(no subject)
Ok so there are two girls in my life who I love so much as friends, but at the same time I wish more would happen...One of them is so cute even though she really doesn't think so and she is always so happy, and she really is the only person in my life who I can honestly say that everytime we talk I feel better, she makes me feel like life can be good and that its better to be happy. At the same time though I know she doesn't really want a relationship with anyone right now because she just wants to concentrate on school and even if she was lookin I'm pretty far down on the list so I know nothings gonna happen and maybe its for the best, she just makes me feel a lot better about myself and I love that even though it is pretty selfish...Now the other girl is just so far out of my leauge and I know that and shes a really good friend, the hope I have is for more but more and more I see that it just isn't gonna happen. I think I should just consider myself lucky that I can be friends with such a great person. I really can't force things to happen but at the same time I can't just sit around waiting for something good to come to me.
I'm still not quite sure whats going on with Meg right now, i'll just have to wait and see cuz she is my best friend and i'll do whatever I can or whatever she wants to be the way we were even a few months ago if possible. I just hate the way I think about her and JP cuz it just makes me feel like shit. I think its just that I hate that he makes her happy in a way that I can't and that he just means more to her than me, but I really just need to get over that cuz she is the important one not me.
I've been doin so much thinking today its just crazy how many conversations I just blanked out of and at work i don't remember like a whole hr because i was just thinkin about so much different crap. Especially how stupid I was last week I can't believe what I almost did, and i have to thank Caitlin for really keeping me from not doing it even though she doesn't know it. I have to make some really big decisions soon and I dunno what I'm gonna do.
I'm still not quite sure whats going on with Meg right now, i'll just have to wait and see cuz she is my best friend and i'll do whatever I can or whatever she wants to be the way we were even a few months ago if possible. I just hate the way I think about her and JP cuz it just makes me feel like shit. I think its just that I hate that he makes her happy in a way that I can't and that he just means more to her than me, but I really just need to get over that cuz she is the important one not me.
I've been doin so much thinking today its just crazy how many conversations I just blanked out of and at work i don't remember like a whole hr because i was just thinkin about so much different crap. Especially how stupid I was last week I can't believe what I almost did, and i have to thank Caitlin for really keeping me from not doing it even though she doesn't know it. I have to make some really big decisions soon and I dunno what I'm gonna do.