(no subject)
My birthday was fabulous, there is no two ways about it...I am glad that everyone could make it out, and that we had such a fun time, or at least I did! Pizza was tasty and the weather was just perfect for a bonfire! Smores and cake topped it all off, and I was just glad that I could see so many people...First off, seeing my jackson-brother for the first time since only God knows when was just....I can't put it into words. I almost burst into tears when he walked up. I got a call from him, that cut out as he was saying he wasn't going to be able to make it, and then he pulled up in my driveway and I couldn't believe it. I can't believe I was so scared to go to see him. I couldn't head in that direction, and looking back I know how silly that has been. I don't know why I felt like I couldn't control how I felt about such situations, and it really upsets me that I spent a month home last Christmas and just refused to see him. Sometimes I am not such a thinker...Seeing my breathing buddy and Ms Emily was also nice, since I hadn't seen her in about a year, and she's always a treat, as is he. Seeing B, Mr. White, and Dave was also great--they are some of my favorite boys, and it is just so fun to spend time with them, and I am confused as to why I don't do so more often. They're so funny, and fun, and have such high energy, and I just appreciate their friendship so much. Then there were my girls, who I love. Britty all the way from her barn in E. Lansing, Ms K. Sue from the AA and my neighbor love. The Russian and Ness showed up to, along with Kevin, which was fun and I was thankful since they had been busy that night and had BIG plans Saturday! And who can forget the guest of honor, my b-day buddy Ms Jenn? Nothing is quite the same without her smiling face, and I am so glad we share a birthday, because there is no one I'd rather share it with, truth. Her sister also was there, as was mine later in the night. My favorite lil musician was there, too, and Mr. ZMF showed up, as well. Then there was a slew of Nikki's friends, who were also all fun. It was just such a fun night all around, I can't even begin to describe how much fun I had. I felt so blessed to have so many people come out and hang out! I am so glad that I could share my 20th with them all.
Now I feel so grown up, and I don't know what to do with myself. I am so happy that I had such a good birthday, but now it's like...wow. I am old! I am only 20, but I feel like I've come so far in the past three years, and I can't even handle how amazing it feels to be where I am in life. I am in a good place, I think, and I am ready for the changes which are quickly consuming me. Only a month and a half until I move away to Boston, and it's going by so quickly that I worry I'll wake up tomorrow and it'll be July 30th and I'll be moving. I love my east coast friends, but my Michigan friends are so close and dear to me, and I don't know what I am going to do without them. I miss them all the time, and I am not ready to be done with them. Not yet. I just am not....
I'm working on being okay with the fact that the future is going to be different, but as the realization that I am not going to be home next summer sinks in, and as I see people I haven't seen in a year or so are suddenly here and so amazingly comforting to be around, I am worried that August is too soon, and that I am not ready. I guess I just need to be praying as I figure out how I am going to make this transition. My Michigan friends are the sun and stars, they are what keeps me on the ground and keeps me a dreamer, what reminds me why I am where I am, they are my spirituality and my happiness, my sadness, my memories, my future, my heart, soul, and mind. They are everything I've wanted, and I am so happy to be surrounded with so many stupendous people. I just hope I do good enough this summer to show them all that....
Now I feel so grown up, and I don't know what to do with myself. I am so happy that I had such a good birthday, but now it's like...wow. I am old! I am only 20, but I feel like I've come so far in the past three years, and I can't even handle how amazing it feels to be where I am in life. I am in a good place, I think, and I am ready for the changes which are quickly consuming me. Only a month and a half until I move away to Boston, and it's going by so quickly that I worry I'll wake up tomorrow and it'll be July 30th and I'll be moving. I love my east coast friends, but my Michigan friends are so close and dear to me, and I don't know what I am going to do without them. I miss them all the time, and I am not ready to be done with them. Not yet. I just am not....
I'm working on being okay with the fact that the future is going to be different, but as the realization that I am not going to be home next summer sinks in, and as I see people I haven't seen in a year or so are suddenly here and so amazingly comforting to be around, I am worried that August is too soon, and that I am not ready. I guess I just need to be praying as I figure out how I am going to make this transition. My Michigan friends are the sun and stars, they are what keeps me on the ground and keeps me a dreamer, what reminds me why I am where I am, they are my spirituality and my happiness, my sadness, my memories, my future, my heart, soul, and mind. They are everything I've wanted, and I am so happy to be surrounded with so many stupendous people. I just hope I do good enough this summer to show them all that....