I feel like I am not even here anymore.
This last week has really been something different. So much shit has happened, and everything has been the exact opposite of what I have expected... or at least liked. I feel like all I do is bitch and whine, but as hard as I try... I can't help it. Its just how things seem to me. So many times I try to tell myself that things really aren't that bad, that they can be worse. But, they are how they are, and things are how they seem...
I've barely gone out at all these last few weeks. Blanton is in school, so is Anne. I haven't really spoken with Donna too much since that one incident. And I don't even know what is going on with Jenna now.
Even though I know, well I don't really know but I'd like to hope this isn't true, but I just seem to be becoming invisible to those I talked to. There are really only very few people I still really even talk to much. But, even with them I don't get to talk to them a lot. Everyone who I used to hang out with and talk to a lot are all preoccupied with other things. And, it just seems like I am fadding out, like usual.
I don't know if I am trying too hard, or if I am not trying hard enough. Its so hard to tell. I mean, I always try to keep friends, and have friends. But, maybe its just the way I look at things. Maybe they don't want to hang out with me because of my outlook on life. The only thing I think a lot of them don't realize, is how much them hanging out with me really helps. I feel so much better around people. I don't know if that is what makes me forget about being depressed. Or, maybe being lonely is what triggers my depression, or at least amplifies it. I really do not know but I need to get things worked out soon.
I just hope I can get my problems worked out, and find some friends who I wont seem to become invisible too. I just seem like I can never finish in first... no matter who or what it is in... It seems like I am doing good... then something happens and I lose...
I've barely gone out at all these last few weeks. Blanton is in school, so is Anne. I haven't really spoken with Donna too much since that one incident. And I don't even know what is going on with Jenna now.
Even though I know, well I don't really know but I'd like to hope this isn't true, but I just seem to be becoming invisible to those I talked to. There are really only very few people I still really even talk to much. But, even with them I don't get to talk to them a lot. Everyone who I used to hang out with and talk to a lot are all preoccupied with other things. And, it just seems like I am fadding out, like usual.
I don't know if I am trying too hard, or if I am not trying hard enough. Its so hard to tell. I mean, I always try to keep friends, and have friends. But, maybe its just the way I look at things. Maybe they don't want to hang out with me because of my outlook on life. The only thing I think a lot of them don't realize, is how much them hanging out with me really helps. I feel so much better around people. I don't know if that is what makes me forget about being depressed. Or, maybe being lonely is what triggers my depression, or at least amplifies it. I really do not know but I need to get things worked out soon.
I just hope I can get my problems worked out, and find some friends who I wont seem to become invisible too. I just seem like I can never finish in first... no matter who or what it is in... It seems like I am doing good... then something happens and I lose...