Fic: All of My Maps Have Been Overthrown (K/S 4/5)
Title: All Of My Maps Have Been Overthrown
Rating: R, eventually NC-17
Summary: Written in response to this prompt at st_xi_kink_meme. Jim can bring one person back from death. He chooses Amanda.
Author Notes: Thanks for all of the feedback, guys! I don't have time right now to respond individusally, but I really, really appreciate it!> While this is K/S, it's not an established relationship. I'll post the entire fic by midnight tonight! The title is from Wilco's You Are My Face. Merry Christmas, everybody!
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
“Captain Kirk!”
The words stopped him in his tracks, and he turned to see Amanda hurrying towards him. It had been seven days since her return, and he was already becoming accustomed to her presence. He knew that she’d have to leave soon, but a part of him didn’t want her to go. He liked when their paths crossed. He enjoyed watching the interaction between her and Spock. Recently, he learned that while Spock was on duty, Amanda occupied her time by visiting sickbay and spending time with the patients there. McCoy had informed him of this, and Jim had half-expected the information to be followed by a complaint about strangers invading his area, but he didn’t have a single negative word about her. Nobody did.
“Ms. Grayson. How are you doing today?”
She caught up with him and gently hit his arm. “You know better than that.”
Jim smiled. “Excuse me. How are you doing today, Amanda?”
“Very well, thank you. And yourself?”
“Pretty good.”
“I was hoping to talk to you but not if I’m keeping you from anything.”
Jim shook his head. “I was just on the way to the mess to get some lunch.” He offered his arm. “Care to join me?”
“Thank you.” She took his arm and smiled, but Jim could tell that it was a little bit forced.
“What’s on your mind?”
“Was I dead?”
“What…why…what do you mean?”
“I apologize. Living on Vulcan for so long taught me to be very…blunt. Vulcans have a difficult time with indirect communication.”
“So I’ve noticed. But…why…I mean…why would you ask something like that?”
Amanda didn’t answer immediately, but she did slow her pace. Nobody else was in the corridor, and Jim hoped their luck held out. He didn’t want to be interrupted in the middle of this conversation.
“At first, I wasn’t sure, but I suspected that something might be off. Especially since I was quite sure that Spock was lying to me.”
“You were? How did you know?”
She smiled wryly. “Because I’m his mother, Jim. You’ll understand if you ever kids. But it wasn’t just that. Spock has been very…expressive. Uncommonly so. He told me that he never believed he would see me again. And of course, it doesn’t make any sense for me to be in treatment so far away from my husband. Had I been in a coma, I’m quite certain that Sarek would have kept me on New Vulcan. Plus, everybody keeps giving me these funny looks.”
“I…well, I guess I should have realized you would figure it out sooner or later. When Spock beamed down to Vulcan to rescue you and Sarek, there was an accident. I’m not sure exactly what happened, but you were not beamed on board.”
“How were you able to bring me back?”
“A wish. I don’t understand how it works, and I probably never will. But I had the opportunity to bring somebody back.”
Amanda stopped and turned to face him. Her eyes were shining with unshed tears, and for the first time, Jim understood why Spock’s eyes were so expressive. His Vulcan heritage might have been the reason they were so dark, but his mother was the reason Jim could see right through him. But that went both ways, and Jim felt like his very soul was under her scrutiny.
“You picked me. How do you thank a person for something like that?”
Jim shook his head. “You don’t have to. I did it for…”
“Spock.” The corners of her eyes crinkled with a small smile. “Is there anything that you wouldn’t do for my son, Captain Kirk?”
He could have lied, but she would have known. He didn’t know how or why, but she would have known. If he had met her before the destruction of Vulcan, he was quite confident he would have made the same decision to bring her back. In fact, he would have made it sooner. But he hadn’t known her, and she was completely right about his motivations.
“No, there’s not.”
“Does he know that?”
“No, he doesn’t.”
Jim braced himself for the inevitable follow-up question, but it didn’t come. “He’s lucky to have a friend like you, Jim. Somebody who cares so much for him.”
“It’s no less than what he deserves.”
They began walking again, and Jim realized that Amanda knew. Was he so obvious? Did the entire ship know the secret he had been struggling so hard to keep? Perhaps they hadn’t known before he brought Amanda on board. Perhaps that decision had confirmed what had only been suspicions before. Or perhaps he worried too much over nothing. It wasn’t as though he was ashamed of his feelings for Spock.
“My husband will be arriving this evening.”
“Yes, I’ve been in contact with his shuttle. It’s been a long wait.”
“For him. It only feels like a week has passed since I’ve last seen him.”
“He’ll probably drag you off to your quarters as soon as possible.” As soon as he said the words, Jim felt like a cad. “I’m sorry. That was…very inappropriate.”
Amanda laughed lightly. “No offense was taken. Besides, you’re not wrong.”
“You mean, Vulcans…do that?”
“In their way. Vulcans enjoy intimacy the same way we do, Jim. They just express it in different ways.”
“What sort of ways? If I’m not prying too much.”
“They don’t receive as much…satisfaction from purely physical expression. They require a great deal of mental stimulation as well. When Sarek was courting me, he insisted on playing chess. He arranged to meet me every single night for a month so we could play. I really didn’t understand. I thought we were just friends. One night I canceled our plans so I could go out with another young man. Sarek actually forbade me from going on my date. It seems that Vulcans do not tolerate competition.”
“Wait…Sarak tried to woo you by playing chess every night for a month?”
“Yes.” Her eyes gleamed. “I think that might have been the Vulcan equivalent of first base.”
“He’s not going to want to play chess with you tonight, is he?”
Amanda laughed again. “No. Once we were bonded, we found other ways to mentally stimulate each other.”
“Bonded?”
“Vulcans share a telepathic bond with their spouses. The bond is formed as part of the ceremony. Sarek told me that as soon as I woke, he felt me again.”
“Can you feel him?”
“No. But I’m not telepathic. I’ll require physical contact to reform the bond.”
“Sometimes I feel like there are so many things about Vulcans I don’t understand. Well, I guess to be honest, I don’t really understand anything about Vulcans. Spock is a puzzle.”
“No, Spock is easy to understand. And I think you might know that better than anybody.”
Jim snorted. “No, I really don’t.”
“You should have a little bit more faith in yourself. And in him.”
Jim didn’t know what that meant, but he didn’t have the chance to ask her. The object of their conversation chose that moment to walk around the corner. His face was the same impassive mask as always, and like always, Jim longed to know what was going on behind those dark eyes. He wished he could just ask. Just walk up to him and say, “Hey, Spock, what’s on your mind?”
“Mother, I have been searching for you.”
“What is it, Spock?”
“Uhura has received another transmission for you from Sarek. It is marked urgent. I had it forwarded to your room.”
“Thank you, Spock.” She stepped away from Jim with a smile in her eyes. “I’ve enjoyed our conversation, Captain.”
“I have as well.”
Jim expected Spock to follow his mother, but he only nodded at her as she passed by. “What were you two talking about?”
“Private matters. But…she sort of figured out that she hasn’t been in a coma for the past three years.”
“I expected she would. I offered what I thought was plausible story, but there must have been incongruous elements.”
“No, there weren’t any holes in your story. She’s just really smart. Like her son.”
Spock didn’t pause to acknowledge the compliment. He rarely did. “Sarek’s shuttle will be docking at fifteen hundred hours. Will you be meeting the boarding party?”
“Will it offend your father if I don’t?”
“I believe, given the purpose of his visit, that he will not notice your absence.”
“I have a meeting with Scotty and the rest of the engineering crew at the same time. I could reschedule it, though.”
“That isn’t necessary. But I do not recall seeing a meeting with Lieutenant Scott on your schedule.”
Of course he didn’t. Because he was the person who gave the final approval of Jim’s schedule, and Jim had just made up that meeting. “It’s a last minute thing.”
“I see, Captain.”
“Spock…do you want to play chess tonight? We haven’t really had a chance in the past week and I’m getting rusty.”
“I do not know what you mean by getting rusty, but I think a game of chess tonight would be agreeable.”
“Good. My quarters at eighteen hundred hours?”
“I’m looking forward to it, Captain.”
“Me, too. I’m going to get a bite to eat. Would you…?”
“I do not require nourishment at this time. I was on my way back to the bridge.”
It only occurred to him after he had parted ways with Spock that he had asked his first mate on a date. And his first mate had accepted. But maybe he was reading too much into it? After all, they played chess on a regular basis. Just because Sarek had courted Amanda this way didn’t mean he had been dating Spock for over a year. Right?
#
Spock’s abdomen hurt, though there was nothing physically wrong with him, and his heart seemed to be beating too quickly. He felt it thundering under his skin in a most unpleasant way. Meditation might have soothed the pain, but he did not have the time to retire to his quarters and meditate. Despite his Vulcan physiology, he was still capable of experiencing what his mother had called nerves. As near as Spock could tell, nerves was just an umbrella term for excitement, anxiety, hope, and fear, all mixed together into a ridiculous, annoying conglomeration.
He buzzed Jim’s intercom at precisely eighteen hundred hours. He had busied himself in his own quarters with personal and medical leave requests until the much anticipated hour arrived. When Sarek’s shuttled had docked, Spock had been there to meet him, but he had been distracted. Fortunately, Sarek had been less interested in his son than the miraculous vision of his wife. Spock’s presence had not been needed for long, and he had been allowed to escape and busy himself with his various duties. Spock had not been offended by Sarek’s single-mindedness. Neither Spock nor Amanda had spoken of it, but they both recognized that Sarek must have been in terrible pain. It had been a full seven days since he first sensed Amanda, but their bond had been stunted and unable to function properly. The first priority was to repair that connection.
While they saw to that, Spock knew he needed to deal with his own private matters. Jim’s suggestion of a game of chess had been welcomed with a flood of pure relief-it provided the opening Spock needed. Jim already had the chess board set up when Spock arrived, and he was sitting at the desk, studying it raptly.
“I think it’s only fair to warn you, Spock. I don’t intend to lose tonight.”
“I was not aware that you had any other mindset.”
Jim glanced up with a grin. “How are your parents?”
“They are well. Sarek wishes me to extend his gratitude. He hopes to speak with you tomorrow.”
“I’m happy to talk to him whenever he can tear himself away from Amanda.” Jim gestured at the chair. “Have a seat. You make me nervous when you hover.”
“My apologies, Captain.” Spock settled in the chair directly across from Jim. “I did not mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“I didn’t mean anything by it. White or black?”
“Black.”
Jim nodded and took his move. “Will they be staying on the ship for long?”
“Sarek has responsibilities he must return to on New Vulcan.”
“So they’re leaving soon, huh?”
“Yes.”
“Are you going to request leave?”
Spock looked up from the board. “No, Captain. Why would I do that?”
Jim shrugged. “I just thought you would want to spend more time with Amanda.”
“I am very grateful for the liberties you allowed me to take in the past seven days, but I have no intention of returning to New Vulcan with them. My place is on the Enterprise. That hasn’t changed.”
“To be honest, that’s a relief. I’m not sure what the ship would do without you.”
“Thank you.”
“I’m serious.”
“I believe you.” Spock made his decision, but hesitated for several beats before finally making his move. “Captain, were you aware of the ancient Vulcan tradition of fal-tor-pan?”
“No, I’ve never heard of it.”
“It is a ritual to restore the katra with the physical body. To bring the dead back to life.”
“Wait...Vulcans can resurrect the dead?”
Spock shook his head. “It is not a ritual that has been attempted in thousands of years. But Vulcans believe every living being as a katra. It is similar to the human conception of the soul, but it also encompasses the entirety of a being’s experiences and wisdom. Archaeologists have discovered small boxes that served as katra arks for the ancient, war-like Vulcans. The concept of the katra is one of the few beliefs that have survived antiquity and is still widespread today.”
“So what you are telling me is that I had no reason to worry about your emotional response to Amanda’s sudden appearance?”
“No. Despite the belief in the katra and the knowledge of the fal-tor-pan, there has been only one case in recorded history when the ritual has worked. And even that is extremely suspect among scholars. It is widely discredited among the scientific community, though it has a special significance to mystics.”
Jim tilted his head, and Spock could tell by the way his eyes narrowed that he was interested in the story. “Why?”
“There are no credible eye-witness accounts of the event. But the story is well-known. Would you like me to continue?”
“Please.”
Spock knew the story well, but he still hesitated before beginning. As far as he knew, no other off-worlder had ever heard the sacred legend. Many Vulcans were not even aware of it. Their lives were devoted to science, reason, and logic. But the House of Surak had, paradoxically, kept those traditions alive, handing them down from generation to generation. Sarek had felt it necessary for Spock’s education to be balanced with the ancient knowledge. It was not dissimilar to the Terrans who continued to study and even observe the practices of their own ancient religions. Spock had developed a special fascination with Vulcan mysticism and had continued investigating to satisfy his own curiosity long after his mandated education had ceased. Somewhere along the way, his academic curiosity evolved into a deeper conviction. Now the mystery, the practices, the beliefs that reached back beyond time held a deep significance for him.
“S’Jenes was a warrior from the city of ShiKahr. He was the city’s champion and the most feared person throughout the region. His reputation was fierce, and he does exist as a historical figure. It is known that he fought in seventeen battles over twenty years, until his death at the age of thirty-seven. The city mourned for seven days and seven nights. During that time, there was no work done and the entire army laid down its arms and took a vow of peace. But on the third day, his friend Stoss stole the body.”
“Even I know that’s not very good manners,” Jim said.
“The city elders would have agreed with you. They immediately called for the arrest and execution of Stoss.”
“Execution?”
“The act of stealing the body desecrated it.”
“And that was an offense punishable by death?”
“When the body in question is as widely love and celebrated as S’Jenes.”
“But Stoss hadn’t intended any disrespect, right?”
Spock inclined his head. “Correct. He claimed he had been entrusted with S’Jenes’s katra, and it was his sacred duty to perform the fal-tor-pan. He swore a blood oath, and so he absconded with the body and set off to the L-langon Mountains. Unfortunately, his loyalty and love for S’Jenes could not overcome basic biological facts.”
Jim’s lips quirked. “Is that you’re way of saying the body began to rot?”
“Indeed. It is, at minimum, a ten day journey on foot to the L-langon Mountains. Why he chose that particular location was never clear. Perhaps that was the only place he would have the safety and privacy necessary for the ritual. He met a priestess there, Serranstivlen, who had previously agreed to perform the ritual, though it could very well lead to her execution as well. But when he arrived, she refused.”
“Yeah, I can’t imagine anybody would want to be responsible for bringing a rotting body back to life.”
“But Stoss refused to break his oath to his friend. He drove a senepa through his chest.”
“I’m assuming that’s a knife?”
“Yes, with a poison tip. Serranstivlen performed the ritual as his blood ran out, passing the katra from the ark and to Stoss. She bandaged the body, and when he woke, it was S’Jenes, not Stoss.”
“That’s…quite the story, Spock. Kind of a downer, though.”
“A downer, Captain?”
Jim shrugged. “It’s depressing. Tragic. It doesn’t make you feel good.”
“It is not supposed to make you feel anything.”
“Okay, what is it supposed to do?”
“It is meant to be instructional. Like the parables earth children are told to teach them proper behavior.”
Both had lost interest in the chess game, and Jim pushed the board aside so it no longer obstructed the view between them. “What is the lesson supposed to be?”
“Stoss was S’Jenes’s t’hy’la. As his t’hy’la, he made the only decision he could when he took his own life. If the roles had been reversed, S’Jenes would have done the same thing. Stoss was prepared and willing to sacrifice anything for his t’hy’la. As a result, it is less important as an example of the fal-tor-pan, and more important as a story of devotion, sacrifice, and…” Spock fished around until he found the only word that was close enough to the right meaning. “:ove.”
“What was the word you used before?”
Spock swallowed. “T’hy’la.”
“What does it mean?”
“Brother, friend, and lover. That is the easiest way to translate it into English. It is a very close relationship that does not have any other equivalent on Vulcan. It could mean spouse, but not necessarily. Often, the warriors who forged that bond had wives and families but it was…set apart from marriage. It encompassed a different set of rules and expectations. For example, the mental link could only be broken by death. And it can only be forged once. It was also highly respected and despite strict adultery laws of the ancient civilizations, the t’hy’la relationship always had a special exception.”
“So, Stoss wouldn’t have found himself another t’hy’la?”
“Correct.”
“Spock…why are you telling me all of this?”
It was a fair question. The question he had been expecting. And he was confident in his answer, but he wasn’t as confident about Jim’s response. After all, Terrans had no concept of t’hy’la. He believed that their marital relationships were similar to it, but those bonds were broken so easily. How could a Terran, even one as intelligent and perceptive as James Kirk, ever grasp the implications of the bond? Or the depth of the communion possible between them?
“As S’Jenes’s t’hy’la, Stoss had a special bond, a mental link, with him. According to the texts, this bond is formed out of immense sacrifice. Perhaps Stoss saved S’Jenes’s life at great risk to his own during a battle. Or perhaps S’Jenes refused to leave an injured Stoss to be destroyed by the enemy combatants. The actual moment of bonding is particularly intimate and personal to each person.” Spock met his captain’s inquisitive gaze, and this time, he did not set his face in an impassive mask. “Jim, I believe you are my t’hy’la.”
Rating: R, eventually NC-17
Summary: Written in response to this prompt at st_xi_kink_meme. Jim can bring one person back from death. He chooses Amanda.
Author Notes: Thanks for all of the feedback, guys! I don't have time right now to respond individusally, but I really, really appreciate it!> While this is K/S, it's not an established relationship. I'll post the entire fic by midnight tonight! The title is from Wilco's You Are My Face. Merry Christmas, everybody!
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
“Captain Kirk!”
The words stopped him in his tracks, and he turned to see Amanda hurrying towards him. It had been seven days since her return, and he was already becoming accustomed to her presence. He knew that she’d have to leave soon, but a part of him didn’t want her to go. He liked when their paths crossed. He enjoyed watching the interaction between her and Spock. Recently, he learned that while Spock was on duty, Amanda occupied her time by visiting sickbay and spending time with the patients there. McCoy had informed him of this, and Jim had half-expected the information to be followed by a complaint about strangers invading his area, but he didn’t have a single negative word about her. Nobody did.
“Ms. Grayson. How are you doing today?”
She caught up with him and gently hit his arm. “You know better than that.”
Jim smiled. “Excuse me. How are you doing today, Amanda?”
“Very well, thank you. And yourself?”
“Pretty good.”
“I was hoping to talk to you but not if I’m keeping you from anything.”
Jim shook his head. “I was just on the way to the mess to get some lunch.” He offered his arm. “Care to join me?”
“Thank you.” She took his arm and smiled, but Jim could tell that it was a little bit forced.
“What’s on your mind?”
“Was I dead?”
“What…why…what do you mean?”
“I apologize. Living on Vulcan for so long taught me to be very…blunt. Vulcans have a difficult time with indirect communication.”
“So I’ve noticed. But…why…I mean…why would you ask something like that?”
Amanda didn’t answer immediately, but she did slow her pace. Nobody else was in the corridor, and Jim hoped their luck held out. He didn’t want to be interrupted in the middle of this conversation.
“At first, I wasn’t sure, but I suspected that something might be off. Especially since I was quite sure that Spock was lying to me.”
“You were? How did you know?”
She smiled wryly. “Because I’m his mother, Jim. You’ll understand if you ever kids. But it wasn’t just that. Spock has been very…expressive. Uncommonly so. He told me that he never believed he would see me again. And of course, it doesn’t make any sense for me to be in treatment so far away from my husband. Had I been in a coma, I’m quite certain that Sarek would have kept me on New Vulcan. Plus, everybody keeps giving me these funny looks.”
“I…well, I guess I should have realized you would figure it out sooner or later. When Spock beamed down to Vulcan to rescue you and Sarek, there was an accident. I’m not sure exactly what happened, but you were not beamed on board.”
“How were you able to bring me back?”
“A wish. I don’t understand how it works, and I probably never will. But I had the opportunity to bring somebody back.”
Amanda stopped and turned to face him. Her eyes were shining with unshed tears, and for the first time, Jim understood why Spock’s eyes were so expressive. His Vulcan heritage might have been the reason they were so dark, but his mother was the reason Jim could see right through him. But that went both ways, and Jim felt like his very soul was under her scrutiny.
“You picked me. How do you thank a person for something like that?”
Jim shook his head. “You don’t have to. I did it for…”
“Spock.” The corners of her eyes crinkled with a small smile. “Is there anything that you wouldn’t do for my son, Captain Kirk?”
He could have lied, but she would have known. He didn’t know how or why, but she would have known. If he had met her before the destruction of Vulcan, he was quite confident he would have made the same decision to bring her back. In fact, he would have made it sooner. But he hadn’t known her, and she was completely right about his motivations.
“No, there’s not.”
“Does he know that?”
“No, he doesn’t.”
Jim braced himself for the inevitable follow-up question, but it didn’t come. “He’s lucky to have a friend like you, Jim. Somebody who cares so much for him.”
“It’s no less than what he deserves.”
They began walking again, and Jim realized that Amanda knew. Was he so obvious? Did the entire ship know the secret he had been struggling so hard to keep? Perhaps they hadn’t known before he brought Amanda on board. Perhaps that decision had confirmed what had only been suspicions before. Or perhaps he worried too much over nothing. It wasn’t as though he was ashamed of his feelings for Spock.
“My husband will be arriving this evening.”
“Yes, I’ve been in contact with his shuttle. It’s been a long wait.”
“For him. It only feels like a week has passed since I’ve last seen him.”
“He’ll probably drag you off to your quarters as soon as possible.” As soon as he said the words, Jim felt like a cad. “I’m sorry. That was…very inappropriate.”
Amanda laughed lightly. “No offense was taken. Besides, you’re not wrong.”
“You mean, Vulcans…do that?”
“In their way. Vulcans enjoy intimacy the same way we do, Jim. They just express it in different ways.”
“What sort of ways? If I’m not prying too much.”
“They don’t receive as much…satisfaction from purely physical expression. They require a great deal of mental stimulation as well. When Sarek was courting me, he insisted on playing chess. He arranged to meet me every single night for a month so we could play. I really didn’t understand. I thought we were just friends. One night I canceled our plans so I could go out with another young man. Sarek actually forbade me from going on my date. It seems that Vulcans do not tolerate competition.”
“Wait…Sarak tried to woo you by playing chess every night for a month?”
“Yes.” Her eyes gleamed. “I think that might have been the Vulcan equivalent of first base.”
“He’s not going to want to play chess with you tonight, is he?”
Amanda laughed again. “No. Once we were bonded, we found other ways to mentally stimulate each other.”
“Bonded?”
“Vulcans share a telepathic bond with their spouses. The bond is formed as part of the ceremony. Sarek told me that as soon as I woke, he felt me again.”
“Can you feel him?”
“No. But I’m not telepathic. I’ll require physical contact to reform the bond.”
“Sometimes I feel like there are so many things about Vulcans I don’t understand. Well, I guess to be honest, I don’t really understand anything about Vulcans. Spock is a puzzle.”
“No, Spock is easy to understand. And I think you might know that better than anybody.”
Jim snorted. “No, I really don’t.”
“You should have a little bit more faith in yourself. And in him.”
Jim didn’t know what that meant, but he didn’t have the chance to ask her. The object of their conversation chose that moment to walk around the corner. His face was the same impassive mask as always, and like always, Jim longed to know what was going on behind those dark eyes. He wished he could just ask. Just walk up to him and say, “Hey, Spock, what’s on your mind?”
“Mother, I have been searching for you.”
“What is it, Spock?”
“Uhura has received another transmission for you from Sarek. It is marked urgent. I had it forwarded to your room.”
“Thank you, Spock.” She stepped away from Jim with a smile in her eyes. “I’ve enjoyed our conversation, Captain.”
“I have as well.”
Jim expected Spock to follow his mother, but he only nodded at her as she passed by. “What were you two talking about?”
“Private matters. But…she sort of figured out that she hasn’t been in a coma for the past three years.”
“I expected she would. I offered what I thought was plausible story, but there must have been incongruous elements.”
“No, there weren’t any holes in your story. She’s just really smart. Like her son.”
Spock didn’t pause to acknowledge the compliment. He rarely did. “Sarek’s shuttle will be docking at fifteen hundred hours. Will you be meeting the boarding party?”
“Will it offend your father if I don’t?”
“I believe, given the purpose of his visit, that he will not notice your absence.”
“I have a meeting with Scotty and the rest of the engineering crew at the same time. I could reschedule it, though.”
“That isn’t necessary. But I do not recall seeing a meeting with Lieutenant Scott on your schedule.”
Of course he didn’t. Because he was the person who gave the final approval of Jim’s schedule, and Jim had just made up that meeting. “It’s a last minute thing.”
“I see, Captain.”
“Spock…do you want to play chess tonight? We haven’t really had a chance in the past week and I’m getting rusty.”
“I do not know what you mean by getting rusty, but I think a game of chess tonight would be agreeable.”
“Good. My quarters at eighteen hundred hours?”
“I’m looking forward to it, Captain.”
“Me, too. I’m going to get a bite to eat. Would you…?”
“I do not require nourishment at this time. I was on my way back to the bridge.”
It only occurred to him after he had parted ways with Spock that he had asked his first mate on a date. And his first mate had accepted. But maybe he was reading too much into it? After all, they played chess on a regular basis. Just because Sarek had courted Amanda this way didn’t mean he had been dating Spock for over a year. Right?
#
Spock’s abdomen hurt, though there was nothing physically wrong with him, and his heart seemed to be beating too quickly. He felt it thundering under his skin in a most unpleasant way. Meditation might have soothed the pain, but he did not have the time to retire to his quarters and meditate. Despite his Vulcan physiology, he was still capable of experiencing what his mother had called nerves. As near as Spock could tell, nerves was just an umbrella term for excitement, anxiety, hope, and fear, all mixed together into a ridiculous, annoying conglomeration.
He buzzed Jim’s intercom at precisely eighteen hundred hours. He had busied himself in his own quarters with personal and medical leave requests until the much anticipated hour arrived. When Sarek’s shuttled had docked, Spock had been there to meet him, but he had been distracted. Fortunately, Sarek had been less interested in his son than the miraculous vision of his wife. Spock’s presence had not been needed for long, and he had been allowed to escape and busy himself with his various duties. Spock had not been offended by Sarek’s single-mindedness. Neither Spock nor Amanda had spoken of it, but they both recognized that Sarek must have been in terrible pain. It had been a full seven days since he first sensed Amanda, but their bond had been stunted and unable to function properly. The first priority was to repair that connection.
While they saw to that, Spock knew he needed to deal with his own private matters. Jim’s suggestion of a game of chess had been welcomed with a flood of pure relief-it provided the opening Spock needed. Jim already had the chess board set up when Spock arrived, and he was sitting at the desk, studying it raptly.
“I think it’s only fair to warn you, Spock. I don’t intend to lose tonight.”
“I was not aware that you had any other mindset.”
Jim glanced up with a grin. “How are your parents?”
“They are well. Sarek wishes me to extend his gratitude. He hopes to speak with you tomorrow.”
“I’m happy to talk to him whenever he can tear himself away from Amanda.” Jim gestured at the chair. “Have a seat. You make me nervous when you hover.”
“My apologies, Captain.” Spock settled in the chair directly across from Jim. “I did not mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“I didn’t mean anything by it. White or black?”
“Black.”
Jim nodded and took his move. “Will they be staying on the ship for long?”
“Sarek has responsibilities he must return to on New Vulcan.”
“So they’re leaving soon, huh?”
“Yes.”
“Are you going to request leave?”
Spock looked up from the board. “No, Captain. Why would I do that?”
Jim shrugged. “I just thought you would want to spend more time with Amanda.”
“I am very grateful for the liberties you allowed me to take in the past seven days, but I have no intention of returning to New Vulcan with them. My place is on the Enterprise. That hasn’t changed.”
“To be honest, that’s a relief. I’m not sure what the ship would do without you.”
“Thank you.”
“I’m serious.”
“I believe you.” Spock made his decision, but hesitated for several beats before finally making his move. “Captain, were you aware of the ancient Vulcan tradition of fal-tor-pan?”
“No, I’ve never heard of it.”
“It is a ritual to restore the katra with the physical body. To bring the dead back to life.”
“Wait...Vulcans can resurrect the dead?”
Spock shook his head. “It is not a ritual that has been attempted in thousands of years. But Vulcans believe every living being as a katra. It is similar to the human conception of the soul, but it also encompasses the entirety of a being’s experiences and wisdom. Archaeologists have discovered small boxes that served as katra arks for the ancient, war-like Vulcans. The concept of the katra is one of the few beliefs that have survived antiquity and is still widespread today.”
“So what you are telling me is that I had no reason to worry about your emotional response to Amanda’s sudden appearance?”
“No. Despite the belief in the katra and the knowledge of the fal-tor-pan, there has been only one case in recorded history when the ritual has worked. And even that is extremely suspect among scholars. It is widely discredited among the scientific community, though it has a special significance to mystics.”
Jim tilted his head, and Spock could tell by the way his eyes narrowed that he was interested in the story. “Why?”
“There are no credible eye-witness accounts of the event. But the story is well-known. Would you like me to continue?”
“Please.”
Spock knew the story well, but he still hesitated before beginning. As far as he knew, no other off-worlder had ever heard the sacred legend. Many Vulcans were not even aware of it. Their lives were devoted to science, reason, and logic. But the House of Surak had, paradoxically, kept those traditions alive, handing them down from generation to generation. Sarek had felt it necessary for Spock’s education to be balanced with the ancient knowledge. It was not dissimilar to the Terrans who continued to study and even observe the practices of their own ancient religions. Spock had developed a special fascination with Vulcan mysticism and had continued investigating to satisfy his own curiosity long after his mandated education had ceased. Somewhere along the way, his academic curiosity evolved into a deeper conviction. Now the mystery, the practices, the beliefs that reached back beyond time held a deep significance for him.
“S’Jenes was a warrior from the city of ShiKahr. He was the city’s champion and the most feared person throughout the region. His reputation was fierce, and he does exist as a historical figure. It is known that he fought in seventeen battles over twenty years, until his death at the age of thirty-seven. The city mourned for seven days and seven nights. During that time, there was no work done and the entire army laid down its arms and took a vow of peace. But on the third day, his friend Stoss stole the body.”
“Even I know that’s not very good manners,” Jim said.
“The city elders would have agreed with you. They immediately called for the arrest and execution of Stoss.”
“Execution?”
“The act of stealing the body desecrated it.”
“And that was an offense punishable by death?”
“When the body in question is as widely love and celebrated as S’Jenes.”
“But Stoss hadn’t intended any disrespect, right?”
Spock inclined his head. “Correct. He claimed he had been entrusted with S’Jenes’s katra, and it was his sacred duty to perform the fal-tor-pan. He swore a blood oath, and so he absconded with the body and set off to the L-langon Mountains. Unfortunately, his loyalty and love for S’Jenes could not overcome basic biological facts.”
Jim’s lips quirked. “Is that you’re way of saying the body began to rot?”
“Indeed. It is, at minimum, a ten day journey on foot to the L-langon Mountains. Why he chose that particular location was never clear. Perhaps that was the only place he would have the safety and privacy necessary for the ritual. He met a priestess there, Serranstivlen, who had previously agreed to perform the ritual, though it could very well lead to her execution as well. But when he arrived, she refused.”
“Yeah, I can’t imagine anybody would want to be responsible for bringing a rotting body back to life.”
“But Stoss refused to break his oath to his friend. He drove a senepa through his chest.”
“I’m assuming that’s a knife?”
“Yes, with a poison tip. Serranstivlen performed the ritual as his blood ran out, passing the katra from the ark and to Stoss. She bandaged the body, and when he woke, it was S’Jenes, not Stoss.”
“That’s…quite the story, Spock. Kind of a downer, though.”
“A downer, Captain?”
Jim shrugged. “It’s depressing. Tragic. It doesn’t make you feel good.”
“It is not supposed to make you feel anything.”
“Okay, what is it supposed to do?”
“It is meant to be instructional. Like the parables earth children are told to teach them proper behavior.”
Both had lost interest in the chess game, and Jim pushed the board aside so it no longer obstructed the view between them. “What is the lesson supposed to be?”
“Stoss was S’Jenes’s t’hy’la. As his t’hy’la, he made the only decision he could when he took his own life. If the roles had been reversed, S’Jenes would have done the same thing. Stoss was prepared and willing to sacrifice anything for his t’hy’la. As a result, it is less important as an example of the fal-tor-pan, and more important as a story of devotion, sacrifice, and…” Spock fished around until he found the only word that was close enough to the right meaning. “:ove.”
“What was the word you used before?”
Spock swallowed. “T’hy’la.”
“What does it mean?”
“Brother, friend, and lover. That is the easiest way to translate it into English. It is a very close relationship that does not have any other equivalent on Vulcan. It could mean spouse, but not necessarily. Often, the warriors who forged that bond had wives and families but it was…set apart from marriage. It encompassed a different set of rules and expectations. For example, the mental link could only be broken by death. And it can only be forged once. It was also highly respected and despite strict adultery laws of the ancient civilizations, the t’hy’la relationship always had a special exception.”
“So, Stoss wouldn’t have found himself another t’hy’la?”
“Correct.”
“Spock…why are you telling me all of this?”
It was a fair question. The question he had been expecting. And he was confident in his answer, but he wasn’t as confident about Jim’s response. After all, Terrans had no concept of t’hy’la. He believed that their marital relationships were similar to it, but those bonds were broken so easily. How could a Terran, even one as intelligent and perceptive as James Kirk, ever grasp the implications of the bond? Or the depth of the communion possible between them?
“As S’Jenes’s t’hy’la, Stoss had a special bond, a mental link, with him. According to the texts, this bond is formed out of immense sacrifice. Perhaps Stoss saved S’Jenes’s life at great risk to his own during a battle. Or perhaps S’Jenes refused to leave an injured Stoss to be destroyed by the enemy combatants. The actual moment of bonding is particularly intimate and personal to each person.” Spock met his captain’s inquisitive gaze, and this time, he did not set his face in an impassive mask. “Jim, I believe you are my t’hy’la.”