birthday blues
so today was my eighteenth birthday and i about 45 minutes it'll draw to a close, shall we recap?
well the day started poorly i pretty much cried myself to sleep last night, why am i such a drama queen? and why did i cry bc i felt like nothing was going right i was mainly pissed bc mitch (he was sick i will give him that) couldnt stay up 15 minutes to wish me a god damn happy birthday. so then i felt that if my supposed ultra loving boyfriend didnt care who would?
i woke up to tons of comments and voicemails and texts. wahoo!! it was really great to hear from super random people and those that i loved wishing me a happy birthday. thanks to everyone for making me feel like even though im no longer in defo im still there. uk? i love you guys and you really helped make my special day great.
thank god ive found some really great friends in houston too. my roommate made me some special treats and my tres amigos were spectacular. abby got me the cutest shirt that i had been coveting forever! and shelby the most adorable earrings from paula frikin i think $$. and kristen got me the most darling night gown from victoria secret that i told her i loved, im planning on wearing it for mitch hopefully he'll like it too ;) . my parents got me some dance boots and a huge amount of cash. the sis got me a super soft adorable shirt from ae. finally bry and mitch's gifts are in the mail . oh and christian's gift a fun filled weekend of illegal activity...hehe.
my day is complete really. idk i feel blasse though. i feel still like mitch doesnt care and maybe thats just the stupid pessimist in me idk. he sent me a comment and a text. he called eventually and we talked for thirty minutes before he said he couldnt talk any longer due to his throat and cough. he felt so bad and said "im sooo sorry kristin" when he had to get off the phone and it wrenched my heart but the other part of me was pissed bc it was him insisting that it was enough. idk im sooo selfish. maybe shelby's right im too needy. idk mitch went to bed thirty minutes ago after talking to me on aim for about another 30 minutes but most of it was silence. i just have this nagging feeling that he really doesnt care. idk im so dumb....
sometimes i just want to say enough but i cant bc i love him too much and the other side of me is saying, "kristin your such a crazy girl seriously why do you create all this drama and stress yourself out about nothing". maybe its bc im scared ill lose him or that i am. idk why but this is what i do and im sick of doing it, freaking the fuck out about nothing all the time. so ive made a birthday resolution enough freaking out. i need to reason with myself and find out whats really surfacing all this shit...me or really mitch. i have to say its def. leaning towards me.
but all together i had a great bday. my dad made a dvd of everyone singing and saying hi and it made me cry. i was so sad watching that video realizing i wasnt home. im not going home till the 5th of april and i prolly wont see any family till then. so its hard. i really need to ask my dad soon if mitch can come down but im scared of what he'll say. i dont want him to shoot it down, but i have a feeling he will. idk ....we'll see.
i love you guys thanks for making my day special!! love , kristin
well the day started poorly i pretty much cried myself to sleep last night, why am i such a drama queen? and why did i cry bc i felt like nothing was going right i was mainly pissed bc mitch (he was sick i will give him that) couldnt stay up 15 minutes to wish me a god damn happy birthday. so then i felt that if my supposed ultra loving boyfriend didnt care who would?
i woke up to tons of comments and voicemails and texts. wahoo!! it was really great to hear from super random people and those that i loved wishing me a happy birthday. thanks to everyone for making me feel like even though im no longer in defo im still there. uk? i love you guys and you really helped make my special day great.
thank god ive found some really great friends in houston too. my roommate made me some special treats and my tres amigos were spectacular. abby got me the cutest shirt that i had been coveting forever! and shelby the most adorable earrings from paula frikin i think $$. and kristen got me the most darling night gown from victoria secret that i told her i loved, im planning on wearing it for mitch hopefully he'll like it too ;) . my parents got me some dance boots and a huge amount of cash. the sis got me a super soft adorable shirt from ae. finally bry and mitch's gifts are in the mail . oh and christian's gift a fun filled weekend of illegal activity...hehe.
my day is complete really. idk i feel blasse though. i feel still like mitch doesnt care and maybe thats just the stupid pessimist in me idk. he sent me a comment and a text. he called eventually and we talked for thirty minutes before he said he couldnt talk any longer due to his throat and cough. he felt so bad and said "im sooo sorry kristin" when he had to get off the phone and it wrenched my heart but the other part of me was pissed bc it was him insisting that it was enough. idk im sooo selfish. maybe shelby's right im too needy. idk mitch went to bed thirty minutes ago after talking to me on aim for about another 30 minutes but most of it was silence. i just have this nagging feeling that he really doesnt care. idk im so dumb....
sometimes i just want to say enough but i cant bc i love him too much and the other side of me is saying, "kristin your such a crazy girl seriously why do you create all this drama and stress yourself out about nothing". maybe its bc im scared ill lose him or that i am. idk why but this is what i do and im sick of doing it, freaking the fuck out about nothing all the time. so ive made a birthday resolution enough freaking out. i need to reason with myself and find out whats really surfacing all this shit...me or really mitch. i have to say its def. leaning towards me.
but all together i had a great bday. my dad made a dvd of everyone singing and saying hi and it made me cry. i was so sad watching that video realizing i wasnt home. im not going home till the 5th of april and i prolly wont see any family till then. so its hard. i really need to ask my dad soon if mitch can come down but im scared of what he'll say. i dont want him to shoot it down, but i have a feeling he will. idk ....we'll see.
i love you guys thanks for making my day special!! love , kristin