Am I Still Relevant?
I feel relevant.
But im just not sure...
I think people for the most part like the idea of me and what i represent. But at the heart of the matter, i think people resent me at times for being myself. Wow that came out much more conceded than i intended, but you know something, it's true. Even i think at times, i can't be this nice or this grateful or this compassionate. But i am. Sometimes to much so. But all i've ever been told by people who i love and respect is that i need not ever change, i need not ever adjust who i am to please others, i need not lose that little extra something, what the hell that is, that makes me special. Cause everyone has it. But it's like eye color, and differs ever so slightly from person to person.
Im not tired of myself anymore, im tired of everyone else. Im tired of people being spiteful for the sack of being bitter. Im tired of people being mean because they just don't give a shit. Im pissed off that ive found my inner confidence, enough so to believe in myself, but along the way, during this process, have lost faith in those around me. Lost faith in those females who may one day win my heart and affection. What's the point in being told you're amazing, if you don't legitimately have anyone in love with you? What is it about me that makes people smile and say " you deserve someone amazing, just don't look my way ". What is it about me that is revolting? What is it about me that is so despicable or uncouth that they need to make me feel like a piranha? If im so fucking amazing, and i believe it, and you believe it, why is it i can't find love? Not even true love, not even ever lasting love, but love at all? Why am i to be content with the love i already have instead of the love i want? Why is it i have to be patient and caring while others are impatient and insensitive AND YET are attracting everything and everyone i've ever or could ever want? Why is it, that assholes and d bags and total pieces of shit get second, third and fourth chances, when i can't get one? Why is it always unfair for me? What is wrong with me? And don't say nothing, cause there is.
Time for hockey.
Im tired of it all.
But im just not sure...
I think people for the most part like the idea of me and what i represent. But at the heart of the matter, i think people resent me at times for being myself. Wow that came out much more conceded than i intended, but you know something, it's true. Even i think at times, i can't be this nice or this grateful or this compassionate. But i am. Sometimes to much so. But all i've ever been told by people who i love and respect is that i need not ever change, i need not ever adjust who i am to please others, i need not lose that little extra something, what the hell that is, that makes me special. Cause everyone has it. But it's like eye color, and differs ever so slightly from person to person.
Im not tired of myself anymore, im tired of everyone else. Im tired of people being spiteful for the sack of being bitter. Im tired of people being mean because they just don't give a shit. Im pissed off that ive found my inner confidence, enough so to believe in myself, but along the way, during this process, have lost faith in those around me. Lost faith in those females who may one day win my heart and affection. What's the point in being told you're amazing, if you don't legitimately have anyone in love with you? What is it about me that makes people smile and say " you deserve someone amazing, just don't look my way ". What is it about me that is revolting? What is it about me that is so despicable or uncouth that they need to make me feel like a piranha? If im so fucking amazing, and i believe it, and you believe it, why is it i can't find love? Not even true love, not even ever lasting love, but love at all? Why am i to be content with the love i already have instead of the love i want? Why is it i have to be patient and caring while others are impatient and insensitive AND YET are attracting everything and everyone i've ever or could ever want? Why is it, that assholes and d bags and total pieces of shit get second, third and fourth chances, when i can't get one? Why is it always unfair for me? What is wrong with me? And don't say nothing, cause there is.
Time for hockey.
Im tired of it all.