Please Leave me Alone
Decietful mind of mine, why cant it just leave me alone. Why cant I just be left to die alone with no attractions, no loves, no promises, and nothing left on my list? The more and more I think bout me and Kendra actually being together the more I notice it will never happen. Why would she pick something like me? She give me everything I could ever ask for. She has a good soul, a loving heart, and a mind that will never stop thinking bout me. What have I given her in return? Not a damn thing, just a mind full of bad and a life wasted. She says I havent done any of those but in my mind I have and I wish I could just leave this poor little girl alone, but guess what I cant. I have been brainwashed by her or something. Remember long time ago when I was told she cased a spell on me to love her, well sometimes I think she has cause I cant understand how someone who thinks they are treating their other half so bad can stay in love with her! How can I think so badly of myself but still want to be with her? I think when I finally leave the Ville (Evansville) she will notice that she doesnt actually love me and this whole thing has been a waste. I want so badly for her to just notice that this was a really really really horrible dream! I think I have found another way to stay away from her longer so she wont have to continue dreaming. There was a Corporation Meeting last night at the Econo Inn (Hotel in Vinny) and they are a printing facility in Indy. Well they were talking to us bout how they shop is ran and everything then told us if any of us were interested that they themselves would pay for us to live up there! Well it is actually us paying but they have a set of apartments already bought and shit that they would charge us to live in while we are up there. They would take like 2 or 3 dollars out of our regular pay, like we would make 12 and it would drop us down to 8 or 9, which ever they decide! Well with that money they would move us into some apartments down the street from the factory. Well this could be good cause for one a lot of the students attending vinny right now are considering that option plus I would stay away from Kendra life a lot more! See this all seems good cause who loses in this option? No one, Kendra might think she is losing but if she learned to stop thinking bout me and thinking bout her happiness then maybe just maybe she would finally go and pick one of the other guys off the shelf and finally start to make herself happy with them. How can you be happy witha guy who hates him self and hates how he treats you so badly that he has considered death as an option!! Its isnt possible and I just wish and hope that one day in the near near near future Kendra will notice the mistake she is making and that she will correct it and go and better he life. Well I must go im tired of waiting for her to get home from being out with nick, ashley, or some guy from school, so im just gonna go lay my head down and rethinkg my options. Till then everyone have fun and be safe, cause I know Kendra is obviously seeing she isnt home yet. Dont take an hour to get home!! I know she will have some kind of excuse and will tell me she had to go pick her mom up, or she was at her grandpa's but anyways she can always get ahold of me some how. So yeah, I will finally go and lay me head to rest hopefully the pills will take away the pain if not I always have more, so buhbye tonight and hopefully Kendar will notice her mistake! Buhbye distorted mind and hello never never land, may I stay?