The Exorcism of Pazuzuprime
As I type this blog entry from a wireless connection that I am stealing from a coffee shop next door. I am sitting in a bar called South Side Johnny's. I came into this bar maybe once when I lived here in the past it was nothing special to me then and is nothing special to me now. The important thing about this bar is this. Shawnee McCarty works here. The Princess, the one that I have been pining about and crying about for the last 4 years of my life. She has served me three Fat Tires so far and we have engaged in some light conversation due to the volume of business and the fact that this is her job we haven't gotten into much detailed conversation. She is wearing a black belly shirt and khaki pants her hair is in pig tails and is dyed a sorta streaked amber blonde color. Her belly is sticking out making me think that she might be pregnant but I'm not sure and you cannot ask a girl something like that. Her boyfriend whom I shall refer to as the guy in the grey shirt is bartending with her on the other end of the bar. She seems a little uncomfortable at me being here understandably so we haven't laid eyes on each other for over 2 years we have been broken up for almost 4 years. I'm not sure as to her mental state at seeing me again I have the feeling that she has long since laid to rest the corpse of our past.
I know why I came in here today. I was on a mission. I was out looking for employment today and that quest took me to the Chili's that we worked at together all those years ago. As soon as I set foot into that place I had a unfomfortable feeling and I knew that it had to do with the fact that we used to work together there all those years ago. After that I went to the other Chili's on Powers Blvd to talk to a guy that I worked with all those years ago and I had the same uncomfortable feeling that I had at the other Chili's. As I was driving out of the parking lot there I knew what had to be done.
I had to exorcise the specter from my body. If I am going to move on with the next chapter of my life move on and be rid of the pain and longing for the princess I had to face the pain head on. The Shawnee that I am staring at now isn't the same Shawnee that I fell in love with all those years ago. She isnt the same Shawnee that I have painfully tortured myself over for the last 4 years. This Shawnee is different. if I was to sit down with this girl and talk to her she wouldn't likely be anything like the girl that I used to know. She has moved on long ago. Long ago when every move that I made involved thoughts of her. She was making a new life for herself for better or for worse. All those years ago when I was riding trains from San Jose to San Francisco, working in flourescent computer labs, walking down El Camino Blvd I was thinking of her. She was here getting on with her life.
FOR FUCK SAKES GEORGE!!!!!!! FOR FUCKING CHRIST SAKES IT IS FUCKING TIME FOR YOU TO PUT THIS FUCKING ROTTING CORPSE IN ITS GRAVE AND MOVE THE FUCK ON. SHAWNEE IS GONE AT LEAST THE SHAWNEE THAT YOU USED TO LOVE. SHE IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT NOW. NOT BETTER OR WORSE BUT DIFFERENT. SHE MAY AS WELL BE ANY GOOD LOOKING GIRL THAT POURS YOU A FAT TIRE IN ANY BAR THAT YOU GO TO. DO IT!! PLEASE DO IT FOR YOU!!
I hope that this is it. I hope that after this I can move forward with what I have to do in Colorado. I spent years trying to hide from the pain. Trying to pretend that Shawnee didn't exist anymore. Trying to pretend that she was waiting here, waiting for me to return on my white horse and save her from dragons. She isn't. She is taking care of business. Hopefully I have stuck a sword in the gullet of the beast by doing this. Hopefully now I can look back with fond memories of the past smile and remember the good times but look forward to a future that only I can make bright.
Maye I'll edit this better later but right now however broken the entry is it basically gets my point across.
I know why I came in here today. I was on a mission. I was out looking for employment today and that quest took me to the Chili's that we worked at together all those years ago. As soon as I set foot into that place I had a unfomfortable feeling and I knew that it had to do with the fact that we used to work together there all those years ago. After that I went to the other Chili's on Powers Blvd to talk to a guy that I worked with all those years ago and I had the same uncomfortable feeling that I had at the other Chili's. As I was driving out of the parking lot there I knew what had to be done.
I had to exorcise the specter from my body. If I am going to move on with the next chapter of my life move on and be rid of the pain and longing for the princess I had to face the pain head on. The Shawnee that I am staring at now isn't the same Shawnee that I fell in love with all those years ago. She isnt the same Shawnee that I have painfully tortured myself over for the last 4 years. This Shawnee is different. if I was to sit down with this girl and talk to her she wouldn't likely be anything like the girl that I used to know. She has moved on long ago. Long ago when every move that I made involved thoughts of her. She was making a new life for herself for better or for worse. All those years ago when I was riding trains from San Jose to San Francisco, working in flourescent computer labs, walking down El Camino Blvd I was thinking of her. She was here getting on with her life.
FOR FUCK SAKES GEORGE!!!!!!! FOR FUCKING CHRIST SAKES IT IS FUCKING TIME FOR YOU TO PUT THIS FUCKING ROTTING CORPSE IN ITS GRAVE AND MOVE THE FUCK ON. SHAWNEE IS GONE AT LEAST THE SHAWNEE THAT YOU USED TO LOVE. SHE IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT NOW. NOT BETTER OR WORSE BUT DIFFERENT. SHE MAY AS WELL BE ANY GOOD LOOKING GIRL THAT POURS YOU A FAT TIRE IN ANY BAR THAT YOU GO TO. DO IT!! PLEASE DO IT FOR YOU!!
I hope that this is it. I hope that after this I can move forward with what I have to do in Colorado. I spent years trying to hide from the pain. Trying to pretend that Shawnee didn't exist anymore. Trying to pretend that she was waiting here, waiting for me to return on my white horse and save her from dragons. She isn't. She is taking care of business. Hopefully I have stuck a sword in the gullet of the beast by doing this. Hopefully now I can look back with fond memories of the past smile and remember the good times but look forward to a future that only I can make bright.
Maye I'll edit this better later but right now however broken the entry is it basically gets my point across.