213 Things Zack Fair is No Longer Allowed to do in the ShinRa Army
23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they've been smoking crack.
"Now hold still, this is the booster for your immune system. next will come the Mako." Hojo held up a needle and before Zack really processed the size of it, plunged the hypodermic into his arm and injected something cold and *painful*.
"Shit. Wait, Mako? You're shooting us up with Mako? Are you on crack?! That stuff is pure poison!"
"Congratulations, you made SOLDIER, and this is your initiation." The chocobo needle from before had been a pinch compared to the burning screaming pain that came now, voices flooding his mind and *cold* settling through his blood into his bones. "Welcome to Third Class."
24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true.
Zack glared at the blue prints and started erasing again. It just wasn't working.
"That ship will never float. And... are those supposed to be the guns?"
"Shut up, art was never my strong point."
"Why are you drawing then?" Seph stared at the battle ship being erased line by line.
"Because I have to have a decent plan done in three weeks for a new battle carrier that runs on Mako and is twenty percent faster or I have to take a three month assignment in Icicle."
"Oh?"
"I *told* Palmer this design wouldn't work, so he said I had to re-do it. Fuck Seph, I know nothing about hydrolysis!"
"I'd be more worried about having enough life boats at this point."
25. Never confuse a terrorist for a Turk.
"Hey buddy, I'm a bit busy, can you take this to the President's meeting room? Tell him I'll be right there, gotta catch a raging Touch-Me. Thanks man!"
Biggs stared at the package thrust into his arms, the SOLDIER beating a hasty retreat down the stairwell, and the false ID that somehow managed to get him here.
"Sure... no problem." Well, now he had a reason to be in the area. All he had to do was figure out how to get the bomb into the President's helicopter.
What was a Touch-Me?
26. Never tell a Wutai soldier that “We kicked your ass in the War!”
The bar was nice, tidy, served good drinks at reasonable prices, and would never be the same after tonight. One SOLDIER third class against five pissed off ninja meant there was little left in the way of structural stability once the brawlers were wrangled into the street.
It was a pity they hadn't been constrained earlier, this used to be Tseng's favorite bar.
27. Don't tell Lady Shinra jokes in front of the Turks.
Zack actually wasn't sure what he'd done this time. One minute he was making an observation on what kind of a woman FuFu's mother must have been to marry a tub of lard like Shinra, and the next he was looking at a pair of very shiny black shoes from a painful position on the ground, arms twisted behind his back and head ringing from it's abrupt connection with the floor.
"President Shinra may not care what anyone thinks of his dearly departed, but Rufus loved his mother very much and as the future heir to the fine company under whom you are employed, it would be wise to watch the disparages you place upon her name. Is that clear, lieutenant Fair?"
"As... a... summer... sky... Tseng..."
"Now hold still, this is the booster for your immune system. next will come the Mako." Hojo held up a needle and before Zack really processed the size of it, plunged the hypodermic into his arm and injected something cold and *painful*.
"Shit. Wait, Mako? You're shooting us up with Mako? Are you on crack?! That stuff is pure poison!"
"Congratulations, you made SOLDIER, and this is your initiation." The chocobo needle from before had been a pinch compared to the burning screaming pain that came now, voices flooding his mind and *cold* settling through his blood into his bones. "Welcome to Third Class."
24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true.
Zack glared at the blue prints and started erasing again. It just wasn't working.
"That ship will never float. And... are those supposed to be the guns?"
"Shut up, art was never my strong point."
"Why are you drawing then?" Seph stared at the battle ship being erased line by line.
"Because I have to have a decent plan done in three weeks for a new battle carrier that runs on Mako and is twenty percent faster or I have to take a three month assignment in Icicle."
"Oh?"
"I *told* Palmer this design wouldn't work, so he said I had to re-do it. Fuck Seph, I know nothing about hydrolysis!"
"I'd be more worried about having enough life boats at this point."
25. Never confuse a terrorist for a Turk.
"Hey buddy, I'm a bit busy, can you take this to the President's meeting room? Tell him I'll be right there, gotta catch a raging Touch-Me. Thanks man!"
Biggs stared at the package thrust into his arms, the SOLDIER beating a hasty retreat down the stairwell, and the false ID that somehow managed to get him here.
"Sure... no problem." Well, now he had a reason to be in the area. All he had to do was figure out how to get the bomb into the President's helicopter.
What was a Touch-Me?
26. Never tell a Wutai soldier that “We kicked your ass in the War!”
The bar was nice, tidy, served good drinks at reasonable prices, and would never be the same after tonight. One SOLDIER third class against five pissed off ninja meant there was little left in the way of structural stability once the brawlers were wrangled into the street.
It was a pity they hadn't been constrained earlier, this used to be Tseng's favorite bar.
27. Don't tell Lady Shinra jokes in front of the Turks.
Zack actually wasn't sure what he'd done this time. One minute he was making an observation on what kind of a woman FuFu's mother must have been to marry a tub of lard like Shinra, and the next he was looking at a pair of very shiny black shoes from a painful position on the ground, arms twisted behind his back and head ringing from it's abrupt connection with the floor.
"President Shinra may not care what anyone thinks of his dearly departed, but Rufus loved his mother very much and as the future heir to the fine company under whom you are employed, it would be wise to watch the disparages you place upon her name. Is that clear, lieutenant Fair?"
"As... a... summer... sky... Tseng..."