what happened?
I'm really tired, so I am going to update, because being tired or angry at my Microsuck mouse seems to bring out the best in me...
I have known some pretty impeccable people in my life, honestly. There are some people in this world who never seem to have to try very hard. Things just either go right, aren't hard, or great things just fall into their lap. I envy those people. I can't image what it must be like to wake up, go to work, be happy there, get a great job done with almost no effort, and then go home and have smash-bang amazing sex with someone who totally loves you, rinse, repeat. I know people who have this life.
I also know people who's luck is incredible. The right things just happen for them, right on time, right in the nick of time, right when they want them to. Need a job? Well, their friend (who you just met three days ago) works in an office where a guy just quit and they need a new person. Oh, and the job is exactly what they have always wanted to do, by the way. Yeah, and it pays 3 times more than they have ever made before. Oh, and they don't work on Friday.
And what about those people that are just GOOD. Good at IT. Whatever it is, they are good at it. I know people who can belt out guitar like it's their job. Biking? I know competitors that are amazing. BMX? I work with a guy who's one of the best in the nation. Amazing writers. Great chefs. Analytical minds.
So where am I getting at with this? I am the middle one. I don't have it bad, could have it worse, but I don't have it great, either. I am not really that good at anything, but I can get by. I am not rich, I am not totally broke (though I am damn near it). I don't have good luck, nor is it tremendously terrible, though I am pretty sure I am hexed by the COTA bus.
I grew up in the shadow of my older brother. He was/is one of the GOOD ones. He could sing. He could dance. He was brilliant. He could paint, draw, carve, build, etc. So when the second son came (me), I honestly don't know what my parents wanted from me. They had me to keep him company, admittedly, a companion. It makes sense, really, but I think I was/am more of a let-down. About the only thing I seemed to be good at was being played jokes on, or being-cute-at-being-mad, or not being friends with.
My older brother was kind of a golden child, and nothing I did could ever measure up to him. Eventually I became forgotten, in a way. He is my parent's favorite. No, this is not some teenage fantasy. Honestly, they spend more time talking to him, helping him out, supporting him, than they ever have with me. I guess that is what has made me so distant from them as the years pass, but since I don't really have much to offer (no skills, not married, don't attend church/cult/Xenos, no kids), I don't have much to talk to them about. Here's a sample conversation:
Them: Hey. How was work?
Me: Same as usual. Not much change there, really.
Them: Hmm. Well, we are going to church with Aaron and the kids tonight.
Me: Okay. I'll see you when you get back.
Them: This weekend we are taking the kids to the moon. Aren't they awesome?
Me: Yeah, they're great... If they aren't screaming, which they do about 90% of the time.
Them: So, are you going to work tomorrow?
Me: Yeah, gotta make what little money I can.
Them: Oh, yeah, we need that money you owe us so we can buy new dirt for the back yard.
Me: Okay, I won't eat this week.
Them: Ok... *silence*... Aaron is cooking some burgers this weekend for the church.
By the way, y'all, I don't dig on things that used to have beating hearts.
So there it is. It's kinda like an unsaid "Why can't you be more like Aaron" situation going on. Has for years.
I played by myself, usually. I read books a lot, and I learned a lot about really strange things. I knew what the letters in scuba and laser represented by the time I was 8. Still, that didn't make me smart. It just made me precocious and bizarre, a fact which only added to the ammunition of my enemies. Eventually I gave up trying to be good, so I just did my own thing.
By the time that highschool rolled around, I was very good at being like no one at all. I pretty much gave up trying to fit in, so I just made up whatever I wanted to be and explored it. I'm still doing it, too, but it hasn't exactly helped me very much. I think a lot of people have this strange impression of me being this crazy wacked out guy who doesn't really do very much except be... himself. Which isn't saying much.
GODDAMN IT! I just want someone to be proud of me. It would be nice if someone could just say "Yeah, I know that dude. Damn, you should see X that he does. It's incredible."
People ask me "Why do you get so worked up about videogames?" And I have to say "It's the one thing in my life that I can choose to win if I want to."
So now I am rambling. I can't see the screen very well right now, so I think I am going to hobble off to bed. By the way, the above few sentences about videogames is probably the funniest thing I have ever said.
I have known some pretty impeccable people in my life, honestly. There are some people in this world who never seem to have to try very hard. Things just either go right, aren't hard, or great things just fall into their lap. I envy those people. I can't image what it must be like to wake up, go to work, be happy there, get a great job done with almost no effort, and then go home and have smash-bang amazing sex with someone who totally loves you, rinse, repeat. I know people who have this life.
I also know people who's luck is incredible. The right things just happen for them, right on time, right in the nick of time, right when they want them to. Need a job? Well, their friend (who you just met three days ago) works in an office where a guy just quit and they need a new person. Oh, and the job is exactly what they have always wanted to do, by the way. Yeah, and it pays 3 times more than they have ever made before. Oh, and they don't work on Friday.
And what about those people that are just GOOD. Good at IT. Whatever it is, they are good at it. I know people who can belt out guitar like it's their job. Biking? I know competitors that are amazing. BMX? I work with a guy who's one of the best in the nation. Amazing writers. Great chefs. Analytical minds.
So where am I getting at with this? I am the middle one. I don't have it bad, could have it worse, but I don't have it great, either. I am not really that good at anything, but I can get by. I am not rich, I am not totally broke (though I am damn near it). I don't have good luck, nor is it tremendously terrible, though I am pretty sure I am hexed by the COTA bus.
I grew up in the shadow of my older brother. He was/is one of the GOOD ones. He could sing. He could dance. He was brilliant. He could paint, draw, carve, build, etc. So when the second son came (me), I honestly don't know what my parents wanted from me. They had me to keep him company, admittedly, a companion. It makes sense, really, but I think I was/am more of a let-down. About the only thing I seemed to be good at was being played jokes on, or being-cute-at-being-mad, or not being friends with.
My older brother was kind of a golden child, and nothing I did could ever measure up to him. Eventually I became forgotten, in a way. He is my parent's favorite. No, this is not some teenage fantasy. Honestly, they spend more time talking to him, helping him out, supporting him, than they ever have with me. I guess that is what has made me so distant from them as the years pass, but since I don't really have much to offer (no skills, not married, don't attend church/cult/Xenos, no kids), I don't have much to talk to them about. Here's a sample conversation:
Them: Hey. How was work?
Me: Same as usual. Not much change there, really.
Them: Hmm. Well, we are going to church with Aaron and the kids tonight.
Me: Okay. I'll see you when you get back.
Them: This weekend we are taking the kids to the moon. Aren't they awesome?
Me: Yeah, they're great... If they aren't screaming, which they do about 90% of the time.
Them: So, are you going to work tomorrow?
Me: Yeah, gotta make what little money I can.
Them: Oh, yeah, we need that money you owe us so we can buy new dirt for the back yard.
Me: Okay, I won't eat this week.
Them: Ok... *silence*... Aaron is cooking some burgers this weekend for the church.
By the way, y'all, I don't dig on things that used to have beating hearts.
So there it is. It's kinda like an unsaid "Why can't you be more like Aaron" situation going on. Has for years.
I played by myself, usually. I read books a lot, and I learned a lot about really strange things. I knew what the letters in scuba and laser represented by the time I was 8. Still, that didn't make me smart. It just made me precocious and bizarre, a fact which only added to the ammunition of my enemies. Eventually I gave up trying to be good, so I just did my own thing.
By the time that highschool rolled around, I was very good at being like no one at all. I pretty much gave up trying to fit in, so I just made up whatever I wanted to be and explored it. I'm still doing it, too, but it hasn't exactly helped me very much. I think a lot of people have this strange impression of me being this crazy wacked out guy who doesn't really do very much except be... himself. Which isn't saying much.
GODDAMN IT! I just want someone to be proud of me. It would be nice if someone could just say "Yeah, I know that dude. Damn, you should see X that he does. It's incredible."
People ask me "Why do you get so worked up about videogames?" And I have to say "It's the one thing in my life that I can choose to win if I want to."
So now I am rambling. I can't see the screen very well right now, so I think I am going to hobble off to bed. By the way, the above few sentences about videogames is probably the funniest thing I have ever said.