Journal Entry 7/31/09
Journal Entry -- 7/31/09
Apathy -- is that what I'm feeling? The physical is a breeze and while I appreciate it, it seems to be the one thing I can own and see the value of, and I don't know if that's me or what's happening to me or if any of it is anything I can control anymore. My daydreams are far more ideal than the life I live day to day and I seriously am doubting if there's anything I can do about that anymore. Is it too late? Seriously, at 22 years old is it too fucking late to escape this as my fate? I have to believe there's more, but do I have to find the more here before I can find the more there? What happened to embarking on journeys with God as my guide or God at my side? (I can't believe I've been spelling journeys wrong this whole time, I seriously thought it was i-e-s). God, let me serve You and let me be me, is that possible? Can I do both? I need to know, I need to know there's something more than this. Talent, passion, drive, imagination, there's no way it can go to waste, and sitting around and depositing other people's money and folding trendy clothes isn't going to be my ticket out of here. But I need it to keep me off the streets. This is such a catch-22, and I'm realizing that apathy is nowhere near what I'm feeling, because to be apathetic, I would need to at least UNDERSTAND something.
Apathy -- is that what I'm feeling? The physical is a breeze and while I appreciate it, it seems to be the one thing I can own and see the value of, and I don't know if that's me or what's happening to me or if any of it is anything I can control anymore. My daydreams are far more ideal than the life I live day to day and I seriously am doubting if there's anything I can do about that anymore. Is it too late? Seriously, at 22 years old is it too fucking late to escape this as my fate? I have to believe there's more, but do I have to find the more here before I can find the more there? What happened to embarking on journeys with God as my guide or God at my side? (I can't believe I've been spelling journeys wrong this whole time, I seriously thought it was i-e-s). God, let me serve You and let me be me, is that possible? Can I do both? I need to know, I need to know there's something more than this. Talent, passion, drive, imagination, there's no way it can go to waste, and sitting around and depositing other people's money and folding trendy clothes isn't going to be my ticket out of here. But I need it to keep me off the streets. This is such a catch-22, and I'm realizing that apathy is nowhere near what I'm feeling, because to be apathetic, I would need to at least UNDERSTAND something.