Horse!Sam's Show Report...
Well, at least we were consistent. Rocksalt Sam began the day with a major tantrum in the warm-up yard. By lunch he was going for full insertion of Head Up Ass. Two o’clock found us executing an impressive and enthusiastic gallop around our final class… when the judge had politely requested a walk on a long rein.
*facepalm*
Somehow, we came out of this debacle with six ribbons. The results were as follows, for those of you fangirls out there who’ll have a clue what I’m on about… *points to the few*
6th in our Breed Class. Not bad for an old fart with a gammy leg.
4th in my Handler Class. A bee flew into the judge’s eye, causing temporary blindness. This is the only sane explanation for me receiving a placing.
3rd in my Rider Class. This was possibly awarded for the sheer grit I demonstrated in not coming off my batshit crazy steed, despite the fact that he was clearly possessed upset and needed to be shot.
3rd in Hack over 16hh. H came first in this and she did an awesome workout. P came second, and she also did an awesome workout. Rocksalt Sam performed a perfect half-pass, which would have been GREAT, if either the judge or myself had asked for one. Or if it had been - I don’t know - not straight into a fence. *headdesk* But his performance was slightly less psychotic than the rest of the whackjobs the other people were riding. \o/ So, yeah. Third.
3rd in Ladies Hack over 16hh. See detail for Handler’s Class above. By this stage his noodle was utterly fried. I agree with D's assertion that there was nothing about Rocksalt Sam’s behavior or my language that had any business near ladies. In retrospect, I can see why that woman clapped her hands over her kid’s ears as we cantered past the fenceline. Sideways. Fucker.
3rd in Pleasure Hack over 16hh. We gave up after this class, which I deemed to be a roaring success when we managed to gallop in a STRAIGHT LINE for almost five seconds in a row. Which doesn’t sound that long, but when you’re thundering along on a testy bastard who weighs 600 kg… trust me. It’s plenty long enough. I called it a win and bailed.
Lessons? Moral of the story? Um… ride your freakin’ horse the week before the show, peoples. And don’t get a thoroughbred. They are universally cracked and completely without. Get yourself a nice push-button pony. Or better still, a My Little Pony.
Also? I am a bit behind on comments. *grimaces* Bear with me. I’m gettin’ there.