i am running out of subject lines
So one of the things going through my mind as the same time as all these genderfuck thoughts. I have the vague suspicion that the meta I read at the very beginning of my time at fandom is still affecting me in some ways, three years later. In this case, I'm almost sure, but not positive, that thete1's Porn Manifesto is what's driving my thoughts here. (If not, it was some other serious and thoughtful essay about porn and fanfiction that I read in early 2002, and i don't know who else that would be, if not Te.)
So one of the things that's always been in the back of my mind, then, when writing porn, has been the consideration that, hey: writing your own kinks can be really dangerous, dude. Fanfiction is about the characters, not about you, and that counts doubly so for porn; it's really easy to lose your characters if you're just doing it for what *you* like. Plus, the ickiness of being a reader and being able to play the "Okay, the author is getting off here, here, and *here*" game is ... not fun.
And, of course, conversely, you can get really good stuff out of trying to write specifically for someone else's kinks. There's porn I've written for brooklinegirl or estrella30 that is nowhere near my own buttons, but it's some of the best stuff I've written.
Anyway. When I say that if I tried to write "Ray turns into a girl" as a real story and not just these random thoughts and scenes, I think it might just turn out a mess. I'm not interested in the whole thing as a story enough to do it justice; I'm just interested in certain parts that make me flail and squeal. It doesn't particularly matter if these random snippets I'm posting are completely gratuitous, I don't think; that's kind of what random lj posts are for.
[Edited to add: actually, it strikes me that my thoughts on this really aren't porn specific -- I kind of have a vague fear of self-indulgence in general; porn is just one really easy example, in this case. But another would be, say, the kidfic. I'd written part of that story for my own satisfaction, and then abandoned it partly through because it felt completely self-indulgent to me. I would have never finished and posted that story if other people hadn't basically made me encouraged me very strongly. ]
That said, *cough*. I think Dief would totally adore Ray once he's turned into a woman. Dief is pretty much a sucker for ladies in general, it seems like. So Ray'd think that was a little weird, but it'd be kind of flattering, too. Cause it wasn't like Dief had hated him before or anything, they'd always had a kind of understanding, they liked each other, they were cool. But now it was like they were buddies, and Dief suddenly wanted to follow him around and sit by his feet and stare at him adoringly, not even like he wanted food or anything. He just liked him. Ray had a dog once, when he was in college, and okay, Dief wasn't a dog, and Dief was twenty times smarter than Spike had ever been, and twice as big, but it was still nice, it was still familiar, because Dief might be all mature and restrained and "I'm Not a Pet, I Am a Chosen Companion" with Fraser, but he lay next to Ray on the bed and let Ray scratch his ears and rub his belly and listen to Ray while he bitched about everything without interrupting and being logical and fair like Fraser always tried to.
It was nice. Kind of comforting.
P.S., it is possible I am using this icon solely to punish estrella30. HA. Also, Spes was telling me how she was talking to her friend about Twitch City, and the subject of CKR/Don McKellar RPS came up. Does anyone have links?
So one of the things that's always been in the back of my mind, then, when writing porn, has been the consideration that, hey: writing your own kinks can be really dangerous, dude. Fanfiction is about the characters, not about you, and that counts doubly so for porn; it's really easy to lose your characters if you're just doing it for what *you* like. Plus, the ickiness of being a reader and being able to play the "Okay, the author is getting off here, here, and *here*" game is ... not fun.
And, of course, conversely, you can get really good stuff out of trying to write specifically for someone else's kinks. There's porn I've written for brooklinegirl or estrella30 that is nowhere near my own buttons, but it's some of the best stuff I've written.
Anyway. When I say that if I tried to write "Ray turns into a girl" as a real story and not just these random thoughts and scenes, I think it might just turn out a mess. I'm not interested in the whole thing as a story enough to do it justice; I'm just interested in certain parts that make me flail and squeal. It doesn't particularly matter if these random snippets I'm posting are completely gratuitous, I don't think; that's kind of what random lj posts are for.
[Edited to add: actually, it strikes me that my thoughts on this really aren't porn specific -- I kind of have a vague fear of self-indulgence in general; porn is just one really easy example, in this case. But another would be, say, the kidfic. I'd written part of that story for my own satisfaction, and then abandoned it partly through because it felt completely self-indulgent to me. I would have never finished and posted that story if other people hadn't basically made me encouraged me very strongly. ]
That said, *cough*. I think Dief would totally adore Ray once he's turned into a woman. Dief is pretty much a sucker for ladies in general, it seems like. So Ray'd think that was a little weird, but it'd be kind of flattering, too. Cause it wasn't like Dief had hated him before or anything, they'd always had a kind of understanding, they liked each other, they were cool. But now it was like they were buddies, and Dief suddenly wanted to follow him around and sit by his feet and stare at him adoringly, not even like he wanted food or anything. He just liked him. Ray had a dog once, when he was in college, and okay, Dief wasn't a dog, and Dief was twenty times smarter than Spike had ever been, and twice as big, but it was still nice, it was still familiar, because Dief might be all mature and restrained and "I'm Not a Pet, I Am a Chosen Companion" with Fraser, but he lay next to Ray on the bed and let Ray scratch his ears and rub his belly and listen to Ray while he bitched about everything without interrupting and being logical and fair like Fraser always tried to.
It was nice. Kind of comforting.
P.S., it is possible I am using this icon solely to punish estrella30. HA. Also, Spes was telling me how she was talking to her friend about Twitch City, and the subject of CKR/Don McKellar RPS came up. Does anyone have links?
