Rubbers
I've just come to realize how rarely I use this journal for actual writing stuff. Instead I usually post on skating or baseball sites and the occasional kink meme. I will continue to do that stuff like it's my job, but I also need to rant a little. The topic is safe sex and why everyone should practice it.
For the past few months, I've been seeing a decent guy. He's kind, smart, has a good job, etc. I've been a little iffy on my feelings for him lately, but this one incident drove the final nail into the coffin and I think I'm done with him. My friends think I'm over reacting, but to me it's a big deal.
I go to a party at his apartment, and after several months of seeing him, I'm thinking that sex is pretty likely. As expected, things start getting steamy and after a while of fooling around, he tries to just, well, how do I say this? He tries to just put it in me, to be blunt. Before he can, however, I'm like "Whoa! Do you have anything?" He plays dumb.
I explain: "We can't do this without a condom."
"I don't have one."
"Well then, this isn't happening."
At this point, I'm expecting him to be a little huffy about it, or dart around to try to find one. But instead, he says the skeeviest line I've ever heard: "What's wrong, baby? Don't you trust me?" Direct quote, I swear to God. I felt like I was in an after school special.
Now, I'm no virgin, but I've never actually had a guy try to pressure me into barebacking before. My previous partners were always so willing to wear a condom, so this was a new experience for me. Obviously, I stood my ground and no sex occurred. I've never ever had sex without a condom and I'm not about to start.
Apparently, I'm somewhat of an oddity. I'm the only one of my friends to never have sex sans condom. Two of my friends got pregnant this way and went through very (emotionally and physically) painful abortions. The one friend still doesn't always use one. Even one of my guy friends told me that he's gotten caught in the heat of the moment before and that stopping to find or buy protection would just be a mood killer. He assured me that he pulled out, but doesn't he realize he could still get a girl pregnant or catch a disease this way?
I guess I'm just not a heat of the moment kind of girl.
I honestly could not enjoy having sex while knowing that I could get sick or pregnant. The whole time I would just panic about possibly exposing myself to any number of diseases. Some diseases are gone with a couple of doses of antibiotics, but some could stay with you the rest of your life, and even make your life shorter. Are a few minutes of pleasure worth cervical cancer or AIDS? I definitely say "Fuck no!"
I have a personal reason for feeling this way. Let me explain. When I was just a baby, I received a blood transfusion, but this was in the early 80's, back before they tested blood for HIV and hepatitis. At age 15, my doctors decided to test me for these illnesses just to be safe. They told me that it was extremely unlikely that I was sick because 15 years after the transfusion, I showed no signs of having either illness. But that didn't stop me or my parents from worrying that whole week while we waited for test results. It's scary how one single blood test has the potential to change your life forever. It's scary that the blood transfusion that saved my life could also cost me it. And it's scary for a 15 year old virgin to get tested for a fatal STD.
By the grace of God, I was fine and my tests were negative, but I made a decision right then and there. I would never do something that would put me at risk. It's bad enough waiting for those test results when I know that most likely I'm fine. I couldn't imagine waiting for those results and knowing there was a good chance that they'd come back positive. I could never put myself (or my family) through that, so I made certain lifestyle choices when it came to sex and drugs and I stuck with them. I realize that condoms aren't 100%, but they're by far better than going without them and hoping for the best.
As for the guy I'm seeing, well I don't know. If he was so willing to have sex with me without a condom when we've never slept together before, never discussed sex or partners, and never talked about if we'd been tested, that doesn't sit right with me. How many girls has he been with without a condom? Does he ever use one? I guess I should address the issue, but to be honest, I'm so turned off. Even if I explain myself and he claims to respect my feelings, will he start to pressure me somewhere down the line to change my stance on condoms? I don't know, but that's one thing I will not compromise on, and it troubles me that so many other people do.
For the past few months, I've been seeing a decent guy. He's kind, smart, has a good job, etc. I've been a little iffy on my feelings for him lately, but this one incident drove the final nail into the coffin and I think I'm done with him. My friends think I'm over reacting, but to me it's a big deal.
I go to a party at his apartment, and after several months of seeing him, I'm thinking that sex is pretty likely. As expected, things start getting steamy and after a while of fooling around, he tries to just, well, how do I say this? He tries to just put it in me, to be blunt. Before he can, however, I'm like "Whoa! Do you have anything?" He plays dumb.
I explain: "We can't do this without a condom."
"I don't have one."
"Well then, this isn't happening."
At this point, I'm expecting him to be a little huffy about it, or dart around to try to find one. But instead, he says the skeeviest line I've ever heard: "What's wrong, baby? Don't you trust me?" Direct quote, I swear to God. I felt like I was in an after school special.
Now, I'm no virgin, but I've never actually had a guy try to pressure me into barebacking before. My previous partners were always so willing to wear a condom, so this was a new experience for me. Obviously, I stood my ground and no sex occurred. I've never ever had sex without a condom and I'm not about to start.
Apparently, I'm somewhat of an oddity. I'm the only one of my friends to never have sex sans condom. Two of my friends got pregnant this way and went through very (emotionally and physically) painful abortions. The one friend still doesn't always use one. Even one of my guy friends told me that he's gotten caught in the heat of the moment before and that stopping to find or buy protection would just be a mood killer. He assured me that he pulled out, but doesn't he realize he could still get a girl pregnant or catch a disease this way?
I guess I'm just not a heat of the moment kind of girl.
I honestly could not enjoy having sex while knowing that I could get sick or pregnant. The whole time I would just panic about possibly exposing myself to any number of diseases. Some diseases are gone with a couple of doses of antibiotics, but some could stay with you the rest of your life, and even make your life shorter. Are a few minutes of pleasure worth cervical cancer or AIDS? I definitely say "Fuck no!"
I have a personal reason for feeling this way. Let me explain. When I was just a baby, I received a blood transfusion, but this was in the early 80's, back before they tested blood for HIV and hepatitis. At age 15, my doctors decided to test me for these illnesses just to be safe. They told me that it was extremely unlikely that I was sick because 15 years after the transfusion, I showed no signs of having either illness. But that didn't stop me or my parents from worrying that whole week while we waited for test results. It's scary how one single blood test has the potential to change your life forever. It's scary that the blood transfusion that saved my life could also cost me it. And it's scary for a 15 year old virgin to get tested for a fatal STD.
By the grace of God, I was fine and my tests were negative, but I made a decision right then and there. I would never do something that would put me at risk. It's bad enough waiting for those test results when I know that most likely I'm fine. I couldn't imagine waiting for those results and knowing there was a good chance that they'd come back positive. I could never put myself (or my family) through that, so I made certain lifestyle choices when it came to sex and drugs and I stuck with them. I realize that condoms aren't 100%, but they're by far better than going without them and hoping for the best.
As for the guy I'm seeing, well I don't know. If he was so willing to have sex with me without a condom when we've never slept together before, never discussed sex or partners, and never talked about if we'd been tested, that doesn't sit right with me. How many girls has he been with without a condom? Does he ever use one? I guess I should address the issue, but to be honest, I'm so turned off. Even if I explain myself and he claims to respect my feelings, will he start to pressure me somewhere down the line to change my stance on condoms? I don't know, but that's one thing I will not compromise on, and it troubles me that so many other people do.