Gar!
So I'm ranting on here because Spooner uses my FB.
Since Faith had her cast put on she's not been sleeping properly, for 2 reasons i think, 1. she's used to sleeping on her side and can't because her legs have been cast open so i can wipe her bits, and 2. because she hasn't taken a proper poo since friday morning (poor bugger). so she's annoyed and backed up and keeps waking up in the night, and twice since we got back saturday i've ended up having her in the bed with us just so i can get some semblance of sleep, me with pillows proped up under me so i'm kinda sitting up because she cries when i lay her down.
so i say to Spooner this morning at 9 when she wakes up and i've once again had less than 6 hours sleep "can you get up with her?" i get the reply "yeah thats fine". 5 minutes later Spooner's still in bed just laying there and i'm starting to get annoyed coz he's got the job centre at half 11 so i can't even lie in for ages and ages, i'll have to get up to look after her before he leaves. so i say get up now and he takes his time til i'm really annoyed, then rolls over and takes her from me and has her on his chest.
Not what i meant by "getting up with her".
"i was just gonna lie here" is what he says. HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO SLEEP WHEN I'VE GOT FAITH BLOWING RASPBERRIES AND MAKING NOISES AND SPOONER TALKING TO HER AND LAUGHING?! so i ended up getting up anyway coz Spooner's so fucking incompetant and retarded and fucking RAWR!!
I'm tired, i'm angry, i'm fed up, but he doesn't act like he gives a shit. we had a massive arguement the other day in which i cried like i've never cried before and nearly got out the car at some traffic lights in eastwood (all the while thinking about flinging the car door open whilst travelling at 50mph and just jumping out) and when we got home we had a 2 hour talk about how we were both feeling. i said i didn't feel like he tried hard enough in anything, whether its Faith, getting a job or helping make food for himself (if he can't microwave it or put it in the toaster he'll starve which makes me feel guilty as he's already skin and bones and so i cook him something, but thats another arguement). he said he felt like i was always having a go at him for stupid things. so i said i'd try and cool my temper if he tried more with life.
well, being a douche bag doesn't help me stop shouting at you!
i never used to be an angry person, i never had an angry bone in my body until i started going out with Spooner, he just riles me up so much i want to hurt him, and i never want to hurt people! i want this to work because if i break up with Spooner everything falls apart and i'd be a homeless single parent and i don't want Faith to grow up with that, but i don't want her to grow up in a family where her mum and dad are always arguing and her dads got a "why try when i'll fail" attitude. argh!
all i do is complain about this boy. why did i have to have his child? i love my daughter to peices but i can't do this anymore; i feel like i've lost who i used to be and now i'm just this nasty, empty shell that hates life.
/Self pitying rant.
Since Faith had her cast put on she's not been sleeping properly, for 2 reasons i think, 1. she's used to sleeping on her side and can't because her legs have been cast open so i can wipe her bits, and 2. because she hasn't taken a proper poo since friday morning (poor bugger). so she's annoyed and backed up and keeps waking up in the night, and twice since we got back saturday i've ended up having her in the bed with us just so i can get some semblance of sleep, me with pillows proped up under me so i'm kinda sitting up because she cries when i lay her down.
so i say to Spooner this morning at 9 when she wakes up and i've once again had less than 6 hours sleep "can you get up with her?" i get the reply "yeah thats fine". 5 minutes later Spooner's still in bed just laying there and i'm starting to get annoyed coz he's got the job centre at half 11 so i can't even lie in for ages and ages, i'll have to get up to look after her before he leaves. so i say get up now and he takes his time til i'm really annoyed, then rolls over and takes her from me and has her on his chest.
Not what i meant by "getting up with her".
"i was just gonna lie here" is what he says. HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO SLEEP WHEN I'VE GOT FAITH BLOWING RASPBERRIES AND MAKING NOISES AND SPOONER TALKING TO HER AND LAUGHING?! so i ended up getting up anyway coz Spooner's so fucking incompetant and retarded and fucking RAWR!!
I'm tired, i'm angry, i'm fed up, but he doesn't act like he gives a shit. we had a massive arguement the other day in which i cried like i've never cried before and nearly got out the car at some traffic lights in eastwood (all the while thinking about flinging the car door open whilst travelling at 50mph and just jumping out) and when we got home we had a 2 hour talk about how we were both feeling. i said i didn't feel like he tried hard enough in anything, whether its Faith, getting a job or helping make food for himself (if he can't microwave it or put it in the toaster he'll starve which makes me feel guilty as he's already skin and bones and so i cook him something, but thats another arguement). he said he felt like i was always having a go at him for stupid things. so i said i'd try and cool my temper if he tried more with life.
well, being a douche bag doesn't help me stop shouting at you!
i never used to be an angry person, i never had an angry bone in my body until i started going out with Spooner, he just riles me up so much i want to hurt him, and i never want to hurt people! i want this to work because if i break up with Spooner everything falls apart and i'd be a homeless single parent and i don't want Faith to grow up with that, but i don't want her to grow up in a family where her mum and dad are always arguing and her dads got a "why try when i'll fail" attitude. argh!
all i do is complain about this boy. why did i have to have his child? i love my daughter to peices but i can't do this anymore; i feel like i've lost who i used to be and now i'm just this nasty, empty shell that hates life.
/Self pitying rant.