whatever.
Found you there in the blink of an eye
I miss you
Turned away into a thousand dreams
Found out what they mean
Lost you there in a moment of truth
I trust you
Gave away the one and only heart
A gift to tear apart
Stain me, save me
Take me to my home
Hold me, show me
Take me to my home
Weaker now, drawing fluid from me
You kill me
I'm not afraid of what you have just done
But of what you've just become
I got back from Alaska yesterday. I enjoyed myself, but honestly, there's too many bad memories attached to that place for me. This trip just added more bad memories to that list. Mike and Ish were with me, but I felt completely alone the whole time, even when I was with them.
I still have that same feeling. I don't know, everybody kind of has there own thing now, and I'm not apart of any of it. Everybody has their own lives and I've pretty much drifted away from all of them. For the time being, nobody really needs me. Do I care? Not really. Maybe this is how it was supposed to be.
I also mentioned once that life seems to go in patterns and the same things keep repeating themselves. I suppose that theory even pertains to me. When I was on the ship, I would look over the edge every once and a while and think "You know, Mom said if you fall off one of these ships, it takes about thirty seconds before you die, and there's no way to be saved...maybe that wouldn't be so bad." I don't know why I'm thinking like this again. I should feel thankful for everything I have and feel fortunate. I know that. But no matter how hard I try, I just feel empty. I don't feel like I'm serving any sort of purpose here. I don't think I'd ever have the courage to try to kill myself again, but even if I'm not capable of it, I still have to ask myself "What the hell is wrong with me?"
Maybe you won't understand what I'm trying to say. Maybe you won't understand why I feel like this. I don't really care. I've tried everything to feel better. Positive thinking, working out, being more active, being with friends, and all sorts of "positive" and "up-beat" things, but nothing works. Absolutely nothing. It's like a weight on my chest that never goes away, and I mean that literally, too. Sometimes everything just hurts when I start feeling like this again. Maybe it's unrelated. I'm not a doctor, so I don't know what's going on. I just know that I can't go on like this forever.
Another thing that's been bugging me is my dreams. I've been having the same nightmare for the past few days, and the more I see it happen, the more I think that people may be hiding something from me. Something very big that's really going to hurt me. At this point, it doesn't matter that much. I don't think I could feel any worse than this.
I'm sorry. For everything.
I miss you
Turned away into a thousand dreams
Found out what they mean
Lost you there in a moment of truth
I trust you
Gave away the one and only heart
A gift to tear apart
Stain me, save me
Take me to my home
Hold me, show me
Take me to my home
Weaker now, drawing fluid from me
You kill me
I'm not afraid of what you have just done
But of what you've just become
I got back from Alaska yesterday. I enjoyed myself, but honestly, there's too many bad memories attached to that place for me. This trip just added more bad memories to that list. Mike and Ish were with me, but I felt completely alone the whole time, even when I was with them.
I still have that same feeling. I don't know, everybody kind of has there own thing now, and I'm not apart of any of it. Everybody has their own lives and I've pretty much drifted away from all of them. For the time being, nobody really needs me. Do I care? Not really. Maybe this is how it was supposed to be.
I also mentioned once that life seems to go in patterns and the same things keep repeating themselves. I suppose that theory even pertains to me. When I was on the ship, I would look over the edge every once and a while and think "You know, Mom said if you fall off one of these ships, it takes about thirty seconds before you die, and there's no way to be saved...maybe that wouldn't be so bad." I don't know why I'm thinking like this again. I should feel thankful for everything I have and feel fortunate. I know that. But no matter how hard I try, I just feel empty. I don't feel like I'm serving any sort of purpose here. I don't think I'd ever have the courage to try to kill myself again, but even if I'm not capable of it, I still have to ask myself "What the hell is wrong with me?"
Maybe you won't understand what I'm trying to say. Maybe you won't understand why I feel like this. I don't really care. I've tried everything to feel better. Positive thinking, working out, being more active, being with friends, and all sorts of "positive" and "up-beat" things, but nothing works. Absolutely nothing. It's like a weight on my chest that never goes away, and I mean that literally, too. Sometimes everything just hurts when I start feeling like this again. Maybe it's unrelated. I'm not a doctor, so I don't know what's going on. I just know that I can't go on like this forever.
Another thing that's been bugging me is my dreams. I've been having the same nightmare for the past few days, and the more I see it happen, the more I think that people may be hiding something from me. Something very big that's really going to hurt me. At this point, it doesn't matter that much. I don't think I could feel any worse than this.
I'm sorry. For everything.