Quotas
Quotas
Everyone has a quota for something. No matter how much you love to eat something, you'd grow sick of it eventually, if you eat it everyday. No matter how much you love someone, you still need your personal space.
That is ever the more important to me in friendship.
I like to get by alone. It offers me freedom. And freedom gives me happiness more than anything else. I've been asked this question more times than I can remember, "don't you feel lonely?" Yes, I do. But life is about weighing the balance. Risk benefit ratios. Often, when I trade my freedom for company, I lose my happiness. So I'd rather not.
I hate it when a friendship has hit its quota. I know it; I can see it coming. I start to be weary of the company, I look forward to being alone, and I get ultra sensitive about every single little annoying thing.
If I don't get my personal space in time, I will cut off all connections with that friend. I can stop talking to someone overnight. It's scary. And I firmly believe that it has alot to do with my mum's drilling into me that true friends are hard to come by, if not impossible to.
I've paid my price for my eccentric behaviour. I haven't found a best of friends, nor formed any close friendship that lasted more than 10years. And I believe this trend will continue in the forseeable future.
I know it's not healthy. But I have no desire to change it. It's how I grew up. It's who I am. It's what that defines me.
Posted via m.livejournal.com.
Everyone has a quota for something. No matter how much you love to eat something, you'd grow sick of it eventually, if you eat it everyday. No matter how much you love someone, you still need your personal space.
That is ever the more important to me in friendship.
I like to get by alone. It offers me freedom. And freedom gives me happiness more than anything else. I've been asked this question more times than I can remember, "don't you feel lonely?" Yes, I do. But life is about weighing the balance. Risk benefit ratios. Often, when I trade my freedom for company, I lose my happiness. So I'd rather not.
I hate it when a friendship has hit its quota. I know it; I can see it coming. I start to be weary of the company, I look forward to being alone, and I get ultra sensitive about every single little annoying thing.
If I don't get my personal space in time, I will cut off all connections with that friend. I can stop talking to someone overnight. It's scary. And I firmly believe that it has alot to do with my mum's drilling into me that true friends are hard to come by, if not impossible to.
I've paid my price for my eccentric behaviour. I haven't found a best of friends, nor formed any close friendship that lasted more than 10years. And I believe this trend will continue in the forseeable future.
I know it's not healthy. But I have no desire to change it. It's how I grew up. It's who I am. It's what that defines me.
Posted via m.livejournal.com.