[Fic] 赤 for a Snowflake
Part 3
Natsu has his eyes set on Asako. She's talking to him while fixing the rehearsal room and arranging things that aren't hers. He likes watching her acting like a grown-up woman; all responsible and organized. But, no matter how much he likes being with her, Natsu doesn't feel emotionally attracted to her. She's attractive and nice and caring but he doesn't see himself falling for her. Three years. Natsu thinks he would have done something to get her in that span of time if he sees a future with her.
"I'm going to visit Ayase today," Asako says, her voice flows softly and sweet as honey. "Come with me. I told her about you and she's looking forward to meeting you, Natsu."
"Is she the child you're taking care of?" Natsu asks, grabbing the water bottle on the table in front of him. He opens it and drinks, loving how the coldness of the drink freshens up his mouth.
"Yes." Asako replies. She turns to face Natsu and smiles at him widely. "You'll love her!"
"I won't stay long." Natsu says, placing the empty bottle down on the table again. He reaches for his pocket and takes a pack of cigarette out. "I'm just outside if you need me."
"You'll get premature emphysema! Stop smoking, Natsu. It will damage your voice in the long run and-"
"I've already heard that," Natsu interjects, chuckling when Asako continues on telling him stuff about smoking and yet, despite Asako's protests, Natsu still excuses himself and smokes outside.
"Premature emphysema, huh" he repeats, taking a long hit of his cigarette, feeling it fill up his lungs and as he exhales, he watches the smoke from the tip of his cigarette curl and ribbon up towards the sky. He wishes for the smoke to bring him to some kind of a memory lane.
-
Looking at the man sitting on one of the chairs inside her room, Ayase silently wonders if she should offer him her comb to fix his mussed up hair or maybe ask him to sing her a song. It isn't everyday that she gets other visitors and this is the first time that Asako's brought someone along with her. Asako must have been tired of waiting of when she, Ayase, will be able to have a clean bill of health.
"Do you need anything?" Natsu asks when he could no longer stand the way the girl is looking at him.
Ayase shows off the smile she has reserved for her Kazu-nii. She's more charming like that, she knows. "No." She says politely. "I don't need anything, thank you."
Natsu nods and he starts counting in his head when will Asako be back. She went out to buy stuff for the little girl. Natsu offered to do it but Asako said that she's the one being paid to look after Ayase. Natsu doesn't understand women pretty well. He doesn't even understand his mother most of the time.
"Are you Asako-nee's boyfriend?" Ayase asks, gently clasping her hands in front of her.
"I'm not."
Ayase frowns and she doesn't have any idea that she only looks adorable in Natsu's eyes. "Then why are you with her?"
"We're friends." Natsu deadpans.
"Are you the singer?" Ayase inquires again and this time, she settles her doll between her legs.
"Yeah." Natsu answers and he pays the little girl an amused smile. "I'm the lead vocalist."
"Would you mind if I ask you to sing?" Ayase excitedly asks, looking at Natsu cutely.
Natsu refuses kindly, saying that his voice isn't in a good condition and the girl petulantly pouts. He knows he'll give up sooner than he really should. He laughs when she pouts some more, scowling slightly when Natsu's laughter echoes loudly in the room. Ayase smiles when she hears him laugh. He isn't so grumpy and serious and frightening after all.
"Do you know Kazu-nii?"
"Kazu-nii?" Natsu inquires.
"Kamenashi Kazuya-sensei," Ayase says, "Kazu-nii is my doctor, onii-san."
Maybe this is fate, is what Natsu thinks when the name finally sets in in his mind. Kamenashi Kazuya. He's the pretty doctor that comes and goes at the club.
It has become like some sort of a tradition to Kame to always makes sure to drop by at Ayase's room to say goodbye and tell her good night before he leaves work. Maybe he's biased but Kame doesn't actually do it because he's her doctor. It's because he feels emotionally attached to the charming little girl. Maybe it's because he wants her to know that he's just there if she needs anything and because he sees Jin in her, Kame wants to stay by her side the way he would have done for Jin back then. It still haunts him at night, painting the white snow in his dreams a vivid red.
Stopping by the door, Kame gently taps on the wood and opens it slowly when he hears Ayase's voice. "Good evening," he greets as soon as he's opened the door.
"Kazu-nii!" Ayase squeals when she sees him and she's all smiles at the young doctor. "Are you going home now?" Kame welcomes himself and tells Ayase yes. He doesn't see the man seated at the opposite side of the room. "Kazu-nii, meet my new onii-san." Ayase excitedly gestures at the man seated behind Kame.
Kame turns around then and he sees Natsu nodding at him, smiling a little and acknowledging his presence. Kame doesn't know what to say or how to react. It actually feels like his world is spinning wildly, unsettled like his heart.
"He's playing a song for me," Ayase says, as if she knows what's going on inside Kame's head. It only took her twenty minutes to persuade Natsu to play a song for her.
This is the first time Kame's seen Natsu up close with his guitar on his lap. He's used to watching him from afar, just listening to his voice and to his music, looking at him from a corner. Kame never really goes near the stage when he's at the club because watching Natsu in such a short distance makes Kame want to reach out, grab Natsu and shake him until he's back on track. Being far is the only way Kame knows how to suppress himself from doing just that.
Something about Kame beckons Natsu so he puts down his guitar and stands up. He holds a hand out to the young doctor when they're just a few feet away; close enough for Natsu to smell Kame's scent. He likes it. It's sweet, mild and a spicy all mixed into one and for some unexplainable reason, it brings him feelings of nostalgia.
"The name's Natsu," he says after a while, trying to focus on the man in front of him right now rather than trying to pick up Kame's scent. "I've seen you many times before but I had no idea that you work here, sensei."
Kame smiles a little but feels himself shaking from the tension. Jin. He's here. Jin. Kame swallows, collects himself up before taking Natsu's hand in his. Natsu's hand is way bigger than his, fingers elegantly long and familiar against his own.
"Kamenashi Kazuya," he replies and when Natsu's hold grows firmer, Kame realizes that he's missed the warmth of Jin's hand. He actually feels like something's blocking his throat and Kame feels like tearing up.
"Is there something wrong?"
"N-nothing." Kame stutters unexpectedly, shaking his head slightly. He let goes of Natsu's hand. "I have just remembered something."
"Is it a good memory or a bad one?" Natsu teases and he hears Ayase chuckle from behind Kame.
"Both." Kame says and he meets Natsu's eyes. There's tension between the two of them and Kame gets the feeling that Natsu feels it, too. There's always been that kind of spark between him and Jin, always. Kame's kind of glad it didn't disappear.
"Want to grab some drink? Vodka's good right now or we can have coffee instead. Whatever you like." Natsu says casually, trying to recover himself from being drawn into Kame. "We're both free now anyways."
Kame doesn't know why but he nods and they wait for Asako to return before leaving the hospital premises. Asako sends Natsu a message, inquiring about Kame, and Natsu replies with a smiley and a heart instead before he turns his mobile off. He knows Asako would call later on to ask more about Kame and he isn't in the mood to report whatever it is that he's doing.
Kame is stiff as he and the other walk along the hallway. Natsu seems fascinated in Kame's workplace because he keeps on asking Kame about how it feels working in a hospital so big and full of people. Kame thinks of something else to say but Natsu seems pressed on being the first one to talk.
It must be difficult being a doctor, huh?
It used to be.
Is it fun? Treating patients, I mean.
It's fulfilling. Is your mom a doctor?
No.
Is your dad a doctor?
No.
Any of your relatives a doctor?
None.
Then why?
Why what?
Why did you choose to be a doctor?
Because I promised to take care of someone.
What's his name?
Why do you ask?
I just want to know. So, what's his name?
It could be a her.
Haha! You're funny. I already asked Koki-kun about you.
Why?
Just because. So, who is that someone you want to take care of?
You.
Me? Why?
Never mind.
"Why would you want to take care of me?" Natsu insists on asking when they're the only ones left inside the elevator. He watches Kame through its mirrored walls but Kame is stubbornly refusing to look up to him. "I see you at the club, you know. You always come at midnight." Natsu says again, changing the topic since Kame refuses to answer his question.
"So? Doesn’t every regular customer do that?" Kame asks, aware that Natsu's decided to skip the topic. "Besides, it's where I buy my coffee when I'm on duty. I don't like the coffee they serve here. They’re too bland for my taste."
"You're the only one I remember who does that." Natsu says. "You buy your coffee and watch me sing and then you leave before I even have the chance to sit next to you and ask your name."
Kame looks up and he unexpectedly meets Natsu's eyes in the mirror. He feels suffocated. He sees Jin everywhere and it hurts, it hurts so much he wants to hold Natsu and kiss him, rough and hard, to make him ignore the pain. He knows he's strong but it all crumbles down whenever he has to deal with Jin. Natsu's looking at him with Jin's eyes and Jin's eyes always speak a thousand of emotions and Natsu has them now.
"Jin..."
"Jin?" Natsu repeats. "Did you just call me Jin?"
Kame blinks and realizes his slip. He sees confusion written all over Natsu's face when he stares at him again. "Oh, did I? I'm sorry." He chuckles nervously. "You just remind me of my friend, Jin."
"Why? Do I look like him?" Natsu asks, an amused smile is tugging on his lips.
Very much, is what Kame wants to say. "Yeah. Kind of."
"Anyway, why would you do that?" Kame diverts the topic. "Sit beside me, I mean."
"Hey, do you like Jin?" Natsu asks instead. They both seem to have interest on different things.
"Why do you ask?" Kame inquires, frowning slightly at the question and with the way Natsu addressed the topic casually.
"Because," Natsu says, pausing for a short while as he moves, stepping closer to Kame. Kame doesn't budge from where he is standing. He doesn't feel like moving at all and he's tired of always running away from something he really wants.
"Because?" Kame whispers when the other closes in on him. He could smell Jin and it makes him feel lightheaded but he wants to sink in to him and just stay there, enclosed in that warmth. He misses it so much.
"Because I like you, Kamenashi Kazuya."
Something about Kame sparks a small memory in Natsu's brain as they walk side by side towards the station and stops by the coffee shop. It feels like he used to have long walks with him before. It feels like this is a reality of a once distant memory. Natsu doesn't say anything though.
When they reach, they see Koki and Nakamaru working the shift and they smile at both Kame and Natsu with Koki throwing additional inquiring glances at the two of them. Kame raises a brow and he hears Koki chuckling, making a peace sign behind Nakamaru who's talking to Natsu. When Nakamaru asks, Kame orders his usual slice of cake and another for Natsu along with two coffees. He reaches for his wallet to pay but Natsu's hand slides on the counter and he sees a couple of bills there and all Kame is left to do is to say thank you to him. Natsu smiles and tells him 'you're welcome'.
"I didn't know you like your coffee the way I like mine." Natsu says after he's heard Kame give special instructions Nakamaru on how he wants his coffee. Kame always makes it a point to say what he likes even if Nakamaru and Koki already know his preference.
"I got the habit from someone." Kame says.
"And that someone is Jin isn't it?" Natsu just has to ask, wondering in silence where this Jin is now. What has happened to them?
Kame shrugs his shoulders in reply, picking up the tray with their orders on it and Natsu leads their way to Kame's favorite spot. He's seen Kame enough to know where he likes to sit.
"Why do you like sitting in this corner?" Natsu asks when they have settled down.
Kame stirs his coffee in a slow manner, just like the way he does when he's teasing Jin in the past. "It's quiet here," he answers. He doesn't tell Natsu that they like that corner seat because they're away from the eyes of others but could see everyone very well. They like it there because betting on whether Jin could kiss Kame in the cafe or not has become one of Jin's favorite games when they were younger.
It is a clear Sunday evening and Natsu could see the flower shop across the cafe full of crocuses and tulips. A gentle breeze blows, softly rustling the hems of young girls’ coats walking on the street. Folding his hands behind his head, he slouches a little and watches Kame as he slowly yet eagerly devours his cake. From the small speakers on the ceiling of the coffee shop, a mellow song echoes softly in his ears. He closes his eyes and the clatter of the cups and saucers sound like the roar of a far-off sea. The fifth season - he wonders what a fifth season would be like.
-
They've constantly went out since that day and yet, the thought of meeting Kame again thrills Natsu, finding it hard to concentrate. He feels as though he is standing alone on the summit of a hill, the wind swirling around him. He settles himself down on his couch and lights a cigarette. He takes a long hit, feels the surge of nicotine in his being before releasing a thread of white smoke. Stare as he might at the piece of paper in front of him, not a single sentence comes to him. He then gives up, crumples the paper and throws it away randomly, lying down in his room, and a cigarette dangling from his lips, he gives himself up to some aimless musings.
He thinks of Kame. The thought of seeing Kame has him worked up. When he's beside him, Natsu feels a strong urge to always want to touch him and that's a bit different from a yearning.
Sighing, Natsu gazes up at the ceiling and takes a hit from his cigarette. It's pretty strange if he thinks about it. Wanting to always be with the same person is something that has never happened to him before. He can't wait to see Kame again.
-
It is a cold evening like most nights are lately. The sky is a dark purple and near the horizon, the orange and yellow of the sunset is barely visible. Natsu has just finished practicing with his band and has decided to take Kame out for a walk downtown. He just feels like spending time with Kame and the urge gets stronger every day. Kame's a great company, completely different from the people in his world but Kame never fails to set his mind free. He feels relaxed whenever Kame's around.
"I wish winter days aren't so cold," Natsu says, breathing into his freezing bare hands. "The lights are so beautiful and so is the snow. We could make a snowman if only we had gloves or something. Being out in a night like this would be so much more fun if we could play around."
Kame looks down at the older man and stares at his own hands. Without any words, he removes his left mitten, handing it to Natsu.
"What's this for?" Natsu asks.
"You were saying something about having gloves." He says, keeping a straight face.
"I've a better idea." Natsu says excitedly and wears Kame's mitten on his left hand then slipping his right in Kame's left. Kame gives him a confused stare. Then, with his mitten covered hand, Natsu points to a nearby couple that's walking in their side of the street. "The woman has no problem with her lover trying to keep her warm."
Kame shifts his eyes from Natsu's hand to the couple, sees them all cozy and comfortable keeping each other warm by staying close together.
Kame then looks away, fidgets. "But she's a girl and he's a guy. It's okay for them to do that."
Natsu frowns, holding their hands up for Kame to see. "Would you only let me do this if I was a girl?" he makes sure to sound aggravated at the thought.
Kame continues to not meet the older man's eyes but doesn't pull away.
"You don't have to worry about that," he hears Natsu say, their hands back in the space between them. "Because there aren't supposed to be any boundaries whether you're a man or a woman."
"It's just that I'm not very comfortable with what people are going to think." Kame says. "It isn't good for your image, too. You want to be famous, remember?" He chuckles lightly.
"Let them think what they want." Natsu replies confidently, tightening his grip on Kame's hand. "I'm happy and this feels good to me and that's all that matters." Natsu grows happier when Kame grips his hand tighter as well. "Now, let's go and buy Ran-chan her food." Kame holds back a laugh but fails.
Kame and Natsu becomes closer as day passes and Natsu finds himself liking Kame more and more. However, the feelings Kame has for Natsu isn't something foreign. They've long been there and growing deeper. Finally, he's able to touch him, feel Natsu, which Kame thought would only remain to be a dream.
-
When Natsu comes to the shop, he immediately takes his seat on the piano seat, opening the lid immediately the minute he's comfortable. Today has been boring since Kame is busy at work and he knows better than to provide Kame distraction. Natsu couldn't help but smile as Kame's image stays in his mind. Spending his days with Kame, Natsu gets the feeling that he's much happier than before. It feels like something clicked in its right place. It feels like they belong.
Wanting to play, Natsu closes his eyes then as his fingers press down on the keys. He plays a melody that he already knows by heart. It's a music he never really forgets and he remembers it being something he's composed on his own a long time ago.
He comes to a stop when he hears Junno humming the tune. Natsu focuses his attention on Junno and it makes him frown for he hasn't released the music in public, even his bandmates don't know about it but Junno does and he doesn't stop humming even if Natsu's long stopped playing the piano.
"Why...?"
"Why what?" Junno frowns at the question, looking at Natsu.
"Why do you know my song?" Natsu asks, eyes inquiring. "How?"
"Kame-chan plays that every time he comes here." Junno replies, moving to the side to take care of a violin.
"Kame?"
"Kamenashi Kazuya. He's just like you." Junno says. "He comes here to play that piano.”
“Why?” Natsu wonders. Kame has never told him that he plays the piano. He doesn't even know that Kame's familiar with this place. Why does it feel like there's something deeper about Kame that he needs to know; Everything is too much of a coincidence and Natsu knows better than that. This isn't some kind of a game that Natsu's a master of. But it is getting interesting, and a whole lot more confusing.
“I’ve no idea. He just says he likes that piano.” Junno answers, placing the violin back in its place. He reaches for an oboe next and scrunches his face upon seeing fingerprints there. “I don't get you guys.” He says, polishing the instrument in his hands. “Seriously, go buy the piano if you want it. Tat-chan and I need a source of income, too, you know."
"Does he always come here?" Natsu asks.
"Every Wednesdays except when he's at work. He's a doctor so he has extremely busy days, you know?" Junno informs and catches a glimpse on the calendar beside him. "Ah! Come to think of it, you're always here on Wednesdays, too!" He exclaims and Natsu doesn’t even realize that.
-
Kame has heard other guitar players play before but no one has played the way Natsu plays. Beneath Natsus’s nimble fingers, the strings vibrate with a strange, pulsating rhythm that makes his heart beat faster. Natsu's playing a music that makes Kame's feet tap on the floor along with the beat. Then, in a sudden, the tempo changes and the music becomes incredibly wistful and so sad that the guitar itself seems to be crying.
“Sing with me, Kame," Natsu says to Kame lightly, peering at him through his dark lashes.
Singing with Jin used to be his past time but with Natsu, Kame feels a bit off, shy and awkward and Kame needs to remind himself that Natsu has confessed to him so he shouldn’t be feeling like this before he is able to close his eyes and sing along to Natsu’s music. For some reason, Kame's voice always finds a way to blend well with that low, emotional voice that echoes along with his as they sing. And just like before, Kame likes the way they sound until now. What Kame isn't aware of is that, in Natsu's head, Natsu sees himself playing a guitar inside a music room and there is a beautiful boy sitting across him, smiling softly as his eyes shine brightly.
The music never stops and they didn't stop singing as well. Their eyes meet at times and their lips curl into a serene smile afterwards. It is the first of many, many nights when Kame sings while Natsu plays and everything seems perfect and permanent.
-
Natsu has finally come to visit his family. They are all happy and excited to spend time with him and Natsu doesn't get it but lately, everything seems to trigger something in his memory.
He doesn't tell anyone about his discovery. They are from his dreams, fragments of memories that he apparently has forgotten. It all happened fast as he wakes up today and Natsu is able bring the pieces together. They're not clear but he has a good idea of what's really going on.
Natsu has dreamt of them again. Jin and Kazuya running down a street and talking in way lovers do. He's dreamt of intimate moments where Jin and Kazuya are whispering, so close together and Natsu feels like a voyeur watching them inside his head, listening and feeling them. His dreams tell him that it's a part of him. Natsu gets up from his bed and walks toward his mother's room. Of all the people around him, he's sure that his mother knows everything. He hopes she wouldn't hide the truth from him. Coming to a stop, he sees light peeking through the gap between the door and the floor. He knocks gently on the wood before coming in.
"J- I mean Natsu, why are you still up?" she asks, a bit surprised upon seeing her son. He doesn’t usually come to her room, especially when it’s night time. She casually hides the photographs of her eldest son under her pillow when he looks at her hands. "Natsu?"
His mother's voice is sweet and gentle and he misses talking to her. It feels like a long time since he's last heard her comforting voice. Natsu seats on the edge of her bed, curious.
"What are you looking at, mom?"
"I was just looking at your old pictures." She says.
"You miss me, don't you, mom?" He teases, unaware of the fact that his mother is longing to have her eldest son back. She has missed him a lot and it breaks her apart whenever she sees Natsu because she knows, she feels, that he has been missing out on a lot. During the past days, she watches him as he sleeps. He doesn't look peaceful; no, not at all.
"Of course." She answers. "All the time, honey. Do you need anything?"
Natsu shakes his head. "I just came by to say that I'm home," he says. "I think I owe it to you to be the first to know."
"Thank you. But I already know that." She replies softly. "You've been here since three days ago." She laughs.
"No, mom." Natsu fidgets like a child. He takes a deep breath before looking up to her. She's still beautiful but he couldn't deny the fact that she looks weary. She must have been getting tired of waiting, getting old from worrying about him. "I'm really home now. I'm sorry it took me a while." He smiles a little and does something only Jin does. He kisses her on her forehead.
When he looks at her again, her face is streaked with tears. She's fighting back her sobs but couldn't and he hears her letting go of her pain as her anguished voice calls out his name.
"Jin," she's crying but she's happy and her heart feels like it's going to burst. "Jin." She opens her arms for her son and he comes to her, feeling her warmth wrap around him to take his worries and insecurities away.
When his mother has calmed down, Jin asks her the details about his past, of what had happened to him. She tells him about the car accident and of the operation he has undergone. Jin hears her voice tremble recalling the past events but she doesn’t stop. She knows Jin needs to know them, especially when Jin asks her of why he’s living as Natsu. She tells him that everyone who knew him thought that he's already dead and that they kept it a secret between the family to avoid further questions and unnecessary stress to everyone, especially to Jin. The day Jin had an accident, the doctors themselves couldn't be sure of his condition and have decided, along with Jin's parents, to transfer him to a more fitting environment for observation. He has stayed in the critical care unit for three weeks before he finally woke up. The month after that became one of his mother's worst memories.
“Jin's memories confused you. Jin has so many dreams, has so many things going on in his life when the accident happened and some of his memories caused you a lot of pain." She tells him concisely. "Most of the time, we wake up because you're crying and screaming in the middle of the night. You're calling for Kazuya, as if he's life is in danger. It was horrible." She shivers with the memory. They remain vivid in her mind and it's agonizing to watch, knowing that her son is suffering. His subconscious has been stuck at a point where all he sees create feelings of dread, fear and pain. The memory, repeating over and over in his head, became too painful for him to bear and it hurts her every time she wakes up to Jin like that.
“What did you do then?” Jin asks. He's sure that it's been hard for his mom to see him like that, having no total control of himself and a total wreck.
"We tried to calm you down but you wouldn't. Sedatives worked but I couldn't stand watching you like that; one minute you're wildly thrashing and the next you're limp as a wilted plant. It breaks my heart whenever I see you like that but I could only watch. I don't exactly know what to do." She tells him and the past runs inside her head, taking over her and consuming her. They are her scars and she never wants to see them again, doesn't want to remember them even. “So your father and I made a decision to give you a new start and you became Natsu. As Natsu, you are still Jin but without those painful memories to haunt you. Jin couldn't let go of them, of Kazuya as he's constantly trying to have him back. Jin couldn't move on and it only worsened your health. Since we didn't know who Kazuya is, the doctors gave us an alternative and we decided to clear your mind through a kind of hypnosis to make you forget about this Kazuya.”
"It's terrible, I know, and I'm so sorry, Jin." She says softly but firmly, holding both of her son’s hands in hers, gripping them tighter as she apologizes.
"I understand, mom.” Jin tells her because he really does. His mother doesn't have a cruel heart and Jin knows that what she did is something that would yield better outcomes. “If you didn't make that decision, I'm sure that all of us would be suffering for a long time, who knows?"
"I only did what I think was best for you at that time. I never really wanted to erase your memories. They're what made you who you are." She says. "We know that you, living as Natsu, would be temporary. The doctors said that your memories would find a way out no matter how long the years you've forgotten about them. They said that anything can trigger your memories and that once it starts, you would begin to remember. Living as Natsu is like living a lie and I’m really sorry we made you go through that, honey."
"I’m all right, mom. Don’t worry about it anymore.” Jin assures her, smiling a little at her. He sees her tears and he wipes them away. He understands it all and Jin couldn't find it in him to be mad at them for the decision they made. Still, the truth didn't take all of his insecurities away. Knowing that he used to have a different past makes him feel scared and he doubts that he would remember them all.
“Actually, I've been having flashbacks before but they got stronger since I joined the band." He tells his mother. He knows she'll listen. He knows she wants to hear about them. "I never thought of them as my actual memories since they are just like cracks in my head when they appear and I mostly just dream of them." He continues. "I'm starting to remember him a bit more clearly now though. Kazuya, I mean."
"Then I'm happy for you. You still didn't let go of the person you cared about the most." She tells him, more than happy for her son. “Kazuya must be someone really special.” Natsu chuckles at the teasing tone in her voice. She's teasing but relief is written all over her face. Jin's starting to have his memories back and that's all that matters now.
"I'm looking forward to meeting this Kazuya." She says, smiling through yet teary eyes again. She looks at Jin and sees his eyes clouded with what seemed like doubt and fear. She could almost taste his uncertainty. “Let him know,” she tells him, ruffling his hair gently, just like the way she used to when Jin was just a boy and has no idea of what he has to do. “Kazuya deserves to know that you’re back, Jin.”
-
The colour of his ceiling is eggshell and his eyes are already tired from staring at it. Jin stretches on his bed, thinking about Kame, trying to force himself to remember more about his relationship with Kame. But, no matter how many times he tries, he always reaches an end point and it frustrates him to know that that is all he could remember.
He’d remember it all in a minute, Jin tells himself, fighting back a surge of panic so strong it makes him feel nauseated. Eventually, with only blurry memories in his head, his eyelids feel like dead weights and they close against his will, shutting him away from the world of the living.
-
"How long have we been together?”
"What?" Kame asks as if the other has just asked him why the sun shines during the day. They’re seated under a cherry tree; bundled up in their winter coats, mittens and scarves. Flakes of snow fall down on their hair as they watch the sunset. Kame watches random people pass them by, smiling when a child’s voice, singing a Christmas carol, echoes in his ears as he hands the other a cup of warm green tea. Asako and the others left early, saying something about last minute shopping and meeting old friends. Kame likes the band. They are all very warm and welcoming. True, they could get quite rowdy and loud and they could also give you the feeling that they don't care but it's cool for him because they are different from Kame's colleagues. They are screaming freedom and passion. They all feel like a breath of fresh air to Kame.
"Us." Jin says, staring at the clear liquid inside the cup in his hands. The warmth of the tea and smell of tea leaves soothe his already freezing nose. “How long have we been together?”
"Three weeks."
"Not that." Jin says.
“Then what? I don’t think I understand what you’re trying to say.” Kame replies, sipping on his own cup.
“I know now," Jin says softly.
"Know what?"
Then, Jin reaches behind him and takes something out of his bag, placing it in front of Kame. It’s the small black box he has sitting inside his closet. He was the one who had it delivered to Jin's house a few days after he's found - stalked - him. Staring at it, Kame’s heart skips and he feels it sink to the pits of his stomach.
“These things,” Jin says, “tell me about them.”
Kame looks at the other only to see Jin. Natsu’s still there, barely a shadow, but Kame could grasp more of Jin than Natsu and he sees Jin’s eyes. They’re gentle, asking for answers and Kame couldn’t find it in him to refuse Jin’s silent plea. Kame knows there's nothing else to do but give Jin what he needs. He doesn't cry, don’t need his tears to fall now because Jin is finally here with him but a few still escape his eyes and he wipes them away as quickly as he could. He clears his throat as well.
Jin watches as Kame reaches for the clasp on his nape, removing a small key from the chain of his necklace. Kame hesitates and draws a labored breath, he frames all his thoughts and emotions that are warring inside his head as he inserts the key in the box’s keyhole and Jin see things unravel in front of his eyes. Inside the box lay things Jin has no memories of but should have.
"How much do you know?" Kame asks in a low voice.
"Enough to know what happened about me and that we're a couple in the past."
"I see." Kame almost whispers as he fumbles for the things inside the box. The first thing that Kame picks up is a half-empty bottle of shampoo. He opens the cap and it smells of vanilla, of something sweet and spicy, like cinnamon.
“You came to the batting center where I play and gave me this.” Kame says. “You like its scent so much in my hair. You said that I smell unique." He tells Jin and memories of them cuddling or just laying side by side together fill his head. Jin used to bury his face in his hair. Kame could still remember the long, satisfied sighs that come from Jin. Unknown to Kame, Jin has the hazy feeling that the scent is familiar to him. Jin concentrates on the feeling, trying to force it to take shape and reveal itself, but nothing happens.
The next thing Kame picks up is a used guitar pick. He tells Jin that he use it every time Jin feels like teaching him how to play the guitar and Jin can see himself doing just that. The third is a cover of a book. It has a turtle drawn in red crayon on it and a memory of them under a tree flashes in Jin’s mind.
“I think I remember that one,” Jin says and Kame looks at him with hopeful, inquiring eyes.
“Actually, you drew this to annoy me.” Kame says but his voice is gentler than the swaying of the leaves above their heads. He hands Jin the paper and he watches as Jin’s index trace his drawing, as if he’s rummaging through a special jar full of memories.
“This is good,” Jin says. “This feels familiar.”
The fourth is an old baseball. “Why a baseball?” Jin asks.
“I like baseball.” Kame replies. “It’s my favorite sport. I excel at it, too.”
“Why do I feel like you’ve thrown a baseball at me? Or something like that.”
“Your memories are messed up, remember?” Kame laughs. “And no, I didn’t do such a thing.”
“Liar.” Jin chuckles. “Your eyes say otherwise."
“Hmm? Why my eyes?” Kame asks.
“They’re bright.” Jin answers. “You are happy.”
“You know, you used to look at me as if you know everything that’s going on inside me. I didn’t know you were that attuned to me until you started telling me how I feel by looking at my eyes.” Kame says, releasing a quiet exhale as his mind wanders off to their past. “You were the only person who really knew me.”
“I’m sorry that I forgot about you.” Jin’s voice is quiet and Kame could sense the insecurity there and it makes Jin look fragile in his eyes. “I tried to remember everything but right now, all I know is that we used to be together. However, I don’t remember the details as much as I’d like to.”
“It’s all right.” Kame says, placing his hand gently over one of Jin’s. “You’ll remember them in the future. Don't be too hard on yourself."
When Kame assures him of that, Jin falls in a state of calmness and they are comfortable like that. Jin likes it as much as Kame does. There's no awkwardness and they both don't really need it to be there, especially when it feels as if they’re in the past, reliving their old times as Kame starts telling Jin stories of their past. Jin listens attentively; trying to find familiarity in every detail Kame has said only to find himself lost in Kame’s memories. Kame is overjoyed and excited as he speaks, never slowing down for Jin. When he ends his story, it is Jin who picks up the fifth object that’s inside the box. It’s an old photograph of them together. Jin couldn’t help but notice their smiles that seem endless and even in the photograph, Jin could say that they are genuinely happy. Their faces look serene and content. Jin eyes the right bottom part of the photograph and smiles when he sees the names messily written there.
Jin and Kazuya, it reads.
“We look good together.” Jin teases and he hears Kame snort. “What? You don’t like us?”
“Have more tea.” Kame just says, pouring more tea on Jin's cup but he has butterflies in his stomach and he feels like a silly school girl. Jin could make him feel pretty stupid at times. He always could.
Looking at Kame, Jin sees his cheeks a bit flushed but he doesn’t say anything else. Instead, he moves closer to Kame to hold Kame’s hand. This time, he’s the one holding Kame and it brings him warm feelings, warmer than the tea or his thick layers of clothing and Kame feels good. Kame is familiar.
“I'm home, Kazuya.” Jin whispers, intertwining their fingers together amidst the thickness of the mittens.
Kame looks at Jin and he smiles, gripping the hand that’s holding his gently. "Welcome back, Jin." It comes out as a whisper because the words, especially Jin’s name, get caught in his throat, finding it difficult not to tear up. His heart, however, feels light as a feather. Kame feels alive again.
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Part 4