(no subject)
i should write in this more; it would probably make me feel better.
i do journal some without sharing it with the world, but it tends to make me feel better to somehow just put it out there to the world. which is silly because most of what i write in this here is really, really stupid and whiny and trite. but it makes me feel better and that's what is important i guess.
i've been thinking about all sorts of important things lately, like how to work towards ally-ship in all parts of my life and what i can do to be gentler to the earth and how to be friends with people who i inherently do not understand and my dreams are so effing weird. those sorts of things.
but i still end up wanting to write about someone who i both miss terribly and want to yell at for just not fucking getting me. arg. i hate that. i hate when someone cuts you out of their life and you cannot do anything. you can't be mad at them for doing what is right for them, but not only does it hurt you not to talk to them, but all this other stuff you let slide when you were friends starts to get to you too. and...arg! and i want to talk and laugh and have fun, but also want to scream and shake them and tell them to snap out of the patriarchal binary system that is fucking you up and making it so we argued all the time anyway when we were friends. and i also want to know if they miss talking to me to and if they manage to move on will we ever be able to be friends again and there is so much i never asked you about pieces of your life that i still want to talk about and...
it feels like so many people have drifted out of my life by accident that it just feels so much worse when someone does it on purpose. and on my birthday, the fucker. but that was just a lousy coincidence not someone trying to be mean even if it did rain on my parade a little bit.
and now i have just spent the past week being depressed, probably because of stupid hormones fucking with my life and there is just over two weeks of classes and then finals and then freedom, but so much to be done in the meantime and what the hell, the hell... i cannot seem to get almost anything done at all. only the minimum and it isn't enough and my mind just rests on the petty because i cannot seem to focus on anything for long. i've probably been eating too much sugar and dairy and my adhd is going hay-wire, except i'm not physically bouncing off the walls, just my brain is bouncing around in my head never ending...
well, happy friday. hope whoever is reading this has monday off and has a great three-day weekend. i just have to make it through tomorrow and it'll be alright...
love.
i do journal some without sharing it with the world, but it tends to make me feel better to somehow just put it out there to the world. which is silly because most of what i write in this here is really, really stupid and whiny and trite. but it makes me feel better and that's what is important i guess.
i've been thinking about all sorts of important things lately, like how to work towards ally-ship in all parts of my life and what i can do to be gentler to the earth and how to be friends with people who i inherently do not understand and my dreams are so effing weird. those sorts of things.
but i still end up wanting to write about someone who i both miss terribly and want to yell at for just not fucking getting me. arg. i hate that. i hate when someone cuts you out of their life and you cannot do anything. you can't be mad at them for doing what is right for them, but not only does it hurt you not to talk to them, but all this other stuff you let slide when you were friends starts to get to you too. and...arg! and i want to talk and laugh and have fun, but also want to scream and shake them and tell them to snap out of the patriarchal binary system that is fucking you up and making it so we argued all the time anyway when we were friends. and i also want to know if they miss talking to me to and if they manage to move on will we ever be able to be friends again and there is so much i never asked you about pieces of your life that i still want to talk about and...
it feels like so many people have drifted out of my life by accident that it just feels so much worse when someone does it on purpose. and on my birthday, the fucker. but that was just a lousy coincidence not someone trying to be mean even if it did rain on my parade a little bit.
and now i have just spent the past week being depressed, probably because of stupid hormones fucking with my life and there is just over two weeks of classes and then finals and then freedom, but so much to be done in the meantime and what the hell, the hell... i cannot seem to get almost anything done at all. only the minimum and it isn't enough and my mind just rests on the petty because i cannot seem to focus on anything for long. i've probably been eating too much sugar and dairy and my adhd is going hay-wire, except i'm not physically bouncing off the walls, just my brain is bouncing around in my head never ending...
well, happy friday. hope whoever is reading this has monday off and has a great three-day weekend. i just have to make it through tomorrow and it'll be alright...
love.