feeling emo
i got an email from one of the volunteers at bike farm saying that something i said violated our safe space policy, and it hurt me.
made me feel a bit sick inside, made me want to give up, and this strong reaction tells me that i am too close to bike farm. and i need to step back.
it's too much my baby, if i react this way. and yeah, i'm reacting also to what adam said, that my suggestion was hierarchical. something we say we're against at bike farm, or we say we don't have, or we say what? of course it exists. how can it not, the difference is that it's not set in stone,
it's not based on time spent there, or looks or money, or the dumb arbitrary shit people usually base hierarchy on, it's mostly based on effort placed into bike farm.
"Treating people different based on their level of ability violates our safe space policy." that's what was written back to me. sounds solid, in fact, the base of this statement is one of the biggest ideas i pushed at bike farm. cause i started out knowing nothing about bikes, and i didn't want to be judged on this. but what i was saying
"so, how do you want to address to the group that the build bikers are going to require a bit more hand holding, cause i think they will."
so treating people who know little about building up a bike more gently or caringly violates our safe space policy,
man, i want to fight this kind of naivety. i'm becoming conservative.
it's weird to feel it creep into me, in a similar way to how my dad said it would, buying the house has made a difference, dealing with bike farm and black star also. i've never been close to an anarchist, but now i just look at them funny and say to myself, really?
but i don't want to be conservative, i know i'm wrong in ways, and i hope bike farm can exist without the hierarchy,
i hope it will exist just fine without me,
it won't be the ccc,
i will have given bike farm a lot, and maybe if i go now, people will not talk shit on me like they did when ariel left,
yeah, it makes me feel a bit sick, like i'm breaking up with bike farm. and i'm watching it date some young dumb bitch who's cuter than me so i have to remind everyone that she's stupid to make myself feel better,
ha,
i wonder how bike farm will do without me, it reminds me of when ariel left, i should talk to her about it.
ok, i think i'm done for now,
made me feel a bit sick inside, made me want to give up, and this strong reaction tells me that i am too close to bike farm. and i need to step back.
it's too much my baby, if i react this way. and yeah, i'm reacting also to what adam said, that my suggestion was hierarchical. something we say we're against at bike farm, or we say we don't have, or we say what? of course it exists. how can it not, the difference is that it's not set in stone,
it's not based on time spent there, or looks or money, or the dumb arbitrary shit people usually base hierarchy on, it's mostly based on effort placed into bike farm.
"Treating people different based on their level of ability violates our safe space policy." that's what was written back to me. sounds solid, in fact, the base of this statement is one of the biggest ideas i pushed at bike farm. cause i started out knowing nothing about bikes, and i didn't want to be judged on this. but what i was saying
"so, how do you want to address to the group that the build bikers are going to require a bit more hand holding, cause i think they will."
so treating people who know little about building up a bike more gently or caringly violates our safe space policy,
man, i want to fight this kind of naivety. i'm becoming conservative.
it's weird to feel it creep into me, in a similar way to how my dad said it would, buying the house has made a difference, dealing with bike farm and black star also. i've never been close to an anarchist, but now i just look at them funny and say to myself, really?
but i don't want to be conservative, i know i'm wrong in ways, and i hope bike farm can exist without the hierarchy,
i hope it will exist just fine without me,
it won't be the ccc,
i will have given bike farm a lot, and maybe if i go now, people will not talk shit on me like they did when ariel left,
yeah, it makes me feel a bit sick, like i'm breaking up with bike farm. and i'm watching it date some young dumb bitch who's cuter than me so i have to remind everyone that she's stupid to make myself feel better,
ha,
i wonder how bike farm will do without me, it reminds me of when ariel left, i should talk to her about it.
ok, i think i'm done for now,