I know that I've been dreaming, and your actions have inspired me...

[pengwinn7teen]

Ugh, I'm feeling so blah right now. And I'm perfectly aware as to why, too. No surprises, Gabe's being an asswipe and rubbing things in my face. What makes it worse is that I'm not even upset because he's got someone new. It's whatevs, I'm so done with that horrible relationship, I'm honestly happy he found someone new. What bothers me is that he has to be so rude and mean about it - he doesn't talk to me for days, and then texts me to say he's got a girlfriend. And then we don't talk for a week, after which he texts me to check up on me. As if not seeing him or talking to him for a week is dangerous to my mental health, and as if I'd kill myself because he's got someone new. Added to that, I tried to hold a decent conversation, I was trying not to be awkward and just be damned pleasant, and he kept being like, "Lol, don't ask" ... as if I didn't want to know that he was happy with this chick. It just made me feel so ... I don't know, like he thought I was that pathetic. It makes me feel pathetic. It makes me feel so...ugh.

Added to that, the fact that he found someone so easily and I'm still alone. Makes me feel kinda gross and disgusting, honestly. Sometimes I just feel like I'm not going to find someone, like I'm just good for...:sighs.: I dunno, it's just complicated. And sucky.

I'ma go for a walk to clear my head.