Life is sucking hard.
I don't know what it is but I am depressed every day. I have to battle with myself to keep tears back almost every moment of the day. If I'm not thinking about what a fuck up I am, or how much I messed up in school, how much money I owe then I think about my grandfather and how I wish I could go back to my grandma being happy having him by her side. Even though I could fix the first few things, I can't bring my grandfather back... and soon I won't being able to bring my grandmother back or my mom or everyone I love and eventually I'll be gone and life just seems like too much work to then just end. I don't know.. maybe I should get some anti-depressants or something to help with my anxiety. Maybe I'll feel better all drugged up, maybe I won't feel anything at all that way... I'd much rather that than what I'm feeling now.
I know there's no one else to blame but myself but blaming myself. I just don't know how or if I can fix it, fix me. I feel like I'll never have a future. I am going to be living with my mother forever. I'll never have money to move out, never have money to have a family, never have money to do anything. Just enough to get by each day. I just wish I knew if there was something that was going to make all this worth it in the end. Just a hint that there's something good somewhere just for me. Cuz I just feel like giving up on life.
~Pris
I know there's no one else to blame but myself but blaming myself. I just don't know how or if I can fix it, fix me. I feel like I'll never have a future. I am going to be living with my mother forever. I'll never have money to move out, never have money to have a family, never have money to do anything. Just enough to get by each day. I just wish I knew if there was something that was going to make all this worth it in the end. Just a hint that there's something good somewhere just for me. Cuz I just feel like giving up on life.
~Pris