wings
When she slides into the booth opposite me, she doesn't greet me with her customary "it's been some time."
There's no need to, because she's been especially close to me since November 2021-her presence a thumbprint in that soft hiss of skepticism weaving through my stream of consciousness. She's been my gut instinct, sending out smoky whispers of warning and disbelief to my head about him, while my heart does its... pesky somersault-y heart things.
"Japanese tonight?" Chloe mutters, her gaze roving around the decor of the restaurant before landing on my face. She narrows her eyes. "Don't tell me you're feeling... sentimental," she adds, the last word murmured so low and sibilant that it might as well be a purr.
Half of my meals with him were Japanese. That sounds like a lot, doesn't it? But I've only gone out with him for six evenings.
My upper lip curls in derision at that thought. I snatch my wooden chopsticks from the table, tear away the paper wrapping and yank the chopsticks apart. "Hardly," I say, my jaw tight and teeth clenched as I toss them down on the table. They fall with a clatter.
She reaches across to place the chopsticks neatly on my napkin. "You need the closure. And that's why we're here."
I hum under my breath. "Perhaps." I cross my legs under the table. Uncross them, before crossing them again, squeezing my thighs together a little bit harder than necessary.
She sighs, a soft, sad sound rich with feeling. She puts her hands on the table; her right palm resting on top of her left hand. Her pale hands are tiny, almost child-like, in fact-
-because they're your hands.
I regard her with an even look. Tonight, her glossy, straight hair is even longer than mine; cascading down her chest and waist, the tips of the strands brushing her hips. Her earrings are sparkly and silver, just like mine. Her eyes-the exact dark-brown shade like mine-meet my gaze head-on. She's dressed in one of my favourite T-shirts-a bejewelled emerald-green Slytherin shirt that's snug around the chest, and she's paired it with fitting black jeans and Converse sneakers.
Casual, yet with a hint of sex appeal.
That was the vibe I was going for on the third date.
"You expected this when you dipped your toes into online dating late last September," she points out in a matter-of-fact tone.
I release a breath that I didn't know I was holding, letting it out so slowly, so deliberately that it sounds like a hissing tyre, until my stomach clenches from the tension of it all. "Yeah, I know," I reply in resignation. Despite everything that happened with this fucker, I'm glad that I started the labyrinthine process of online dating in 2021-putting myself out there, meeting and charming new people, and most importantly, trying.
I look down at my hot mug of green tea and wrap my palms around it, my resentment and indignation fading like the steam dissolving into the air.
At least I learnt that my heart-which has been held together by cobwebs-is still alive after a deep freeze of seven years.
He's the first guy that I actually grew to like, after eight fucking years of my numb heart flat-lining.
Too bad he turned out to be a nightmare dressed like a daydream, to quote Taylor Swift. Really easy on the eyes, but a pity that the inside's gone bad.
We texted for two months and went out six times. It's not a lot of emotion, effort and time invested into him, by any measure, but it's still longer and more significant than your average interaction sparked from a connection on a dating app.
These dying embers of my feelings for him will certainly fade away soon enough-perhaps in a few days. I'm not surprised at all at this turn of events and his cowardly actions at the end, but that doesn't erase my disappointment. However, relief is the main emotion of the day, perhaps even amusement, so this tells you quite a bit about the amount of bullshit that I had to deal with and come to terms with, when it came to him.
And it lasted only for two short months, my God.
He will never give me a meaningful, genuine long-term relationship, which is precisely what I'm looking for. Thank the heavens for my razor-sharp instincts, powers of observation, healthy dose of skepticism and unwavering sense of self-preservation, because if I didn't have these gifts at my arsenal, my emotions would probably be shredded to tatters right now.
I'm not gonna delve too much into this here because I've already devoted too much time dissecting the aftermath and writing about it in my journal. For a fleeting moment, I thought he could be the one to draw stars around my scars-those scars that I gave myself in 2014 so that no one could ever hurt me like that again.
Guess not.
Time for a reflection of sorts, so that I don't make the same mistakes again:
1) Slow down on the flirting, especially the sexual tone of things. No, I didn't fuck him even though he was desperate for it. I didn't give him that satisfaction in the end, because he fucking didn't deserve it.
2) Always listen to Chloe, for she is smart, brilliant and your creative contemplation. She always has your best interests at heart, and her analytical, logical, rational, predictive and skeptical nature will keep you on your toes and on your guard when it comes to men and their capricious games.
She will save you, be it in this world or the other.
A wave of gratitude wells up within me. "Thank you," I murmur, sliding my hands from the mug and inching my fingertips closer to her. "For everything."
I look away and swallow the lump in my throat.
She reaches out towards me, her palm wrapping around my wrist and squeezing.
What?
We both stare at our joined hands, our eyes wide and mouth falling open in surprise at the same time.
Her touch isn't as freezing as it used to be.
Either I'm getting colder, or she's warming up.
We touch my mug of tea, which was steaming hot just mere minutes ago, before I held it in my grasp.
It's cool to the touch now.
I glance at her chest, and I imagine the gaping hole right in the centre, where her heart used to be. I remember how I used to shiver whenever I was close to her, I remember how touching her felt like dousing my nerves in ice-cold water, I remember how-
My name issues from her lips, floating on a bewildered whisper. "You can't be this cold, this... jaded yet."
The thread of my pulse under my wrist is tenuous, the thud of my heartbeat weakening and growing unsteady. With a shaky breath, I lick my dry lips and look at her, my eyes vacant and my smile wintry.
"Too late for that, I reckon."
I've met three different guys through those apps.
I wonder how many more men I'll have to go through before my heart stops beating entirely again.
I'm meeting someone new this Saturday.
"oh, my God, look at that face"-
He actually replies my texts on time, takes the initiative to text me often, ask me questions, makes me laugh, engages me in amazing conversations and is really into me (for now).
you look like my next mistake-
***
A lot of things saved my mental health in 2021. Not that it needed a lot of rescuing-I didn't fall into some deep, dark depression, but the whole resurgence of men barging unceremoniously into my life sent some unsettled ripples of... disturbance into my life. Along with my parents pissing me the fuck off sometimes in June and July, so yeah, there were occasions last year when I felt pretty fucked up.
I'm grateful for the following:
1) Friends, colleagues & parents: Friends like Letch, Cherpz, JX, Ian, Bernice & Amanda who were literally there (listening to me, giving me advice and alcohol) for me every step of the way when I was ranting about this little bitch for the past two months.
I didn't rant to my colleagues about the shambles of my love life, but they always make moments at work so unforgettable and lively with their memes, commiserating texts and funny quips and they're just such great fun to be around. I've attended a few training courses with them (albeit online trainings), and I honestly don't really care about what I'm learning as long as I'm spending time and having fun with them.
2) My eternal love for Harry/Draco! I wrote a fic in June for my usual participation in HD Fanfair 2021, all 35K words of it. The words didn't flow as smoothly and as sweetly as I would've liked to at some parts, but I'm glad that I perservered and plodded on to fix it and finish it. I'm rather proud of this particular piece because it was something out of the ordinary with a pretty fun and unique premise.
3) BTS <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Whenever I'm feeling down or troubled about things, all I have to do is listen to their music and watch their videos, and it just lifts up my mood and lights up my day all at once. I forget about all the dark clouds gathering in my life and I just throw myself fully into their laughter, smiles and songs. I've loved them since 2019, and stanning them is really, truly one of the best decisions of my life. I love them, and I will always and forever support and love them.
4) Self-care: I actually invested quite some time and a bit of money into skincare (but not make-up though, never make-up) and haircare (the magic of hair masks in making my already long and fabulous hair even more fucking fabulous!). I also got a new, sparkly, sunshine-yellow acoustic guitar in September. Working out is pretty much a habit that I've cultivated (although yes, I do have slack days when I let my sloth out), but I've finally developed a good routine at the gym, and I've improved so that I always run at least 5km every time I get on the treadmill.
Continue to carry these good habits into 2022! <3
***
"Things are going pretty well at your job, yeah?" she asks, digging her spoon into her dessert.
I wrinkle my nose at her black sesame ice-cream and take a bite of my hazelnut chocolate ice-cream. "Yeah, it really is," I say, flashing a gooey grin at the mention of my job.
I joined my current organisation in January 2020, right before the never-ending waves of Covid-19 lockdowns and restrictions hit our shores. Even though I've spent the past two years working from home with minimal face-time with my colleagues, I'm grateful that I'm learning new things, getting involved in interesting projects and bonding with them all the same.
ONLINE EVENTS
1) Online talks: This is one of my first projects that I'm (still) leading, and our repertoire of programme titles is growing! Last year, we reached out to 33 organisations and ~10,000 students. Because of Covid-19, we can't conduct face-to-face programmes, so it looks really good on my appraisal that it's this particular project that's bringing in the numbers.
2) Storytelling programme for 2021 school holidays: This was my first ever storytelling programme that I conducted, and I spiced things up by playing the guitar and getting the kids to sing along with me, haha :D
3) Big event that happened in October 2021 that involved live-streaming, teleprompters and technical things like that. That was also one of the major projects that my team was leading, and it was a brilliant chance to see some of my colleagues in real life after what felt like an eternity of Skype meetings. I learnt a lot too, because this particular event was new to me.
DEVELOPING EDUCATIONAL MATERIALS
4) Programme booklets: Revamped our old programme booklets and added learning objectives to each programme (something that I'm particularly proud of). The booklets look so pretty, and it summarises our workshops really well. This was one of my first projects, and I'm really glad with the end-product.
5) Panels: The students can't visit us now because of Covid restrictions, so we gotta bring our location to them. Six huge panels filled to the brim with easy-to-digest information, complete with child-friendly and vibrant designs. I think the schools are gonna love it.
6) Video production & filming: I'm officially approved by Comms to be a host for corporate videos, haha! This is one of the bigger projects that I'm helming right now, and I'm also learning a lot.
7) We're renovating a particular place at my work location, and I'll be involved in some new and exciting developments. It's another worthy learning opportunity, so I'm looking forward to this too.
TRAINING
8) My colleagues are rather enthusiastic about learning new things too, so we signed up for training in these fields: forest school, workshop facilitation and engaging people with special needs.
"Yeah, it's shaping up to be a fruitful year at work," I say, polishing off my ice-cream and licking my lips. I place the spoon and empty cup on the bench and hug my knees to my chest, my gaze drawn to the panoramic city view of sparkling night lights against the backdrop of velvet dark sky.
My bosses were pretty pleased with my contributions too-praising me with words like "detail-oriented", "capable" and "happy with how your projects have been going", so some days, that does keep me going.
She hums under her breath, her eyes downcast and trained on the river in front of us. The lights of the skyscrapers and bridges reflect on the water surface, reminding me of underwater diamonds and hidden depths.
"Could have been better, though," she remarks lightly, skewering me with a look.
I stretch my legs out, my feet hitting the ground and my toes curling in my sneakers. I lean back and link my fingers behind my head, sighing at the familiar sense of disappointment and disbelief thudding at the pit of my belly. "Yeah, I know."
I could've done more, accomplished so much more with this entire year of working from home. All of that free time... and I spent 665.5 hours=28 days=1 month slacking.
Literally an entire fucking month gone to waste.
Yes, I keep track of that too.
Throughout 2021, I kept telling myself, this is how you'll beat procrastination:
1) Consistency (e.g., frequent gym sessions)
2) Planning your tasks for the day (which you do), and actually sticking to your plans
3) Using youtube only during well-deserved breaks
4) Use your planner more-to keep track of things, encourage and motivate yourself
5) 1 hour time-baskets (e.g., the bracket of time right after work until dinner) ARE NOT USELESS
6) Progress is not a straight line!
7) Just start and do, don't think
8) Appreciate those 7.30am mornings when your body clock wakes you up naturally
Guess I'll have to rewrite these same few mantras in my 2022 journal, too.
"Just keep yourself busy this year too. Don't think you'll have any more capacity for self-inflicted excuses," she mutters, arching a brow and edging a glance at me.
I nod, pressing my lips together in a grim line of determination. It's already late January.
Eleven more months to make a difference, and trust me, these eleven months will fly right by if I let it.
Goals for 2022 (in no particular order):
1) Read more
2) Write more, and perhaps even finish your fucking novel, c'mon, you're left with just a few chapters, for fuck's sake!
3) Keep up the gym habit
4) Pack room (preferably done in early 2022)
5) Practise guitar more
I look at the horizon again, tilting my head at the faint glimmer of the Rainbow Bridge in the far distance.
"Have they..." I trail off, my gaze pinned to the colours of the Bridge that stretch all the way up to the heavens.
She shakes her head. "No. They'll wait for you. When you're ready." She shrugs. "Besides, they keep me company here, while you're off gallivanting in your world."
"Will I see them tonight?"
She smiles, something soft and secretive. "You have your answer," she whispers, turning her head to the left. I crane my neck to follow her gaze, and a bright, delighted bubble of laughter wells up within me. I raise my arms in a hug.
There're two rabbits-a black one and a white one with brown spots-bounding towards us.
***
Could 2021 have been better?
Yes.
But it's not so bad, all things considering.
2022 will be better.
I'm gonna make damn fucking sure of that.
There's no need to, because she's been especially close to me since November 2021-her presence a thumbprint in that soft hiss of skepticism weaving through my stream of consciousness. She's been my gut instinct, sending out smoky whispers of warning and disbelief to my head about him, while my heart does its... pesky somersault-y heart things.
"Japanese tonight?" Chloe mutters, her gaze roving around the decor of the restaurant before landing on my face. She narrows her eyes. "Don't tell me you're feeling... sentimental," she adds, the last word murmured so low and sibilant that it might as well be a purr.
Half of my meals with him were Japanese. That sounds like a lot, doesn't it? But I've only gone out with him for six evenings.
My upper lip curls in derision at that thought. I snatch my wooden chopsticks from the table, tear away the paper wrapping and yank the chopsticks apart. "Hardly," I say, my jaw tight and teeth clenched as I toss them down on the table. They fall with a clatter.
She reaches across to place the chopsticks neatly on my napkin. "You need the closure. And that's why we're here."
I hum under my breath. "Perhaps." I cross my legs under the table. Uncross them, before crossing them again, squeezing my thighs together a little bit harder than necessary.
She sighs, a soft, sad sound rich with feeling. She puts her hands on the table; her right palm resting on top of her left hand. Her pale hands are tiny, almost child-like, in fact-
-because they're your hands.
I regard her with an even look. Tonight, her glossy, straight hair is even longer than mine; cascading down her chest and waist, the tips of the strands brushing her hips. Her earrings are sparkly and silver, just like mine. Her eyes-the exact dark-brown shade like mine-meet my gaze head-on. She's dressed in one of my favourite T-shirts-a bejewelled emerald-green Slytherin shirt that's snug around the chest, and she's paired it with fitting black jeans and Converse sneakers.
Casual, yet with a hint of sex appeal.
That was the vibe I was going for on the third date.
"You expected this when you dipped your toes into online dating late last September," she points out in a matter-of-fact tone.
I release a breath that I didn't know I was holding, letting it out so slowly, so deliberately that it sounds like a hissing tyre, until my stomach clenches from the tension of it all. "Yeah, I know," I reply in resignation. Despite everything that happened with this fucker, I'm glad that I started the labyrinthine process of online dating in 2021-putting myself out there, meeting and charming new people, and most importantly, trying.
I look down at my hot mug of green tea and wrap my palms around it, my resentment and indignation fading like the steam dissolving into the air.
At least I learnt that my heart-which has been held together by cobwebs-is still alive after a deep freeze of seven years.
He's the first guy that I actually grew to like, after eight fucking years of my numb heart flat-lining.
Too bad he turned out to be a nightmare dressed like a daydream, to quote Taylor Swift. Really easy on the eyes, but a pity that the inside's gone bad.
We texted for two months and went out six times. It's not a lot of emotion, effort and time invested into him, by any measure, but it's still longer and more significant than your average interaction sparked from a connection on a dating app.
These dying embers of my feelings for him will certainly fade away soon enough-perhaps in a few days. I'm not surprised at all at this turn of events and his cowardly actions at the end, but that doesn't erase my disappointment. However, relief is the main emotion of the day, perhaps even amusement, so this tells you quite a bit about the amount of bullshit that I had to deal with and come to terms with, when it came to him.
And it lasted only for two short months, my God.
He will never give me a meaningful, genuine long-term relationship, which is precisely what I'm looking for. Thank the heavens for my razor-sharp instincts, powers of observation, healthy dose of skepticism and unwavering sense of self-preservation, because if I didn't have these gifts at my arsenal, my emotions would probably be shredded to tatters right now.
I'm not gonna delve too much into this here because I've already devoted too much time dissecting the aftermath and writing about it in my journal. For a fleeting moment, I thought he could be the one to draw stars around my scars-those scars that I gave myself in 2014 so that no one could ever hurt me like that again.
Guess not.
Time for a reflection of sorts, so that I don't make the same mistakes again:
1) Slow down on the flirting, especially the sexual tone of things. No, I didn't fuck him even though he was desperate for it. I didn't give him that satisfaction in the end, because he fucking didn't deserve it.
2) Always listen to Chloe, for she is smart, brilliant and your creative contemplation. She always has your best interests at heart, and her analytical, logical, rational, predictive and skeptical nature will keep you on your toes and on your guard when it comes to men and their capricious games.
She will save you, be it in this world or the other.
A wave of gratitude wells up within me. "Thank you," I murmur, sliding my hands from the mug and inching my fingertips closer to her. "For everything."
I look away and swallow the lump in my throat.
She reaches out towards me, her palm wrapping around my wrist and squeezing.
What?
We both stare at our joined hands, our eyes wide and mouth falling open in surprise at the same time.
Her touch isn't as freezing as it used to be.
Either I'm getting colder, or she's warming up.
We touch my mug of tea, which was steaming hot just mere minutes ago, before I held it in my grasp.
It's cool to the touch now.
I glance at her chest, and I imagine the gaping hole right in the centre, where her heart used to be. I remember how I used to shiver whenever I was close to her, I remember how touching her felt like dousing my nerves in ice-cold water, I remember how-
My name issues from her lips, floating on a bewildered whisper. "You can't be this cold, this... jaded yet."
The thread of my pulse under my wrist is tenuous, the thud of my heartbeat weakening and growing unsteady. With a shaky breath, I lick my dry lips and look at her, my eyes vacant and my smile wintry.
"Too late for that, I reckon."
I've met three different guys through those apps.
I wonder how many more men I'll have to go through before my heart stops beating entirely again.
I'm meeting someone new this Saturday.
"oh, my God, look at that face"-
He actually replies my texts on time, takes the initiative to text me often, ask me questions, makes me laugh, engages me in amazing conversations and is really into me (for now).
you look like my next mistake-
***
A lot of things saved my mental health in 2021. Not that it needed a lot of rescuing-I didn't fall into some deep, dark depression, but the whole resurgence of men barging unceremoniously into my life sent some unsettled ripples of... disturbance into my life. Along with my parents pissing me the fuck off sometimes in June and July, so yeah, there were occasions last year when I felt pretty fucked up.
I'm grateful for the following:
1) Friends, colleagues & parents: Friends like Letch, Cherpz, JX, Ian, Bernice & Amanda who were literally there (listening to me, giving me advice and alcohol) for me every step of the way when I was ranting about this little bitch for the past two months.
I didn't rant to my colleagues about the shambles of my love life, but they always make moments at work so unforgettable and lively with their memes, commiserating texts and funny quips and they're just such great fun to be around. I've attended a few training courses with them (albeit online trainings), and I honestly don't really care about what I'm learning as long as I'm spending time and having fun with them.
2) My eternal love for Harry/Draco! I wrote a fic in June for my usual participation in HD Fanfair 2021, all 35K words of it. The words didn't flow as smoothly and as sweetly as I would've liked to at some parts, but I'm glad that I perservered and plodded on to fix it and finish it. I'm rather proud of this particular piece because it was something out of the ordinary with a pretty fun and unique premise.
3) BTS <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Whenever I'm feeling down or troubled about things, all I have to do is listen to their music and watch their videos, and it just lifts up my mood and lights up my day all at once. I forget about all the dark clouds gathering in my life and I just throw myself fully into their laughter, smiles and songs. I've loved them since 2019, and stanning them is really, truly one of the best decisions of my life. I love them, and I will always and forever support and love them.
4) Self-care: I actually invested quite some time and a bit of money into skincare (but not make-up though, never make-up) and haircare (the magic of hair masks in making my already long and fabulous hair even more fucking fabulous!). I also got a new, sparkly, sunshine-yellow acoustic guitar in September. Working out is pretty much a habit that I've cultivated (although yes, I do have slack days when I let my sloth out), but I've finally developed a good routine at the gym, and I've improved so that I always run at least 5km every time I get on the treadmill.
Continue to carry these good habits into 2022! <3
***
"Things are going pretty well at your job, yeah?" she asks, digging her spoon into her dessert.
I wrinkle my nose at her black sesame ice-cream and take a bite of my hazelnut chocolate ice-cream. "Yeah, it really is," I say, flashing a gooey grin at the mention of my job.
I joined my current organisation in January 2020, right before the never-ending waves of Covid-19 lockdowns and restrictions hit our shores. Even though I've spent the past two years working from home with minimal face-time with my colleagues, I'm grateful that I'm learning new things, getting involved in interesting projects and bonding with them all the same.
ONLINE EVENTS
1) Online talks: This is one of my first projects that I'm (still) leading, and our repertoire of programme titles is growing! Last year, we reached out to 33 organisations and ~10,000 students. Because of Covid-19, we can't conduct face-to-face programmes, so it looks really good on my appraisal that it's this particular project that's bringing in the numbers.
2) Storytelling programme for 2021 school holidays: This was my first ever storytelling programme that I conducted, and I spiced things up by playing the guitar and getting the kids to sing along with me, haha :D
3) Big event that happened in October 2021 that involved live-streaming, teleprompters and technical things like that. That was also one of the major projects that my team was leading, and it was a brilliant chance to see some of my colleagues in real life after what felt like an eternity of Skype meetings. I learnt a lot too, because this particular event was new to me.
DEVELOPING EDUCATIONAL MATERIALS
4) Programme booklets: Revamped our old programme booklets and added learning objectives to each programme (something that I'm particularly proud of). The booklets look so pretty, and it summarises our workshops really well. This was one of my first projects, and I'm really glad with the end-product.
5) Panels: The students can't visit us now because of Covid restrictions, so we gotta bring our location to them. Six huge panels filled to the brim with easy-to-digest information, complete with child-friendly and vibrant designs. I think the schools are gonna love it.
6) Video production & filming: I'm officially approved by Comms to be a host for corporate videos, haha! This is one of the bigger projects that I'm helming right now, and I'm also learning a lot.
7) We're renovating a particular place at my work location, and I'll be involved in some new and exciting developments. It's another worthy learning opportunity, so I'm looking forward to this too.
TRAINING
8) My colleagues are rather enthusiastic about learning new things too, so we signed up for training in these fields: forest school, workshop facilitation and engaging people with special needs.
"Yeah, it's shaping up to be a fruitful year at work," I say, polishing off my ice-cream and licking my lips. I place the spoon and empty cup on the bench and hug my knees to my chest, my gaze drawn to the panoramic city view of sparkling night lights against the backdrop of velvet dark sky.
My bosses were pretty pleased with my contributions too-praising me with words like "detail-oriented", "capable" and "happy with how your projects have been going", so some days, that does keep me going.
She hums under her breath, her eyes downcast and trained on the river in front of us. The lights of the skyscrapers and bridges reflect on the water surface, reminding me of underwater diamonds and hidden depths.
"Could have been better, though," she remarks lightly, skewering me with a look.
I stretch my legs out, my feet hitting the ground and my toes curling in my sneakers. I lean back and link my fingers behind my head, sighing at the familiar sense of disappointment and disbelief thudding at the pit of my belly. "Yeah, I know."
I could've done more, accomplished so much more with this entire year of working from home. All of that free time... and I spent 665.5 hours=28 days=1 month slacking.
Literally an entire fucking month gone to waste.
Yes, I keep track of that too.
Throughout 2021, I kept telling myself, this is how you'll beat procrastination:
1) Consistency (e.g., frequent gym sessions)
2) Planning your tasks for the day (which you do), and actually sticking to your plans
3) Using youtube only during well-deserved breaks
4) Use your planner more-to keep track of things, encourage and motivate yourself
5) 1 hour time-baskets (e.g., the bracket of time right after work until dinner) ARE NOT USELESS
6) Progress is not a straight line!
7) Just start and do, don't think
8) Appreciate those 7.30am mornings when your body clock wakes you up naturally
Guess I'll have to rewrite these same few mantras in my 2022 journal, too.
"Just keep yourself busy this year too. Don't think you'll have any more capacity for self-inflicted excuses," she mutters, arching a brow and edging a glance at me.
I nod, pressing my lips together in a grim line of determination. It's already late January.
Eleven more months to make a difference, and trust me, these eleven months will fly right by if I let it.
Goals for 2022 (in no particular order):
1) Read more
2) Write more, and perhaps even finish your fucking novel, c'mon, you're left with just a few chapters, for fuck's sake!
3) Keep up the gym habit
4) Pack room (preferably done in early 2022)
5) Practise guitar more
I look at the horizon again, tilting my head at the faint glimmer of the Rainbow Bridge in the far distance.
"Have they..." I trail off, my gaze pinned to the colours of the Bridge that stretch all the way up to the heavens.
She shakes her head. "No. They'll wait for you. When you're ready." She shrugs. "Besides, they keep me company here, while you're off gallivanting in your world."
"Will I see them tonight?"
She smiles, something soft and secretive. "You have your answer," she whispers, turning her head to the left. I crane my neck to follow her gaze, and a bright, delighted bubble of laughter wells up within me. I raise my arms in a hug.
There're two rabbits-a black one and a white one with brown spots-bounding towards us.
***
Could 2021 have been better?
Yes.
But it's not so bad, all things considering.
2022 will be better.
I'm gonna make damn fucking sure of that.