige’s small bedroom.
“Wha?” he murmurs, and blinks up at them blearily.
He’s immediately wrapped up in a giant group hug. “Shige’s powers are amazing!” Tegoshi laughs, nuzzling against Shige’s shoulder.
“Why are you all here?” he manages between not being able to breathe and someone’s elbow digging into his ribs.
“You cracked it!” Yamapi congratulates, and holds up a file full of the documents Shige had sent them last night.
“Even though all your work looks like an insane person’s,” Ryo agrees, but sounds proud anyway.
“Uh… what did I figure out now?” Shige manages.
“Families,” the other five say in tandem, and are still hugging Shige for some reason.
He groans. “Breakfast first,” he manages grumpily. “Then explain what’s going on to me.”
The others laugh at him.
~~~~~
“Every child that was abducted,” Koyama explains to the members of the precinct, “lived with at least one parent who was not blood related to them; in some cases the children were outright adopted.”
“How are adopted and step-children related in this case?” a police officer asks, and sounds skeptical with regards to the idols’ investigative abilities.
But Yamapi speaks up next, and is completely confident in his members’ findings. “Because if someone has family who is not related by blood,” he begins, with a significant look at the other members behind him, “that also means there is a family that that person is blood related to somewhere else in the world.”
A general murmur as some of the sharper detectives being to pick up on what NewS is saying.
“In short,” Shige explains, trying to sum it all up, “if you find out who the missing children’s other parents are, I am pretty sure you will find the children too. We think the kidnappers are merely providing a service. It’s for parents whose children were adopted away from them or for parents who had sole custody of a child granted to his or her spouse after a divorce. These children are being taken forcefully by the kidnappers and returned to these desperate parents for a price. That explains why we found Shizuku-chan at the wharf; her mother has confirmed that her father lives in Okinawa. She was probably going to be shipped there the night following her abduction.”
“It can’t be that easy,” another detective chimes in.
“It won’t be,” Shige tells him firmly. “Odds that these people have fled the country with the children in the time it took us to piece the case together are high. Chances are we won’t find a lot of these kids without great effort.”
“But,” Yamapi adds, stepping in again, “we’ll definitely get the job done, ne.”
He smiles winningly at the gathered law enforcement officials, and manages to win most of them over. When Tegoshi, Massu, Koyama, Ryo, and Shige join him, it’s a force no one in the precinct can willingly go up against.
~~~~~
Months later, NewS is exhausted but has managed to live up to its word; the children are returned after a lot of international investigations and the cooperation of various other world governments.
Shige feels a strange sense of pride in having been able to help with that, as tiring and frustrating as it had been. He reads about it in the newspapers and tells himself that even though it all turned out well, he’s just glad everything is finally over and done with.
“See?” Koyama says to him one day, when they aren’t taping their show anymore but thankfully, thankfully, just learning the new choreography for their upcoming Around Asia Tour. “I told you we could be superheroes, Shige!”
Shige automatically rolls his eyes. “We’re not superheroes,” he insists.
Koyama laughs. “Maybe not. But we’re always NewS, right?”
“Well, yeah.”
Yamapi pokes his head between them next, flashing them both a dual thumbs up. “And that’s close enough, ne!”
Shige finds himself chuckling helplessly at his leader’s enthusiasm. “Maybe. But if you ask me, I’m just glad that the show is over. I never want to do that kind of thing again.”
Which is Ryo’s cue to walk into the room holding a stack of official looking papers. He glances over at Shige and smiles like he knows something the rest of them don’t.
“Oi,” he says, cackling evilly, “We’ve been renewed for another season.”
END
ONCE AGAIN, WRITTEN IN A RUSH OF RANDOMNESS. EDITS PLZ.