Chapter 47: Fucked!...?
I could blame Jew Camp, I could blame Brock. Its easy to play the blame game, but like all other games they lead you nowhere. So I'm taking the blame. Holding this cold, uncomfortable, unwelcome feeling and holding it close to my heart. When a dog poops you rub his face in it. I'm rubbing my heart in it. To make myself strong.
One week. That was all that I needed. I needed to stay at camp for one week. But I didn't, I was weak. Now because I didn't stay that extra week I am fucked. BUT HOW? Patience, I was getting there! Since I left camp early, I wasn't there to collect my paycheck on the 30th. Since I didn't collect my paycheck on the 30th, I have to wait until the next pay period is over, on the 15th. This means that my check will be mailed out on the 15th, arriving the next week. I have a tuition deposit to pay on the 21st. Brock does not accept credit cards. So I am fucked.
I can worry, oh boy can I worry, but in the end I have to play the waiting game! I have to wait for the check to come in, my mom to deposit it, and then make the payment. Maybe this will all blow over, maybe the payment will come in late and I will be rejected from school.
All I know is that worrying won't get me anywhere, but holy fuck it feels good!
"If we could learn how to freeze ourselves alive,
We could learn to leave these burdens to burn"
One week. That was all that I needed. I needed to stay at camp for one week. But I didn't, I was weak. Now because I didn't stay that extra week I am fucked. BUT HOW? Patience, I was getting there! Since I left camp early, I wasn't there to collect my paycheck on the 30th. Since I didn't collect my paycheck on the 30th, I have to wait until the next pay period is over, on the 15th. This means that my check will be mailed out on the 15th, arriving the next week. I have a tuition deposit to pay on the 21st. Brock does not accept credit cards. So I am fucked.
I can worry, oh boy can I worry, but in the end I have to play the waiting game! I have to wait for the check to come in, my mom to deposit it, and then make the payment. Maybe this will all blow over, maybe the payment will come in late and I will be rejected from school.
All I know is that worrying won't get me anywhere, but holy fuck it feels good!
"If we could learn how to freeze ourselves alive,
We could learn to leave these burdens to burn"