are there reasons to even resuscitate
take me to the hospital. pump me full of the fluids that could make my insides go plastic, and fail. cross my heart out and ripp each tendon out. i'll close my eyes and wish the emotions away with a mental trigger to pull. and blow the suffering of living another day out of my head. i need to strech my sleeves out to cover the blood that tainted my arms, and i show how i want to die from live, leave it all. leave your empathy and sympathy at the door, your not welcome here. you dont have the right mess of words to rain onto me. nothing is going alright, at all. these feelings never leave me alone. i need to cut out a mask to hide before. and hide everything that eats through my skin, into the bones that hold tightly placed. i hope i figure out, why everything is impossible. i cant make a smile carve in, and break away all the agony underneath. i need to be heavily medicated to understand why im still living, im your walking zombie. there is nothing still in the same place and in tact. i cant give myself three reasons to get out of the bed i keep warm. ill leave the note to the one that never leaves me alone, and ill grip my throat to pull and tugg on. for me to bruise my voice to not speak...i wanted to be mute...i wanted to not see..i wanted to die...but nothing like that needs to happen...because right now im alive, and i need to learn to stay alive. i have to stop closing my eyes, and blocking out the world that is outlayed in front of me. the mudd that sticks to the surrounded area of infection makes the infection only stay spine deep, and nothing cleans itself on its own. i have to do everything manually, and its exausting to fuck with my insides just to stop myself from wanting to die.
look me in the face, look me in the eyes. tell me what i am....im nothing that you want to live with, im just the opposite of a safe place gone dead. im the insanity that ticks inside the brain that is considered neurotoxic. baby, its only me and you....isn't it. well thats funny because...thats just me. im the only person that hurts me now. my brain attacks me....and that isnt half way fair. you play the visuals in front of my eyes, and speak to me telling me to do the worst...and all i want is to be my old self. why i cant just poison you and laugh as the knowlege of your death brings my sanity. your the worst thing inside me. your the devil. i hate you. i want you to walk away and molest someone new...this has gone on too long. im sick of being this emotionally dead. my life is all your fault..nothing ever used to hurt this bad. i dont feel alright now, and id love to admit that its all because of you...and id love to see you burn in hell..but your me.
i wish you were a drug...and then the doses of you would only get me higher...that would be nice. but thats not reality. you are the infection, you are nothing to the cure, you only smash me....you grip my throat and strangle me to the lightest shade of purple, and you choke me with such a tight clutch. dont say its me...because im not that bad...im not that sick, im not that covered in filth. your a liar. stop talking....stop. fucken stop. you are a pathetic, pathological liar, that bruns society under my skin. i hate what you do to me. you suck out all of the life and little motivation i have left. you need to leave the space inside my head, and bother your own brain pattern. you fucking liar. you fucking piece of shit. you stick to close to me, i cant vomit you out, i cant bleed you out, i cant get high away from you, i cant smother you out...there is nothing to escape from you. hell. this is hell. drive away from the city that you linger around, and drive away from the perfectly rusted clouds...just leave. leave. fucking leave. leave you leech.
you wont leave. your inside me. i hate you. fucker.
look me in the face, look me in the eyes. tell me what i am....im nothing that you want to live with, im just the opposite of a safe place gone dead. im the insanity that ticks inside the brain that is considered neurotoxic. baby, its only me and you....isn't it. well thats funny because...thats just me. im the only person that hurts me now. my brain attacks me....and that isnt half way fair. you play the visuals in front of my eyes, and speak to me telling me to do the worst...and all i want is to be my old self. why i cant just poison you and laugh as the knowlege of your death brings my sanity. your the worst thing inside me. your the devil. i hate you. i want you to walk away and molest someone new...this has gone on too long. im sick of being this emotionally dead. my life is all your fault..nothing ever used to hurt this bad. i dont feel alright now, and id love to admit that its all because of you...and id love to see you burn in hell..but your me.
i wish you were a drug...and then the doses of you would only get me higher...that would be nice. but thats not reality. you are the infection, you are nothing to the cure, you only smash me....you grip my throat and strangle me to the lightest shade of purple, and you choke me with such a tight clutch. dont say its me...because im not that bad...im not that sick, im not that covered in filth. your a liar. stop talking....stop. fucken stop. you are a pathetic, pathological liar, that bruns society under my skin. i hate what you do to me. you suck out all of the life and little motivation i have left. you need to leave the space inside my head, and bother your own brain pattern. you fucking liar. you fucking piece of shit. you stick to close to me, i cant vomit you out, i cant bleed you out, i cant get high away from you, i cant smother you out...there is nothing to escape from you. hell. this is hell. drive away from the city that you linger around, and drive away from the perfectly rusted clouds...just leave. leave. fucking leave. leave you leech.
you wont leave. your inside me. i hate you. fucker.