In case you did not know, I love italics.
Here's something that people might or might not know. Anne has a boyfriend. She's been madly in love with this new guy since new year's eve where they met. She obviously can't get him out of her head in fact. He seems to be a really nice guy and the fact that he's nice to Alex is all that I need to hear.
How does that affect you? It's the question I know everyone would want to ask and it's the reason why I did not really talk about her new relationship to most people I know. The short answer is that I feel fine. Really I do. The long story is that I feel uneasy whenever someone is surprised by that answer as if they want me to be sad. I guess this bothers me too because up to a certain point, I agree with that sentiment. It does not feel normal sometimes and I do wonder if something is going to eventually crack. I know I've made great progress since the split but I've also come to figure out that certain things that make me feel comfortable are often disguises for other things I don't want to think about or maybe don't want to admit to myself. But no, I'm fine with it. I knew it would happen eventually. I was more than ready for this. I could even say that I did not put much thought to it later on. I'll even say that I'm glad it's him and not a certain someone else.
Thankfully my relationship with Anne has not changed since then. She keeps calling me (more often lately in fact) and keeps asking me questions about dating and relationships. Just like me she feels quite out of the loop and needs guidance from the opposite sex. After a while she started thinking it was probably an incredibly bad idea on her part to do this, but that's Anne for you. She's full of good intentions but might not always act appropriatly so I'm used to it. We had coffee the other day where I had to reassure her she did not cross borders that bothered me, but she did slack off a bit on the boyfriend talk (with great difficulty).
I guess I'm somewhat jealous. Not of Anne, but for Anne. I keep telling myself I don't want another girlfriend but that's a lie. I believe the truth is that I want the best of both worlds! I'm constantly attracted to women who are ready to date and end up chocking when I have to do something about it. I'm very happy with this new found liberty that I have. I can do whatever I want whenever I want and I needed that more than I cared to admit. At the same time I would love the company of a woman that shares even more similarities with me. The more I look around, the more I see new possibilities. There ARE geek women out there that love video games just as much as they love art in any shape or form (ultra bonus points if you actually DO some of it). There ARE wisecracking girls that can make me laugh just as much as how I feel can do the same to others. There ARE girls that live for steaks and beer. I could go on.
So as I keep saying, I'm in no hurry to rush things. I don't think I have what it takes to fool around with emotions that I don't have to spare when I know very well things would not really last long - unless explicitly stated otherwise - and I'm quite curious to know what the next girl will be like. I guess I'm bummed out by the time table. I don't feel like being patient. I'd like to know that things could happen when the time will come where I feel ready.
On a final note (grats if you read all that emo shit). Anne tried to play the match up game with me and a coworker of hers. The coworker refused saying that I looked fat and ugly. She got mad at her in an instant, felt insulted and told her straight in her face that she was passing up on something amazing. I'm gloating :)
How does that affect you? It's the question I know everyone would want to ask and it's the reason why I did not really talk about her new relationship to most people I know. The short answer is that I feel fine. Really I do. The long story is that I feel uneasy whenever someone is surprised by that answer as if they want me to be sad. I guess this bothers me too because up to a certain point, I agree with that sentiment. It does not feel normal sometimes and I do wonder if something is going to eventually crack. I know I've made great progress since the split but I've also come to figure out that certain things that make me feel comfortable are often disguises for other things I don't want to think about or maybe don't want to admit to myself. But no, I'm fine with it. I knew it would happen eventually. I was more than ready for this. I could even say that I did not put much thought to it later on. I'll even say that I'm glad it's him and not a certain someone else.
Thankfully my relationship with Anne has not changed since then. She keeps calling me (more often lately in fact) and keeps asking me questions about dating and relationships. Just like me she feels quite out of the loop and needs guidance from the opposite sex. After a while she started thinking it was probably an incredibly bad idea on her part to do this, but that's Anne for you. She's full of good intentions but might not always act appropriatly so I'm used to it. We had coffee the other day where I had to reassure her she did not cross borders that bothered me, but she did slack off a bit on the boyfriend talk (with great difficulty).
I guess I'm somewhat jealous. Not of Anne, but for Anne. I keep telling myself I don't want another girlfriend but that's a lie. I believe the truth is that I want the best of both worlds! I'm constantly attracted to women who are ready to date and end up chocking when I have to do something about it. I'm very happy with this new found liberty that I have. I can do whatever I want whenever I want and I needed that more than I cared to admit. At the same time I would love the company of a woman that shares even more similarities with me. The more I look around, the more I see new possibilities. There ARE geek women out there that love video games just as much as they love art in any shape or form (ultra bonus points if you actually DO some of it). There ARE wisecracking girls that can make me laugh just as much as how I feel can do the same to others. There ARE girls that live for steaks and beer. I could go on.
So as I keep saying, I'm in no hurry to rush things. I don't think I have what it takes to fool around with emotions that I don't have to spare when I know very well things would not really last long - unless explicitly stated otherwise - and I'm quite curious to know what the next girl will be like. I guess I'm bummed out by the time table. I don't feel like being patient. I'd like to know that things could happen when the time will come where I feel ready.
On a final note (grats if you read all that emo shit). Anne tried to play the match up game with me and a coworker of hers. The coworker refused saying that I looked fat and ugly. She got mad at her in an instant, felt insulted and told her straight in her face that she was passing up on something amazing. I'm gloating :)