(no subject)
I wrote Katie a long crying letter. Because she knows me. She wrote me back and I got the letter last night.
Since I sent her the mail last week a lot has come around. I have calmed down a lot. In general things are ok. So when I opened the letter last night and read her thoughts on my current fears and self doubts and love and heart, it was such a big comfort. I am so lucky to have strong women around me. I miss them so much sometimes I don’t know what to do.
“And I was thinking about how it seems like we’re the only ones in the world with hearts of steel. All of us. Not like the bad kind of steely hearts; like the ones that are so strong at loving and so fair; and consequently we are forced to deal with the weaker hearts. SO MANY OF THEM! Just fields and fields of retarded hearts.”
How can I not feel better after reading this. She goes into a lot of good thoughts. Things that are deep inside of me. Ideas that I share with her, and I think everyone else can learn a lot from. She asks hypothetically “why are we do good at loving?” makes me think, there is nothing wrong with hurting sometimes, because it means I am alive and better than those that never feel hurt.
“In the biggest sense you can only rely on yourself…and your friends…but most importantly yourself.”
I know. It is not selfish to only rely on yourself, because I can still give, but I have to live by my own. On my own. And as for my friends. I know they will always always be there. I miss them so much. Sometimes I hate myself for leaving so young. I wish they were there, more often than I see them now. But such is life. I love my girls. LOVE IS GREAT.
Since I sent her the mail last week a lot has come around. I have calmed down a lot. In general things are ok. So when I opened the letter last night and read her thoughts on my current fears and self doubts and love and heart, it was such a big comfort. I am so lucky to have strong women around me. I miss them so much sometimes I don’t know what to do.
“And I was thinking about how it seems like we’re the only ones in the world with hearts of steel. All of us. Not like the bad kind of steely hearts; like the ones that are so strong at loving and so fair; and consequently we are forced to deal with the weaker hearts. SO MANY OF THEM! Just fields and fields of retarded hearts.”
How can I not feel better after reading this. She goes into a lot of good thoughts. Things that are deep inside of me. Ideas that I share with her, and I think everyone else can learn a lot from. She asks hypothetically “why are we do good at loving?” makes me think, there is nothing wrong with hurting sometimes, because it means I am alive and better than those that never feel hurt.
“In the biggest sense you can only rely on yourself…and your friends…but most importantly yourself.”
I know. It is not selfish to only rely on yourself, because I can still give, but I have to live by my own. On my own. And as for my friends. I know they will always always be there. I miss them so much. Sometimes I hate myself for leaving so young. I wish they were there, more often than I see them now. But such is life. I love my girls. LOVE IS GREAT.