bad news

[paulalown]

well, the choir situation has finally come to a head and it is pretty shit for me. gillian has decided to take the choir off me for good, not just as a maternity break. this is pretty bad, but i am upset with her cos she went to nigel and told him first, then expected him to pass the message on. while she was waiting for him to pass the message on i asked her again, as i was worried about the impact of the stress of waiting on the baby (it was measured and seemed to be small). she didin't even then speak up. she had been lovely to me all day, wouldn't have known she'd gone behind my back with nigel in order to stab me in it. finally on friday (a week and a day after her meeting with nigel) she fessed up, just before a very heavy choir practice was to begin. i was so angry and upset my hands were shaking, yet i couldn't let on as this would have disrupted the practice, which was needed. she told me she'd spoken to nigel, i told her she was a bitch (3 times). anyway, she told me that she loved me dearly and that she thought if i could trust her, we could work together still well as a team and i would still be happy. i don't know what that means, and when i asked her to be more specific she couldn't be. it is so confusing...i do believe that she does genuinely care about me, she is very mindful of me, and trusts me dearly as a friend...yet she could still do this. she went behind my back to nigel again on sat morning...i don't understand why...anyway i had a number of issues with him which i was able to sort out. i have decided to support gillian in her decision and not leave the choir, i phoned her on saturday to tell her this and she sounded so relieved. working with her will be ok as we both love the music and enjoy working together on it. i don't trust her at the moment, yet after the service we were chatting away as normal. she repeated a number of times that we will be ok...a question or self-affirming?? we will in the long-term, i just told her it would take some time. i do want her to be my friend, i do love her...why i can still think this, i don't know. all very strange. she did say she didn't want me to be sad, but she'll just have to put up with that for a while, and she did thank me for being so great about everything.
other choir members may not be so forgiving. oh yes, also glad that she told me herself...if i had heard it from nigel my reaction would be 'fuck you' i would have gone down to the church and told the choir she was taking them from me, i was devastated and couldn't worship there anymore and would have walked out, leaving her a very unhappy choir to do a number of quite difficult pieces, including one i had a cantor/solo in (nobody else knows it)

sorry for moaning. will keep in touch as i am sure things will improve