Aug 08, 2004 20:00
-->Will someone please tell me who I am....searching still*Changed my hair once, changed my hair twice...now I look like I fit in to my family, not so much of the "norm" in clarkston but atleast i look like my parents didn't fucking adopt me*-->I've got just about everything planned that is plannable except schooling registration and volleyball plans*My heart says go, my brain says don't go if you're just looking for love(whiether it be friendship,guys,we)because you have it hear, and my gut says..think more on it*What should i listen to?*I've got 7months..maybe things will change*!*At this point, the thought of not getting to know, seeing this someone scares me...even though it could be just for this moment*and the thought of leaving my best friend, the gurl who is almost like my sister scares me*There are 3 people besides the family that I couldn't forget...what the hell will I do, there is no replacing them*but off this confusing subject...I missed the chance to see this guy....the guy I've been telling you about the past few weeks*Missed the chance because of fear..fear of getting hurt*
He's got a gurlfriend, what am i kidding myself?*..and all of you say the reason I'm still thinking about him is because of the fact that I can't get him, so i can't get hurt....and maybe that is a small part of the puzzle but i believe its more than that*Yes..I am scared, but I don't put my guard up around this guy...I don't put up that intelligent*serious*part that everyone sees*I've let him see the real me, the me that only a few people have really seen*Which scares me because I have NEVER done that before...its not something I mean to do but it tends to happen with guys, ask any of my friends*-->When I met him, it never crossed my mind,falling for him, I was just the crazy,blonde that only the people I love see...(Family,Pambids,Warren..oh yea and Nubbs!)*The one night that we did hang out was probably the highlight of my summer-->Its all in the eyes...the ability to trust, to care, is in their eyes*I used to pretend that I saw that in Tyler's eyes and that is probably why everytime i trusted him i was hurt*Diana says when you see that person for who they really are, past everything, through their eyes..you'll feel it*I'm not playing myself anymore..his eyes, made me melt*and that feeling I've just dwelled on lately, so I guess thats another reason I'm still not over him*-->How he made me feel, Tyler made me feel nervous, butterflies and all, but he...he just, its a different feeling*Only meeting twice, talking online, I still....can't help but fall**I'm sorry world, I'm sorry girl, I'm sorry somone for caring*I can't help myself