(no subject)
Ugh.. everything has just been so crazy. It feels like a million years ago that I wrote my last post. Everything has just flown by since then.
The whole wake/ funeral thing was kind of crazy. The first wake was 2-4 and it was horrible. It was all closed casket except 1-2 where close family could go and say good bye. We got there at 20 of 1. It was so hard seeing everyone in so much pain. I have a hard time dealing with all this death stuff and it makes it so much worse to be close to the person and everyone coming to greive. There was a lot of crying and it just sucked. The worst probably being when Dan went up to the casket alone to say good bye and you could just see how hard it was and I couldn't do anything. The second wake was really different. There was like no crying and we had to stand in a line for an hour and a half of it so everyone could give their condolences to us. The funeral was hard too, walking in I just held dan's hand and stared at the ground I knew I couldn't handle seeing people cry. My mom and Kevin were there too, they came up for the wake and funeral, I knew if I looked at them I'd lose it. The pastor of our church came too which was really nice. We're close to him and his family but it's not expected for him to do it. The whole thing seems unreal and it was really shitty.
Needless to say my birthday really sucked. I don't even feel like I really had a birthday. We went out to dinner on my birthday and Em came with all of us which was awesome since I hadn't seen her in awhile and it was nice to have her there. It really helped with everything going on. I was sick though so that made it less fun too. I am just finally getting over this sickness.. I ended up getting bronchitus but my doctor gave me an inhaler to specifically help that and I'm feeling better. My lungs are annoying sometimes but I can breathe alot better now.
We've been pretty much relaxing the past 2 days and we went trick or treating with a family which was fun. I feel so drained still but can't keep doing this forever so it's back to work tomorrow. I miss the kids but I don't feel like I'm ready to deal with real life stuff completely. I don't really know what's going on but I'm just not completely me right now. I haven't been able to eat much lately and most of what I do eat I have to force myself to eat, it just really sucks and I don't know what the deal is.
Well bedtime.. working 10-6:30 tomorrow :(
The whole wake/ funeral thing was kind of crazy. The first wake was 2-4 and it was horrible. It was all closed casket except 1-2 where close family could go and say good bye. We got there at 20 of 1. It was so hard seeing everyone in so much pain. I have a hard time dealing with all this death stuff and it makes it so much worse to be close to the person and everyone coming to greive. There was a lot of crying and it just sucked. The worst probably being when Dan went up to the casket alone to say good bye and you could just see how hard it was and I couldn't do anything. The second wake was really different. There was like no crying and we had to stand in a line for an hour and a half of it so everyone could give their condolences to us. The funeral was hard too, walking in I just held dan's hand and stared at the ground I knew I couldn't handle seeing people cry. My mom and Kevin were there too, they came up for the wake and funeral, I knew if I looked at them I'd lose it. The pastor of our church came too which was really nice. We're close to him and his family but it's not expected for him to do it. The whole thing seems unreal and it was really shitty.
Needless to say my birthday really sucked. I don't even feel like I really had a birthday. We went out to dinner on my birthday and Em came with all of us which was awesome since I hadn't seen her in awhile and it was nice to have her there. It really helped with everything going on. I was sick though so that made it less fun too. I am just finally getting over this sickness.. I ended up getting bronchitus but my doctor gave me an inhaler to specifically help that and I'm feeling better. My lungs are annoying sometimes but I can breathe alot better now.
We've been pretty much relaxing the past 2 days and we went trick or treating with a family which was fun. I feel so drained still but can't keep doing this forever so it's back to work tomorrow. I miss the kids but I don't feel like I'm ready to deal with real life stuff completely. I don't really know what's going on but I'm just not completely me right now. I haven't been able to eat much lately and most of what I do eat I have to force myself to eat, it just really sucks and I don't know what the deal is.
Well bedtime.. working 10-6:30 tomorrow :(