(no subject)
Growing up, my life was hell when it came to friendships. Someone has always been out to get me and destroy my life. I has so many panic attacks and missed so much school because of it. It wasn't until my 10th grade year that I started making real friends. I think that's' one of the reason I got so caught up in the gay community... for friendship, love, and acceptance. Anyway, I have always wanted a best friend and have tried multiple times, and did have two very close friends the end of my 12th grade year, but we kind of drifted apart during college.
Well, almost two years ago, I began car pulling with this kid from my class. We didn't know each other, but we had happened to go to high school together and he was three years younger than me. He was a youth minister and majoring in religion, and we often had disagreements about things. He is very selfish, greedy, and swears that God promised him he would be rich. That is his one goal in life, nothing else. He loves crowds and loves to be center of attention, and would often invite random people over and cook for them. For his birthday, he invited people we barely knew, only because he wanted it to be a big show.
Anyway, although we didn't have much in common, we would have a good laugh and had a good time together. We accepted each others differences. One thing that would get to me, though, is how he would conform to any social setting he was in. If they were bashing gays and blacks and using the n-word, he was right along with it.
Yesterday, we got into it because he is hung up on some girl singer from our area and she has been very mean to me and he continues to try to be her friend. He is planning on leaving his church and said he is having lunch with her and her boyfriend to help her boyfriend become the youth minister at his church. Of course, I'm thinking, "What about me?" A few more things happened, and later on he texted me just to let me know he went to eat with this other girl that doesn't like me much. He has NEVER done that. He has ALWAYS invited me to go everywhere. Then tonight this girl that really hates me and that I have told him not to bring around, posted on her facebook that she was having the best time with my friend and this other girl that he saw last night. It's like I'm in fucking jr. high all over again with this bullshit. It really upsets me, but at the same time, I know I don't need to be around someone like him.
I'm fed up with life. I talked to my mom today about seriously moving... Just need to figure out where to work. I've been depressed and staying in bed all day. I finally took a shower today. Been in my pjs for days. Ugh.
Well, almost two years ago, I began car pulling with this kid from my class. We didn't know each other, but we had happened to go to high school together and he was three years younger than me. He was a youth minister and majoring in religion, and we often had disagreements about things. He is very selfish, greedy, and swears that God promised him he would be rich. That is his one goal in life, nothing else. He loves crowds and loves to be center of attention, and would often invite random people over and cook for them. For his birthday, he invited people we barely knew, only because he wanted it to be a big show.
Anyway, although we didn't have much in common, we would have a good laugh and had a good time together. We accepted each others differences. One thing that would get to me, though, is how he would conform to any social setting he was in. If they were bashing gays and blacks and using the n-word, he was right along with it.
Yesterday, we got into it because he is hung up on some girl singer from our area and she has been very mean to me and he continues to try to be her friend. He is planning on leaving his church and said he is having lunch with her and her boyfriend to help her boyfriend become the youth minister at his church. Of course, I'm thinking, "What about me?" A few more things happened, and later on he texted me just to let me know he went to eat with this other girl that doesn't like me much. He has NEVER done that. He has ALWAYS invited me to go everywhere. Then tonight this girl that really hates me and that I have told him not to bring around, posted on her facebook that she was having the best time with my friend and this other girl that he saw last night. It's like I'm in fucking jr. high all over again with this bullshit. It really upsets me, but at the same time, I know I don't need to be around someone like him.
I'm fed up with life. I talked to my mom today about seriously moving... Just need to figure out where to work. I've been depressed and staying in bed all day. I finally took a shower today. Been in my pjs for days. Ugh.