Fic: The Werewolf Diaries (Day 1-15/100 Days)
Fic: The Werewolf Diaries (Day 1-15/100 days)
Summary: 100 very bizarre days in the life of a smallish person of inquisitve nature.
Author: C. Sullivan (as interpreted by pen37 and Clarksmuse)
Fandoms: Smallville/Supernatural/DCU
Pairing:Chloe/Dean
Rating: Pg
A/N: The crew from SPN isn't in this first chapter. Trust me though, they're coming.
Day 1-15, Day 16-32, Day 33-41, Day 42-59, Day 60-68, Day 69 70-84, Day 85-100.
Postman: Can I help you, Miss?
Chloe: Yeah, I have this postage due notice here. I found it in my mailbox.
Postman: Here you go. One letter sent via Yak Back from the Himilias.
Chloe: Who would. . . I don’t know anyone who . . . Clark. It would have to be Clark.
Postman: That’ll be $139.42.
Chloe: What?
Postman: Plus Tax.
Chloe: This better be good.
Chloe: . . .
Postman: Well?
Chloe: You’re being kind of nosy, aren’t you?
Postman: It came via Yak Express. It’s a slow day. What do you expect?
Chloe: Privacy.
Postman: Privacy costs extra.
Chloe: . . .
Postman: It’s not good news.
Chloe: How can you tell?
Postman: Your chin got all wibbly the way girls do when they’re fighting back tears. Trust me hon, he’s so not worth it.
Chloe: How do you know?
Postman: Because you’re the best at fighting back tears of any girl who I’ve ever seen receive a Dear Jane letter. Anyone who can make a girl get that good at the brave little soldier look is totally not worth it.
Chloe: He’s just . . . gone to find himself.
Postman: Then honey, you’d better hope he stays lost.
Chloe: Thanks. I think.
***
Day 1
Stupid Clark.
Henceforth let him be known as dumb alien former friend (daff).
Decided that he can't deal with his and Lana's latest whatever. Off to find himself.
Likely story.
I told Jimmy that he was off to become a yack pimp in the Himalayas.
Sounds more plausible than saying that he's living above the arctic circle, and immersing himself in his dead alien culture per the instructions of his dead father's artificial intelligence.
For an AI, it shows more sense than the real thing that Daff supposedly has.
But I'm not bitter, or anything.
Stupidhead.
***
Jimmy: Hey Chloe, have you seen CK lately?
Chloe: Uh, yeah. About that, Jimmy. Clark has gone off to find himself.
Jimmy: Find himself? I didn't know he was lost to begin with.
Chloe: Well, with his calling hanging over his head.
Jimmy: What calling.
Chloe uhhhh . . .
Day 2.
Lex (Dr. Evil) knows that Daff is gone. Already sending minions to stalk yours truly.
On the other hand, most of Planet staff bought the yack pimp story. Jimmy has a big mouth.
***
Cat Grant: Hey Chloe! I heard that Clark ran away to pimp Yaks in Tibet.
Chloe: Where did you hear? . . . Jimmy!
***
Lefty: Scuse me miss. Package for you.
Chloe: There is?
Lefty: I'll just leave it here.
Chloe: Maybe you should open it for me.
Lefty: Um . . .
Chloe: That's what I thought. Send it back.
Day 3.
Apartment was fire bombed today. Is okay, because I have come-back-from-dead tears-of-suck power that is stronger than firebomb. Larry the Morgue attendant said Hi. I think he has small crush on me. Am doing my best to discourage it. It’s probably not a good thing to have a relationship with the guy who sneaks you out the back of the mortuary when you wake up. Suspect he might be into necrophilia, anyway. I’m just not *that* into the kinky.
Am sleeping under desk. No real change in my routine. Nobody at work noticed.
***
Ollie: Sidekick! What's up?
Chloe: I think Lex is out to kill me.
Ollie: Lex is always out to kill you.
Chloe: No, sometimes he just wants to play mad scientist.
Ollie: Better than playing doctor.
Chloe: . . .
Ollie: I totally said that out loud. Didn't I?
Chloe: And then I threw up in my mouth a little.
Day 4
Heard from Ollie today.
He seems to think that Lex is out to get me.
Wonder what gave him that idea?
***
Jimmy: Hey Chloster! Any word from CK?
Chloe: Nothing since his last letter. The price of postage is enormous when you’re mailing something from Upper New Majorica.
Jimmy: That’s funny. He’s been texting me every day.
Chloe: I so hate you right now panda boy.
Day 5.
Five days since the departure of DAFF.
Stupidhead.
***
Ollie: So Sidekick, given any thought to how to protect yourself from Lex?
Chloe: Some, but there’s no way my Uncle Sam would give me access to thermonuclear weapons.
Ollie: You’re kidding right?
Chloe: My Army Of One up and left me. I’m forced to take drastic action.
Ollie: Maybe you should look at a simple disguise before breaking out the weapons of mass destruction.
Chloe: Like what?
Ollie: Maybe die your hair brown?
Chloe: You know, it’s disturbing how much you sound like a Lois-stalker right now.
Ollie: Uh . . .
Day 6.
Ollie thinks I should dye my hair brown, and use Lois's name on my bylines.
Then what name would Lois use?
Day 7.
Lois told me to use name. Apparently, is giving up life of tabloid journalism. Wants to pursue real dream of raising championship angora cats.
Wondering how she will fare, since she is allergic to pets.
Not using Lois' name. Is tarnished from years of yellow journalism.
***
Lois: So what do you think, Cuz?
Chloe: uh . . .
Lois: Look, I know you’re overwhelmed. But it’s called a life decision. Adults make those.
Chloe: Like the time you decided that you were going to be a roadie for Whitesnake?
Day 8.
New copy boy looks suspicious.
How do I know?
Is only wrinkled 20 year old I've ever seen.
His name, Lefty three-fingers was another clue.
His resume lists his previous job as 'hired assassin for Luthorcorp.'
Might be time to go into hiding.
***
Ollie: I think Lex is trying to kill you.
Chloe: And here I thought we were just contestants on Trading Spaces.
Ollie: I think you should go into hiding.
Chloe: But you should see the lovely things I had planned for his apartment.
Day 9.
Ollie: Listen sidekick, If you do decide to go the way of 'The Fugitive,' then I've got the perfect solution.
Chloe: There better not be a one-armed man involved.
Ollie: Cute, but no. My family has a vacation home that they haven't used in years. You'd be pretty much left alone. Miles from anywhere.
Chloe: You do realize that's the perfect set-up for every single horror movie I've ever seen.
Ollie: Uh . . .
***
Ollie offered the use of his family's cabin in the Rockies. It’s primitive by his standards, which means that it's nicer than my apartment.
One hitch.
There's something in the woods.
???
Yeah a cabin.
Day 10.
Ollie: So . . . cabin.
Chloe: Still harping on that?
Ollie: You do realize that Lex is getting bolder in his attempts to kill you.
Chloe: The billboard he's erected on top the Luthorcorp tower is a good indication of that.
Ollie: He put up a billboard?
Chloe: It's got my picture on it.
Ollie: What, like a milk-carton?
Chloe: Close. It says '10 million dollar reward for information leading to this woman's disappearance.'
Ollie: You sure you don't want to take your chances with the creepy cabin o' doom?
***
Turns out that by there's something in the woods, he mean that there is something creepy in the woods.
Pfffft. Creepy wouldn't even bother a Smallville second-grader.
Day 11
Ollie suggested I pack.
Day 12
As apartment was firebombed, I have nothing to pack.
Day 13
Bart: So Chlolicious.
Chloe: Impulse, unless you're here to say that you've either dumped Lex into the New Mariana trench, or you've got a giant Lex-killing death ray, I'm not in the mood.
Bart: wellll . . .
***
Bart ganked Ollie's credit cards. Wants to take me on a shopping spree.
So much love for the shrimp.
Day 14.
Okay, so he tried to take me on a shopping spree to Fredrick's of Hollywood.
No love for the shrimp.
***
Chloe: No
Bart: But --
Chloe: No
Bart: B-
Chloe: No
Bart: Buzzkill
Day 15
Got provisioned. Got clothed. Lois gave me an angora sweater.
***
Chloe: Lois, you do know that angora sweaters aren't made from angora cat
hair.
Lois: It's a detail.
Summary: 100 very bizarre days in the life of a smallish person of inquisitve nature.
Author: C. Sullivan (as interpreted by pen37 and Clarksmuse)
Fandoms: Smallville/Supernatural/DCU
Pairing:Chloe/Dean
Rating: Pg
A/N: The crew from SPN isn't in this first chapter. Trust me though, they're coming.
Day 1-15, Day 16-32, Day 33-41, Day 42-59, Day 60-68, Day 69 70-84, Day 85-100.
Postman: Can I help you, Miss?
Chloe: Yeah, I have this postage due notice here. I found it in my mailbox.
Postman: Here you go. One letter sent via Yak Back from the Himilias.
Chloe: Who would. . . I don’t know anyone who . . . Clark. It would have to be Clark.
Postman: That’ll be $139.42.
Chloe: What?
Postman: Plus Tax.
Chloe: This better be good.
Chloe: . . .
Postman: Well?
Chloe: You’re being kind of nosy, aren’t you?
Postman: It came via Yak Express. It’s a slow day. What do you expect?
Chloe: Privacy.
Postman: Privacy costs extra.
Chloe: . . .
Postman: It’s not good news.
Chloe: How can you tell?
Postman: Your chin got all wibbly the way girls do when they’re fighting back tears. Trust me hon, he’s so not worth it.
Chloe: How do you know?
Postman: Because you’re the best at fighting back tears of any girl who I’ve ever seen receive a Dear Jane letter. Anyone who can make a girl get that good at the brave little soldier look is totally not worth it.
Chloe: He’s just . . . gone to find himself.
Postman: Then honey, you’d better hope he stays lost.
Chloe: Thanks. I think.
***
Day 1
Stupid Clark.
Henceforth let him be known as dumb alien former friend (daff).
Decided that he can't deal with his and Lana's latest whatever. Off to find himself.
Likely story.
I told Jimmy that he was off to become a yack pimp in the Himalayas.
Sounds more plausible than saying that he's living above the arctic circle, and immersing himself in his dead alien culture per the instructions of his dead father's artificial intelligence.
For an AI, it shows more sense than the real thing that Daff supposedly has.
But I'm not bitter, or anything.
Stupidhead.
***
Jimmy: Hey Chloe, have you seen CK lately?
Chloe: Uh, yeah. About that, Jimmy. Clark has gone off to find himself.
Jimmy: Find himself? I didn't know he was lost to begin with.
Chloe: Well, with his calling hanging over his head.
Jimmy: What calling.
Chloe uhhhh . . .
Day 2.
Lex (Dr. Evil) knows that Daff is gone. Already sending minions to stalk yours truly.
On the other hand, most of Planet staff bought the yack pimp story. Jimmy has a big mouth.
***
Cat Grant: Hey Chloe! I heard that Clark ran away to pimp Yaks in Tibet.
Chloe: Where did you hear? . . . Jimmy!
***
Lefty: Scuse me miss. Package for you.
Chloe: There is?
Lefty: I'll just leave it here.
Chloe: Maybe you should open it for me.
Lefty: Um . . .
Chloe: That's what I thought. Send it back.
Day 3.
Apartment was fire bombed today. Is okay, because I have come-back-from-dead tears-of-suck power that is stronger than firebomb. Larry the Morgue attendant said Hi. I think he has small crush on me. Am doing my best to discourage it. It’s probably not a good thing to have a relationship with the guy who sneaks you out the back of the mortuary when you wake up. Suspect he might be into necrophilia, anyway. I’m just not *that* into the kinky.
Am sleeping under desk. No real change in my routine. Nobody at work noticed.
***
Ollie: Sidekick! What's up?
Chloe: I think Lex is out to kill me.
Ollie: Lex is always out to kill you.
Chloe: No, sometimes he just wants to play mad scientist.
Ollie: Better than playing doctor.
Chloe: . . .
Ollie: I totally said that out loud. Didn't I?
Chloe: And then I threw up in my mouth a little.
Day 4
Heard from Ollie today.
He seems to think that Lex is out to get me.
Wonder what gave him that idea?
***
Jimmy: Hey Chloster! Any word from CK?
Chloe: Nothing since his last letter. The price of postage is enormous when you’re mailing something from Upper New Majorica.
Jimmy: That’s funny. He’s been texting me every day.
Chloe: I so hate you right now panda boy.
Day 5.
Five days since the departure of DAFF.
Stupidhead.
***
Ollie: So Sidekick, given any thought to how to protect yourself from Lex?
Chloe: Some, but there’s no way my Uncle Sam would give me access to thermonuclear weapons.
Ollie: You’re kidding right?
Chloe: My Army Of One up and left me. I’m forced to take drastic action.
Ollie: Maybe you should look at a simple disguise before breaking out the weapons of mass destruction.
Chloe: Like what?
Ollie: Maybe die your hair brown?
Chloe: You know, it’s disturbing how much you sound like a Lois-stalker right now.
Ollie: Uh . . .
Day 6.
Ollie thinks I should dye my hair brown, and use Lois's name on my bylines.
Then what name would Lois use?
Day 7.
Lois told me to use name. Apparently, is giving up life of tabloid journalism. Wants to pursue real dream of raising championship angora cats.
Wondering how she will fare, since she is allergic to pets.
Not using Lois' name. Is tarnished from years of yellow journalism.
***
Lois: So what do you think, Cuz?
Chloe: uh . . .
Lois: Look, I know you’re overwhelmed. But it’s called a life decision. Adults make those.
Chloe: Like the time you decided that you were going to be a roadie for Whitesnake?
Day 8.
New copy boy looks suspicious.
How do I know?
Is only wrinkled 20 year old I've ever seen.
His name, Lefty three-fingers was another clue.
His resume lists his previous job as 'hired assassin for Luthorcorp.'
Might be time to go into hiding.
***
Ollie: I think Lex is trying to kill you.
Chloe: And here I thought we were just contestants on Trading Spaces.
Ollie: I think you should go into hiding.
Chloe: But you should see the lovely things I had planned for his apartment.
Day 9.
Ollie: Listen sidekick, If you do decide to go the way of 'The Fugitive,' then I've got the perfect solution.
Chloe: There better not be a one-armed man involved.
Ollie: Cute, but no. My family has a vacation home that they haven't used in years. You'd be pretty much left alone. Miles from anywhere.
Chloe: You do realize that's the perfect set-up for every single horror movie I've ever seen.
Ollie: Uh . . .
***
Ollie offered the use of his family's cabin in the Rockies. It’s primitive by his standards, which means that it's nicer than my apartment.
One hitch.
There's something in the woods.
???
Yeah a cabin.
Day 10.
Ollie: So . . . cabin.
Chloe: Still harping on that?
Ollie: You do realize that Lex is getting bolder in his attempts to kill you.
Chloe: The billboard he's erected on top the Luthorcorp tower is a good indication of that.
Ollie: He put up a billboard?
Chloe: It's got my picture on it.
Ollie: What, like a milk-carton?
Chloe: Close. It says '10 million dollar reward for information leading to this woman's disappearance.'
Ollie: You sure you don't want to take your chances with the creepy cabin o' doom?
***
Turns out that by there's something in the woods, he mean that there is something creepy in the woods.
Pfffft. Creepy wouldn't even bother a Smallville second-grader.
Day 11
Ollie suggested I pack.
Day 12
As apartment was firebombed, I have nothing to pack.
Day 13
Bart: So Chlolicious.
Chloe: Impulse, unless you're here to say that you've either dumped Lex into the New Mariana trench, or you've got a giant Lex-killing death ray, I'm not in the mood.
Bart: wellll . . .
***
Bart ganked Ollie's credit cards. Wants to take me on a shopping spree.
So much love for the shrimp.
Day 14.
Okay, so he tried to take me on a shopping spree to Fredrick's of Hollywood.
No love for the shrimp.
***
Chloe: No
Bart: But --
Chloe: No
Bart: B-
Chloe: No
Bart: Buzzkill
Day 15
Got provisioned. Got clothed. Lois gave me an angora sweater.
***
Chloe: Lois, you do know that angora sweaters aren't made from angora cat
hair.
Lois: It's a detail.