Chapter 4: Major General Dad
Dramatic, yes, but the title is over exaggerated. It's just that sometimes listening to my dad talks, he sounds like he's making plans for his next strike against the world. He sits at the throne of his table, making sure that the rest of the world knows exactly how we would have handled the situation, or exactly what he's going to tell what's his face next time he sees him. The worst part is he's never actually going to do what he says... I must inherit this from him, because I know how to handle everyone's situations but my own (probably due to my lack of courage).
"Next time I see [insert name here], I'm gonna say "Hey, listen to me buddy, [insert rant here]"" Really dad? Are you REALLY going to say that? Because I think you're just trying to show us how your way is superior...
Which leads me into superiority; He sits there in his throne chair, throwing commands around, shooting everything wrong down, voicing his opinions as complete and right. "Get a job" "Do this" "She should have done this instead". I sit at the opposite end, which is quite metaphorical because I don't think anyone opposes his views and judgments more than I do. In his own way he's tough but fair, but in the exact opposite way that I am.
To his right is his queen, the mother of his children, and his co-pilot in this war. Together they offer little to no sympathy when something goes wrong, but instead a harsh tone and non-supportive environment. When someone screws up, they whip 'em until they know they've done wrong, making them afraid to make another mistake instead of encouraging them to learn from their mistakes... That's my take on it...
It makes me thankful my parents aren't always around, like this afternoon for example: I was at the restaurant for a friend's birthday. Being the cheapass that I am, I ordered nothing and gladly chewed on ice (which we all know makes old men scowl at me). I saw an easy-squeeze Heinz ketchup container and remember loving the high pressure ketchup stream that comes out of them. I took the bottle and squeezed it a little, hoping a tiny bit of ketchup would slowly well up, but instead a stream spurted out, but thankfully (and somehow magically) didn't get on anyone and just stayed on the cap. My parents would have had a shit fit if they caught me doing that! I learned my lesson (don't do that EVER AGAIN) without the yelling...
And the worst part is he handles situations with me very poorly... I was up at the fridge (right by his chair) getting some milk and he looked up, directly at my chin and said: "oh, look at that"
He was referring to my beard (or lack-there-of). I can stand anyone else talking to me about it, even tease me a little, but with him I don't like to talk about it because it makes me feel inadequate. Conversation continued as such:
"No, I don't want to talk about it"
"Talk about what?"
"Talk about what you were just commenting on"
"What, I wasn't commenting on anything"
"Yes you were, and I don't want to talk about it"
"I don't know what you're talking about"
He played oblivious from the get-go as soon as he knew he was touching a touchy subject. Drives me nuts... And the worst part is I can't escape it... I'm stuck in this house, under his rules, and I am afraid to challenge him because I might get the boot... But I also want to test him... I want to see how serious he can get, see if he still tries to parent me, strict and unreasonable.... I find it very difficult to live under my parents again since I've had so much independence... I don't think of them as superior, but equals... I think of everyone as equals, but that might not go over well with some people... More about superiority later, because I for some reason have surrounded myself with people who think they are the best of the best of the best and openly look down on everyone...
"I hate to do this, but you're a pain in the neck
I thought you knew this, you're handing me a cancelled check
You're so helpless, your girlfriends think you're a saint
I'll give you a quarter, I'll keep my judgment for myself"
"Next time I see [insert name here], I'm gonna say "Hey, listen to me buddy, [insert rant here]"" Really dad? Are you REALLY going to say that? Because I think you're just trying to show us how your way is superior...
Which leads me into superiority; He sits there in his throne chair, throwing commands around, shooting everything wrong down, voicing his opinions as complete and right. "Get a job" "Do this" "She should have done this instead". I sit at the opposite end, which is quite metaphorical because I don't think anyone opposes his views and judgments more than I do. In his own way he's tough but fair, but in the exact opposite way that I am.
To his right is his queen, the mother of his children, and his co-pilot in this war. Together they offer little to no sympathy when something goes wrong, but instead a harsh tone and non-supportive environment. When someone screws up, they whip 'em until they know they've done wrong, making them afraid to make another mistake instead of encouraging them to learn from their mistakes... That's my take on it...
It makes me thankful my parents aren't always around, like this afternoon for example: I was at the restaurant for a friend's birthday. Being the cheapass that I am, I ordered nothing and gladly chewed on ice (which we all know makes old men scowl at me). I saw an easy-squeeze Heinz ketchup container and remember loving the high pressure ketchup stream that comes out of them. I took the bottle and squeezed it a little, hoping a tiny bit of ketchup would slowly well up, but instead a stream spurted out, but thankfully (and somehow magically) didn't get on anyone and just stayed on the cap. My parents would have had a shit fit if they caught me doing that! I learned my lesson (don't do that EVER AGAIN) without the yelling...
And the worst part is he handles situations with me very poorly... I was up at the fridge (right by his chair) getting some milk and he looked up, directly at my chin and said: "oh, look at that"
He was referring to my beard (or lack-there-of). I can stand anyone else talking to me about it, even tease me a little, but with him I don't like to talk about it because it makes me feel inadequate. Conversation continued as such:
"No, I don't want to talk about it"
"Talk about what?"
"Talk about what you were just commenting on"
"What, I wasn't commenting on anything"
"Yes you were, and I don't want to talk about it"
"I don't know what you're talking about"
He played oblivious from the get-go as soon as he knew he was touching a touchy subject. Drives me nuts... And the worst part is I can't escape it... I'm stuck in this house, under his rules, and I am afraid to challenge him because I might get the boot... But I also want to test him... I want to see how serious he can get, see if he still tries to parent me, strict and unreasonable.... I find it very difficult to live under my parents again since I've had so much independence... I don't think of them as superior, but equals... I think of everyone as equals, but that might not go over well with some people... More about superiority later, because I for some reason have surrounded myself with people who think they are the best of the best of the best and openly look down on everyone...
"I hate to do this, but you're a pain in the neck
I thought you knew this, you're handing me a cancelled check
You're so helpless, your girlfriends think you're a saint
I'll give you a quarter, I'll keep my judgment for myself"