Im feeling lost. I have nothing going for me in life, I have no friends(atleast that is how it feels). I actually cried myself to sleep last night. I havent done that since i left UB
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things ebb and flow, you know that. people come and go, you know that too.
i hated people in our chapter for the very same reasons when i was active, but i tried to overcome that by searching out other brothers not from epsig, or in the 'apo outlaws', and look.... i've been in 13 years now, and am still on staff (and will be stepping down from 5 years as section chair in april.) however, i also had mended the fissures between me and our chapter when the oeioke i didn't like left. those who were around when you pledged-- most of them are long gone from active status and a few are staffers. you'll let those few stand in your way of liking the whole organization? why?
you need to keep at it, even when things seem bad. you need to push through and your friends that you do have will be there for you.
2004 was my hardest year ever in life and apo. it was followed by a rough patch in 2008 with my second chapter. and i survived them both due to my network of friends through apo. now, some of those friends are gone, never to return. others will always be there. it works both ways being a friend....
but i agree with ceruleanarcher on a lot of this. don't "kill" everyone in one fell swoop. there are more of us than you think that are still there. you just need to send out that beacon.
I guess what bothers me more, is what I heard from people that are(or were) staff from 88 and 89. They spread rumors about me, apparently I was stalking people(thats news to me), I was sleeping with everyone in the state that was APO(again news to me). I know there are good people in this organization. You timber, Kate, even Keegen(to an extent), there are more out there I hope.
I would like to mention that these people that said this are the ones that I reached out to. I learned that they were using this gossip to use against me.
I dont want to get rid of everyone in one follow swoop, but when people are defaming you, people that to the outside world seem to be the "responsible" ones, and they are saying things like what I just mentioned, would you want to say you are part of that group?
I dont want to lose some of the connections I made. but it wasnt just the people that I plegded with. A lot of those people(at least my pledge class) I know I will more then likely never see again, and to that I say good riddence.
I knew when I wrote this post I was going to stir up the horrenets nest. I hope i have made my actions a little more clear.
P.S. I also know that I am not the only one that has felt this way, I would assume most still do. section 88 and 89(as it was when I was active and/or still hung around) was in my eyes are very backhanded group. I am still to this day surprised that certain chapters have not folded. of course, this is a generalization, and for that reason not representative of the whole, but the majority.
people come and go, you know that too.
i hated people in our chapter for the very same reasons when i was active, but i tried to overcome that by searching out other brothers not from epsig, or in the 'apo outlaws', and look.... i've been in 13 years now, and am still on staff (and will be stepping down from 5 years as section chair in april.) however, i also had mended the fissures between me and our chapter when the oeioke i didn't like left. those who were around when you pledged-- most of them are long gone from active status and a few are staffers. you'll let those few stand in your way of liking the whole organization? why?
you need to keep at it, even when things seem bad. you need to push through and your friends that you do have will be there for you.
2004 was my hardest year ever in life and apo. it was followed by a rough patch in 2008 with my second chapter. and i survived them both due to my network of friends through apo. now, some of those friends are gone, never to return. others will always be there. it works both ways being a friend....
but i agree with ceruleanarcher on a lot of this. don't "kill" everyone in one fell swoop. there are more of us than you think that are still there. you just need to send out that beacon.
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I would like to mention that these people that said this are the ones that I reached out to. I learned that they were using this gossip to use against me.
I dont want to get rid of everyone in one follow swoop, but when people are defaming you, people that to the outside world seem to be the "responsible" ones, and they are saying things like what I just mentioned, would you want to say you are part of that group?
I dont want to lose some of the connections I made. but it wasnt just the people that I plegded with. A lot of those people(at least my pledge class) I know I will more then likely never see again, and to that I say good riddence.
I knew when I wrote this post I was going to stir up the horrenets nest. I hope i have made my actions a little more clear.
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