I'm Thumbody
Yes, I am. It's the shirt I'm wearing today. It's got a blue thumbprint with a smiley face and John made fun of it today.
Anyway, the past few days have been pretty much insane. shiningglory has some of the drunken details. I got really drunk Friday, and then my birthday party was on Saturday night. Not everbody showed up who I would have liked... Someone had a date, two people (*cough*tylers*cough*) from my class didn't have an excuse for not coming, and another girl had another party and felt sick... but it was still very fun, especially considering everyone was an hour or more late and we thought no one would come at all. But... sigh.
Yesterday, for my birthday, I got up early after staying up past 4 for a music video shoot for another student's project. It was at Peter Greene's house. The song was from the Garden State soundtrack, "Let Go" by Frou Frou. I had to quickly memorize the lyrics so I could speak them. Ah, I love the song though, I almost started crying the first time I heard it.
I played the daughter in a family of four. The mom has left us and we're all separated and not talking, my brother is drugged up, I'm still waiting for mom to come back. My dad hangs himself, my brother is messed up and falls in the pool and dies, and I go out to the balcony on the cliff preparing to fall... Yeah, not depressing at all right? Heh, and the guy who played my brother looks a hell of a lot like Christian Kane. Sadly, he's not in my class, he's a one-year student but his roommate is one of the Tylers. A weird moment was when Peter said I was beautiful or something. Didn't feel like it, actually, I felt pretty crappy.
The weirdest birthday I've ever had. I didn't go anywhere else after I got home, I was going to but I was too tired and emotionally weird. So we watched Mean Girls and I fell asleep.
And today? Also emotionally weird. Class started off horribly. I was on time but almost everyone was late, so my teacher was pissed in the kind of way that you can't tell he's pissed at first. In most of my classes I've been fine regarding panic attacks, but not this one. Last week, I remembered the habit of getting stuck inside my head. I had one during an improv scene. Got locked up and shaky, then got up and apologized. So my teacher told me he thought I shouldn't act. I don't know if I've ever been that embarrassed, and if so I'm probably repressing it. I started crying and sat down and he started lecturing the class about stuff while I bit my nails to distract myself from crying. When we had a five-minute break I went in the bathroom and cried in the stall. I was scared to go back inside the room, so I paced around for a while and did so. I still felt horribly stupid and was failing at stopping myself from crying.
I started feeling better when Steve said he was being an asshole and to use the fire inside. So, I did. And I proved him fucking wrong and did the other scenes well and didn't have another fucking panic attack. And I say fuck a lot nowadays thanks to acting.
The next class (Cold Reading, our final taping) fucking rocked. We did commercials and scenes, some of which we've done before in class. I guess I did about 7 on tape. Heh, and I started singing and dancing in the hall and the parking garage, and saying "Fuck it." And in the elevator, we all recited a commercial loudly and when we got to floor five we got a compliment.
Ugh... I still have a lot of feelings bottled up right now that are unresolved, it's making me nauseous. Maybe it's from all the drinking... or maybe it's love.
Anyway, the past few days have been pretty much insane. shiningglory has some of the drunken details. I got really drunk Friday, and then my birthday party was on Saturday night. Not everbody showed up who I would have liked... Someone had a date, two people (*cough*tylers*cough*) from my class didn't have an excuse for not coming, and another girl had another party and felt sick... but it was still very fun, especially considering everyone was an hour or more late and we thought no one would come at all. But... sigh.
Yesterday, for my birthday, I got up early after staying up past 4 for a music video shoot for another student's project. It was at Peter Greene's house. The song was from the Garden State soundtrack, "Let Go" by Frou Frou. I had to quickly memorize the lyrics so I could speak them. Ah, I love the song though, I almost started crying the first time I heard it.
I played the daughter in a family of four. The mom has left us and we're all separated and not talking, my brother is drugged up, I'm still waiting for mom to come back. My dad hangs himself, my brother is messed up and falls in the pool and dies, and I go out to the balcony on the cliff preparing to fall... Yeah, not depressing at all right? Heh, and the guy who played my brother looks a hell of a lot like Christian Kane. Sadly, he's not in my class, he's a one-year student but his roommate is one of the Tylers. A weird moment was when Peter said I was beautiful or something. Didn't feel like it, actually, I felt pretty crappy.
The weirdest birthday I've ever had. I didn't go anywhere else after I got home, I was going to but I was too tired and emotionally weird. So we watched Mean Girls and I fell asleep.
And today? Also emotionally weird. Class started off horribly. I was on time but almost everyone was late, so my teacher was pissed in the kind of way that you can't tell he's pissed at first. In most of my classes I've been fine regarding panic attacks, but not this one. Last week, I remembered the habit of getting stuck inside my head. I had one during an improv scene. Got locked up and shaky, then got up and apologized. So my teacher told me he thought I shouldn't act. I don't know if I've ever been that embarrassed, and if so I'm probably repressing it. I started crying and sat down and he started lecturing the class about stuff while I bit my nails to distract myself from crying. When we had a five-minute break I went in the bathroom and cried in the stall. I was scared to go back inside the room, so I paced around for a while and did so. I still felt horribly stupid and was failing at stopping myself from crying.
I started feeling better when Steve said he was being an asshole and to use the fire inside. So, I did. And I proved him fucking wrong and did the other scenes well and didn't have another fucking panic attack. And I say fuck a lot nowadays thanks to acting.
The next class (Cold Reading, our final taping) fucking rocked. We did commercials and scenes, some of which we've done before in class. I guess I did about 7 on tape. Heh, and I started singing and dancing in the hall and the parking garage, and saying "Fuck it." And in the elevator, we all recited a commercial loudly and when we got to floor five we got a compliment.
Ugh... I still have a lot of feelings bottled up right now that are unresolved, it's making me nauseous. Maybe it's from all the drinking... or maybe it's love.