Hell's boilin' over and heaven is full.
Someone needs to please ensure that this song is played at my funeral.
being home is the strangest fucking experience of my life. I feel like such a foreigner, which in and of itself is strange since I lived in this goddamned city for most of my formative years. Thjis, in turn, makes it feel even more foreign.
Fuck.
I've been pretty unhappy since I've been home- or not even, just...not even really there. I don't really feel anything but uncomfortable and sad and often want to cry at random and inappropriate moments.
Seeing people from the past feels like I'm doing Hope's Exboyfriends Tour 2006. This may be a contributing factor to the not feeling so hot.
My family is, if possible, even more rickety and insane than before- my brother has developed one hell of a sense of entitlement and a very solid idea that the sun does, in fact, shine out of his ass. This makes me sad. I don't know if me staying would have impacted this at all since it was certainly developing at the end of the Summer when I moved, but a very minute part of me is going "that's yer fault!" My parents, as well, seem to enjoy yelling and cursing at each other even more than they once did- a mean feat, to be sure.
Holy fuck this sucks.
I also haven't been eating or sleeping and have been drinking far too much. This si definitely not helping.
I am supposed to be relaxing and enjoying the holidays! Instead I am even more on edge and hate everything!
I want to go back to Vancouver with the crackwhores and yuppies- cool people from St. john's can come visit -me- for fuck's sake.
ARGH.
being home is the strangest fucking experience of my life. I feel like such a foreigner, which in and of itself is strange since I lived in this goddamned city for most of my formative years. Thjis, in turn, makes it feel even more foreign.
Fuck.
I've been pretty unhappy since I've been home- or not even, just...not even really there. I don't really feel anything but uncomfortable and sad and often want to cry at random and inappropriate moments.
Seeing people from the past feels like I'm doing Hope's Exboyfriends Tour 2006. This may be a contributing factor to the not feeling so hot.
My family is, if possible, even more rickety and insane than before- my brother has developed one hell of a sense of entitlement and a very solid idea that the sun does, in fact, shine out of his ass. This makes me sad. I don't know if me staying would have impacted this at all since it was certainly developing at the end of the Summer when I moved, but a very minute part of me is going "that's yer fault!" My parents, as well, seem to enjoy yelling and cursing at each other even more than they once did- a mean feat, to be sure.
Holy fuck this sucks.
I also haven't been eating or sleeping and have been drinking far too much. This si definitely not helping.
I am supposed to be relaxing and enjoying the holidays! Instead I am even more on edge and hate everything!
I want to go back to Vancouver with the crackwhores and yuppies- cool people from St. john's can come visit -me- for fuck's sake.
ARGH.