bad thoughts...
i know its probably not right to hate my sister, but that's how i've been feeling lately.
well more so jealous of her. i'm always jealous of her. i've always BEEN jealous of her.
just living here in this house with her is hard enough.
and now, i know she's seeing someone.
she still isn't officially divorced yet but she will be in a few months.
but to me its just like, you've already found someone else?
i've taken to calling her a whore behind her back,
and my mom says I shouldn't do that. but...its the jealousy talking.
she's being all shady about this person, like she'll go out when the kids
are with their dad and she won't come hom, and if you ask her who she's hanging
out with she just says "a friend"
i mean she hasn't even come out and said to us "hey i'm seeing someone, his name is... and you guys can meet him"
no. i only know b/c she told my mom simply that she's someone, and my mom felt i should know b/ci was getting
suspicious anyways.
she left her phone lying around a few days ago, and she asked me to run upstairs and get it for her.
this was kinda like the moment i'd been waiting for. and just my luck, it wa already open to her texts
messages list. it shows the name of the person, and like the first line of the text.
top one said "It was nice waking up next to you"
then another said " i miss you"
i searched for the guy on facebook and found him.
he's fucking ten years older than she is.
he's not even that good looking to be honest.
but from what i've heard, he's rich.
waht gets me the most, where my jealousy burns white-hot, the REASON i'm writing this is
because it makes me SICK to my stomach, SICK TO MY STOMACH to think about
how she getsto try AGAIN. sick to think about how she gets texts saying "i miss you"
or simply asking about how her day went.
when...when i've never even gotten ONE CHANCE, at anything resembling love.
and its just not fair. its not fair that she get everything i fucking want. and i know, life's not fucking fair.
but it's like my life just keeps getting shit on time and time again.
and i would just give anything to look like her. to be her.
and sometimes its like, she flaunts everything she has in my face.
or like she'll ask to borrow my clothes,
and i hate it even more now b/c of course, she looks better in them.
y'know she's the one in our family that you see first.
yeah, so what if I can draw, i can write, i can paint, or if i get good grades and graduated with honors
in all honesty, i feel like it doesn't even mean a thing, that my 'gifts' are there only to
make up for the fact that i don't look like her.
well more so jealous of her. i'm always jealous of her. i've always BEEN jealous of her.
just living here in this house with her is hard enough.
and now, i know she's seeing someone.
she still isn't officially divorced yet but she will be in a few months.
but to me its just like, you've already found someone else?
i've taken to calling her a whore behind her back,
and my mom says I shouldn't do that. but...its the jealousy talking.
she's being all shady about this person, like she'll go out when the kids
are with their dad and she won't come hom, and if you ask her who she's hanging
out with she just says "a friend"
i mean she hasn't even come out and said to us "hey i'm seeing someone, his name is... and you guys can meet him"
no. i only know b/c she told my mom simply that she's someone, and my mom felt i should know b/ci was getting
suspicious anyways.
she left her phone lying around a few days ago, and she asked me to run upstairs and get it for her.
this was kinda like the moment i'd been waiting for. and just my luck, it wa already open to her texts
messages list. it shows the name of the person, and like the first line of the text.
top one said "It was nice waking up next to you"
then another said " i miss you"
i searched for the guy on facebook and found him.
he's fucking ten years older than she is.
he's not even that good looking to be honest.
but from what i've heard, he's rich.
waht gets me the most, where my jealousy burns white-hot, the REASON i'm writing this is
because it makes me SICK to my stomach, SICK TO MY STOMACH to think about
how she getsto try AGAIN. sick to think about how she gets texts saying "i miss you"
or simply asking about how her day went.
when...when i've never even gotten ONE CHANCE, at anything resembling love.
and its just not fair. its not fair that she get everything i fucking want. and i know, life's not fucking fair.
but it's like my life just keeps getting shit on time and time again.
and i would just give anything to look like her. to be her.
and sometimes its like, she flaunts everything she has in my face.
or like she'll ask to borrow my clothes,
and i hate it even more now b/c of course, she looks better in them.
y'know she's the one in our family that you see first.
yeah, so what if I can draw, i can write, i can paint, or if i get good grades and graduated with honors
in all honesty, i feel like it doesn't even mean a thing, that my 'gifts' are there only to
make up for the fact that i don't look like her.