Blah
It's amazing how fast moods can change sometimes. My cousin and her roommate were here last night and today, and I had a great time with them. I hadn't seen her in over 5 months and it was great to catch up. I also got to show them all around MSU's campus and even though we didn't party it up big time like I know she wanted to, they seemed to have a really good time. It was beautiful out today and I had a generally pleasant day. This evening I went to gone wired cafe with Whit and Neeta and was determined to get a lot done. As soon as we got there, however, I started feeling very melancholy for some reason. My aunt and grandparents are currently at my house in the heights visiting my parents and I really want to see them. I haven't seen any of my relatives in over 5 months and my cousin and I were reminiscing about all of our crazy family stories yesterday. It made me realize how lucky I am to genuinely like seeing my family, but it also made me really sad that I don't get to see them more often. My youngest cousin is almost 1 and I've only seen him twice. I really want to be home right now. I don't get homesick often, but I think I am currently.
My cousin also told me that my great uncle passed away this past week. I didn't see him as often as some of my other relatives, but I still knew him pretty well. He was in hospice and we all knew it was coming, but it's still really sad. I guess that's making me wish I could see my relatives more often too. You never know what might happen. My grandpa is in a nursing home with alzheimers and I haven't seen him in about 8 months. He won't know who I am when I go visit him, but I really want to. Alzheimers set in slowly with him, because he was having these mini strokes that caused it over several years. Even so, I feel like he went from being lucid to not knowing much at all so fast. And I think it seems like that because I only get to see him a few times a year. My other grandpa keeps getting sicker and sicker and constantly talks like he might not live until tomorrow. That's not going to happen, but it still worries me. I want to be able to go to my Grandma's for thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. I want to be annoyed with my relatives because they are around too often. I know that there are a lot of other people who are worlds away from their family compared to me, but they really are important and I just wish I could be closer.
There are other stupid reasons contributing to my melancholy mood, but I think it's mostly my family issues. Last week I found out that I got an internship for the summer... and then promptly lost my spot this week. It's a long story, but the more I think about it, the more I realize it wasn't just my fault and I got screwed over. That experience was really important and I was really excited to be doing it. My opportunities to get another one keep diminishing and I feel like I'm just not good enough. There are a few other stupid things wrong, but I think my current mood is just making everything worse than it is. Everyone is gone from my apartment, and I think it's just a bad night for me to be alone. Sometimes alone time is really nice and I look forward to it. But tonight, I just feel extra lonely... I could easily remedy this problem by finding someone to visit. But I don't much feel like venturing out either. I know I'm being silly, and I know I'm really lucky. But for now, I can't help but feel very alone.
My cousin also told me that my great uncle passed away this past week. I didn't see him as often as some of my other relatives, but I still knew him pretty well. He was in hospice and we all knew it was coming, but it's still really sad. I guess that's making me wish I could see my relatives more often too. You never know what might happen. My grandpa is in a nursing home with alzheimers and I haven't seen him in about 8 months. He won't know who I am when I go visit him, but I really want to. Alzheimers set in slowly with him, because he was having these mini strokes that caused it over several years. Even so, I feel like he went from being lucid to not knowing much at all so fast. And I think it seems like that because I only get to see him a few times a year. My other grandpa keeps getting sicker and sicker and constantly talks like he might not live until tomorrow. That's not going to happen, but it still worries me. I want to be able to go to my Grandma's for thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. I want to be annoyed with my relatives because they are around too often. I know that there are a lot of other people who are worlds away from their family compared to me, but they really are important and I just wish I could be closer.
There are other stupid reasons contributing to my melancholy mood, but I think it's mostly my family issues. Last week I found out that I got an internship for the summer... and then promptly lost my spot this week. It's a long story, but the more I think about it, the more I realize it wasn't just my fault and I got screwed over. That experience was really important and I was really excited to be doing it. My opportunities to get another one keep diminishing and I feel like I'm just not good enough. There are a few other stupid things wrong, but I think my current mood is just making everything worse than it is. Everyone is gone from my apartment, and I think it's just a bad night for me to be alone. Sometimes alone time is really nice and I look forward to it. But tonight, I just feel extra lonely... I could easily remedy this problem by finding someone to visit. But I don't much feel like venturing out either. I know I'm being silly, and I know I'm really lucky. But for now, I can't help but feel very alone.